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Anyone have a much older SO? hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13

Just curious if anyone else has or has had an older SO?



What is your relationship like? Sex? Views?



Do you have regrets? What are the pros/cons? Do you think these relationships work?



I'm just curious to see what others think/how they feel about this topic as well. My husband is 19 years older than me. I never thought I'd even date a much older man, but here we are. It's definitely different than the other younger men I've dated (more my age, within 5 years or so) - sometimes I feel like I regret it, but then I look at my son and what we have together and it's great. In the beginning of our relationship everything was much more easy going, and he seemed different than he does now. I know children change who you are (or can) but I definitely see a change in who he is/or who I thought he was.. Not that I love him any less. :)



Anyone else?

Faye's Mama 1 child; Springfield, MO, United States 4569 posts
10th Apr '13

Dh is almost five years older than me (an in my circle, that's a big gap) and we have different views on things but he is also Chinese while I'm American.

The Pretender 2 kids; Brazil 1215 posts
10th Apr '13

Hubby is 12 years older than me. I know that people that say this usually are lying through their teeth.... but I feel like our relationship is as close to perfect as can be. He is awesome.

Mommy to munchkin 17 kids; Bandera, Texas 1229 posts
10th Apr '13

My ex was 11 yrs older than me and at first it was perfect but then things changed. Not necessarily him but I did and because he was already set in his ways there was no compromising. I believe it can work if you are willing to work on it but sometimes nothing doea the trick.

Ravey Candyass 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Boston, Massachusetts 103308 posts
10th Apr '13

DH is 8 years older. I honestly never notice. Not until I asked him if he remembered certain things and he said he was in HS, while I was in elementary. :lol:

lynnsaymarie 1 child; 1 angel baby; Buffalo, New York 2503 posts
10th Apr '13

I've been in 2 relationships with a large age gap. The first was when I was barely 21 and he was 43. It was a weird relationship like he just wanted to spoil me basically. He was good looking for a man in his 40s but he like never wanted sex. That's why it ended. The second one there was an 11 year age difference. I actually dated him shortly after the 43 year old right up until I met DH. It was a good relationship. We had tons of fun, went out all the time. He had some baby mama drama but I could live with it. Then he started talking kids and marriage and I just wasn't into it. Then I met DH who is my age and that was the end of that relationship. We still remained friends for a while and he's married now.

Skinny Cow 114 kids; Switzerland 4364 posts
10th Apr '13

my husband is 10 years older to me. I love the age difference and really it only feels like 4 because he has no children and is graduating college. It was hard in some times because he's used to being a bachelor and doing his own thing but he's realized a few things since. thankfully we waited to have children. because it took a while for us to learn each other's ups and downfalls

hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting Just Ames:" That's a pretty significant gap. You're bound to clash in one aspect of life or another. Things you're ... [snip!] ... different levels of life. That has to be a daily task to make it work. My Husband is 10 years older than me and it's perfect."


It is starting to feel like a daily task, you're right. And maybe that is why I'm posting the question..? I don't know. I guess I sense something from him once in awhile, like I have no clue what I'm doing. He'll ask me weird questions, for example, he'll come home from work and get upset if I hadn't done something he expected and he'll start doing it himself.. say, vacuuming. So, I'll say, "hey, what're you doing? I can do that later or tomorrow - no big deal." and he'll go on to explain the art of vacuuming. He can be very patronizing, and it irritates the hell out of me! He does this quite a bit, and I've brought it up to him and now he jokes about it.. but still continues to do it. He makes me feel stupid a lot, and he knows this. I think he just has unrealistic expectations of me, and I'm sure it's because of the age gap and he's also been married once before. This is my first marriage, and I still am working on how to balance everything. He thinks I should know what to do, when to do it and how. It's tough sometimes.. I don't understand him, he doesn't understand me. Not sure how to work on that part of it.. other than those few things, we generally have a good relationship.

Sweeney Todd 1 child; ........, .., United States 11526 posts
10th Apr '13

My husband is 10 years older than me too. We've never really fought or argued about anything, its always just seemed to work. We bought our house together and we own 4 vehicles together and now we have a baby on the way. I'm in college and he works with my Dad, hes just awesome. I dont have to nag him to help with the house or anything like that, he just volunteers to do it, its so nice. The guys I dated before him were my age and they were such douches.

Vitameatavegamin 19 kids; League City, Texas 5829 posts
10th Apr '13

DH is 7 years older than me, I don't notice any differences very often. He likes certain older songs and stuff.



But DD1's Dad is 8 years older than me and it was annoying how often he threw in my face about how he's older so he knows more. :roll: We see how that relationship turned out. DH never does that. Any problems we have are never age or maturity related.

hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting lynnsaymarie:" I've been in 2 relationships with a large age gap. The first was when I was barely 21 and he was 43. ... [snip!] ... I met DH who is my age and that was the end of that relationship. We still remained friends for a while and he's married now."


Wow, that's very similar to my hubby and I - I'm 22 (almost 23), he's 42. He never made me feel like a "baby" until the last 6ish months or so. He does some odd things, makes me feel dumb. It's odd, because we have a good relationship.. we had a great relationship (good sex, great conversation, our personalities meshed well) but then we had a child, and sadly, it's totally different now.. I just hope it goes back to how it was eventually, when the stress level goes down a bit.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
10th Apr '13

There is a 16 year age difference between DH and I. But honestly there are no regrets, no daily struggles, nothing but love, contentment, and good living. I think we fit perfectly together. I'm 22 and he is 38, and we've been together since I was 18 and he was 33.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 16733 posts
10th Apr '13

My SO is 23 years older than me.



The cons I have found are the stares. Most people assume he is my father and sometimes we laugh, but sometimes it really embarrasses me to have to explain to them. It is hard to deal with the taboo of it all from people. I can't even post pictures of us together without a smart ass comment off facebook, so that sucks.
He is also likely to have more health issues sooner. He has had a heart attack already. It is hard dealing with that stuff.
I also get kind of bummed when I can't think of him playing sports with LO and rough housing around like my dad did with us.



The pros are he is a pretty great man. He has a good job, works his ass off for his family, great with our son, loves me unconditionally, and isnt into childish games. I was tired of having the same sorry ass type of guy that is around here. I was tired of being cheated on, lied to, disrespected, and being brought down by being with them. We introduce different things to each other, which I love!



However old he is, every man is different. It doesnt matter what their age.

hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting Jillian'sMommy:" My husband is 10 years older than me too. We've never really fought or argued about anything, its always ... [snip!] ... like that, he just volunteers to do it, its so nice. The guys I dated before him were my age and they were such douches."


I agree with the younger guys = douches. The guys I dated before - well, my last ex before my hubby, was just so unwilling to do anything. I forced him to get a job and work, forced him to go to school, I paid for everything. It was awful.. my husband helps with things, but it's just periodically I get a sense that he's looking down on me in a way.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 16733 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting hiljoys:" Wow, that's very similar to my hubby and I - I'm 22 (almost 23), he's 42. He never made me feel like ... [snip!] ... sadly, it's totally different now.. I just hope it goes back to how it was eventually, when the stress level goes down a bit. "


He is trying to take the role of a father to you? Like being controlling or what? :/That isnt right.