Reply
Cry Baby 1 child; ........, .., United States 15448 posts
10th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting hiljoys:</b>" I agree with the younger guys = douches. The guys I dated before - well, my last ex before my hubby, ... [snip!] ... It was awful.. my husband helps with things, but it's just periodically I get a sense that he's looking down on me in a way. "</blockquote>




Oh yeah, sounds like my last ex before I met my hubby. We were both in high school but he just really liked to have control of everything social wise, but didn't want to pay for stuff or take me anywhere or anything like that. I've never had a problem with my DH overshadowing me or bossing meand stuff, I have asked him for help at times just because I didn't know how to handle a situation or whatever that he had already been through. Ive never really had anything to complain about with him Lol!

Ayzya 1 child; California 467 posts
10th Apr '13

Yeah my hubs is 11 years older than me, and I too, feel like we have the perfect relationship. I felt and thought the same way you do in that I wasn't sure if I'd regret the relationship in any way because of the age difference, because the difference in age wasn't important so much as our points of view. He's a deeply religious catholic, from Northern Vietnam, so there's a rigidity in his upbringing and the family dynamics differ from my very laid back Southern roots and my being Buddhist. I think you need to concentrate on the most important things that matter because the love will always get you through and make it worthwhile.



To sum it up, my dad's a douche, and I wanted to make sure I did NOT marry my father and I couldn't have chosen a better man. I think so long as you know exactly what you want and need out of a relationship, you need to forget the numbers game. I gotta give my hubs credit though because it took us last year (10 years) to get married finally because he kept telling me he didn't want to steal my youth and wanted me to be certain he was what I wanted. Communication is the key factor to any relationship's success I think, and I know we really thought everything through and made it a big point to really know about each other. Of course we took risks and we've weathered so many storms together.



He's the best friend I could possibly have and ever ask for. I remember telling my old coworkers one time that right now in the beginning of the relationship, I'm leaning on him to help take care of me, but once we age and he gets older, I can turn things around and be the one to take care of him. It's all about the balance.

hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" My SO is 23 years older than me. The cons I have found are the stares. Most people assume he is my ... [snip!] ... different things to each other, which I love! However old he is, every man is different. It doesnt matter what their age. "


I totally agree here. I've had it twice in public where people actually asked! Once we were out to dinner, and a man sitting next to us said, "Oh, how nice of you to take your dad out to dinner!" that was an awkward conversation. Haha.. I totally get that.



I have a different type of love for him than I had for any other SO that I've had. He does work incredibly hard, supports and provides everything for my son and I. He loves our son so, so much.. and wants to work hard to stay fit and healthy so he can play with him like any other dad. I know it's tough on him to think about, and I do think about it too once in awhile. I did dwell on it a lot, actually, when we first got together. I was scared to fall in love with him because I didn't want to think about him dying or having health issues, and I'd still be so much younger with a child. But I had already fallen for him, though I didn't want to admit it, and we have a strong relationship now.. but there are cons here and there. I feel completely comfortable going out now, and we like to laugh at the stares we get too :)

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" My SO is 23 years older than me. The cons I have found are the stares. Most people assume he is my ... [snip!] ... different things to each other, which I love! However old he is, every man is different. It doesnt matter what their age. "


I hate the stares. I usually grab his face and kiss him hard on the mouth if I notice someone staring. Once when we were at a fair, we were holding hands, all cuddled up, and this younger guy said to me... "Wow, you and you're dad are pretty close, huh?" Those comments piss me off.

hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" He is trying to take the role of a father to you? Like being controlling or what? :/That isnt right. "


Sometimes I do feel that way - but I don't know if that's just his personality or if that's really his motive. he can be a "hot head" and I've seen him ask the same types of questions (patronizing) to his family members, etc. So I think it might just be him... I try not to stand by and let him do it anymore though, I let him know it bothers me every time now and why.

hiljoys Michigan 83 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting kacti:" I hate the stares. I usually grab his face and kiss him hard on the mouth if I notice someone staring. ... [snip!] ... all cuddled up, and this younger guy said to me... "Wow, you and you're dad are pretty close, huh?" Those comments piss me off."


Yeah, they piss me off too. People are pretty daring and judging to just automatically assume crap like that, but they do! Boggles my mind sometimes. It's funny when we take a family trip to the grocery store with our son, and people just look and look.. and you know they're talking about it. I usually do the same thing, we will start holding hands or kiss a lot so people get the hint.

Ayzya 1 child; California 467 posts
10th Apr '13

On the topic of "i'm older than you so I can talk down to you like you are a child," thing, I guess I have to really look at it from an outsiders point of view. I do tend to act a bit childish at times, so I can't really blame him for looking at me with a protective manner and sometimes causing him to sound like he's talking down to me, but when there are times that I feel he is being too protective, I step in and speak up.



I'm not saying this fixes things, because we can all agree that you can't change people and like the saying "you cant teach an old dog new tricks," that can sometimes apply here. We are expecting our first child together and I think she's going to teach us so much about where we need to be in that mindset. My husband always takes care of everyone around him and he's always been overprotective and he's a total worry wart, so thats just a part of his personality that is hard for him to control and I really can only either accept it or deny him.

LittleBear's mama 3 kids; Ontario 480 posts
10th Apr '13

My DH is actually 7 years younger than me. The old saying that age doesn't matter for the most part holds true. I am more connected to him than any other guy I have been with. I do find that he has a very high sex drive, but I am totally ok with that. As long as you and your SO have a good relationship and he doesn't treat you like a child and treats you as an equal, I think its all good.

Belle. Due with #2 Due February 14; TTC since Oct 2013; 1 child; Alberta 4531 posts
10th Apr '13

I'm 18 and SO is 24. So 6 year difference. Funny thing is I act 24 and he acts 18.

The ℰffin' D! 2 kids; New York 26316 posts
10th Apr '13

We have a 12 year age gap, and it's pretty much drama free. I couldn't imagine dating someone my age. I never really have done that before.

~*~*~*~ ; 1 child; Biteme, ca, United States 1716 posts
10th Apr '13

DH is 21yrs older than I am. We do have to constantly talk to each other about what we are feeling and such, but I would want that in any marriage/relationship. We were together for six years almost before we got married to make sure we were certain. I still love him and don't want anyone else. I'm aware that he may have a different way of doing things since he has been around longer, he is aware and ok with the fact that as someone doing it for the first time I will not always do it his way. We actually do share many of the same views and intrests, and I don't feel a communication gap. Our sex life is pretty normal I'd say, compared to what my friends say and what I see on here. It is sometimes awkward with his 21yr old DD and such sometimes, but there is a lot less awkwardness than one might think. We have been together 7 1/2yrs, married for almost 2, and I can honestly say we are both happy with each other and our baby in life. Either I don't notice many stares or we don't get em much, but anytime someone makes a remark or tries to poke fun either playfully or mean about our age differance, I let them know if I was uncomfortable with my situation I would not have put myself in the position to let it bother me.

pennylove 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Australia 1355 posts
10th Apr '13
Quoting hiljoys:" It is starting to feel like a daily task, you're right. And maybe that is why I'm posting the question..? ... [snip!] ... understand me. Not sure how to work on that part of it.. other than those few things, we generally have a good relationship."


yours sounds similiar to my relationship, he is 13 yrs older than me, last night it was about how to cook the perfect garlic bread!! who frigin cares but he had to show me for next time.:(

~*~*~*~ ; 1 child; Biteme, ca, United States 1716 posts
10th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting pennylove:</b>" yours sounds similiar to my relationship, he is 13 yrs older than me, last night it was about how to cook the perfect garlic bread!! who frigin cares but he had to show me for next time.:("</blockquote>




I think sometimes it may just be a 'man thing', not just an older man thing? Of course IDK your situation, but I know when DH does stuff like that I tell him 'This is life, not algebra. I will still show my work, but there are different ways to get there and there can be more than one correct result.' I find myself telling him something sometimes when I should let it be and he will say the same thing.

SillyBek Due June 23 (boy); 17 kids; Utah 307 posts
10th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting hiljoys:</b>" Just curious if anyone else has or has had an older SO? What is your relationship like? Sex? Views? ... [snip!] ... (or can) but I definitely see a change in who he is/or who I thought he was.. Not that I love him any less. :) Anyone else?"</blockquote>



I wouldn't have it any other way lol. My first sons dad was 8 years older, my ex was 15 years older and my current boyfriend is 10 years older. I dated guys closer to my age and those were the relationships that were short and not as much fun sexually lol. I want to be settled down and I honestly don't think guys are ready for that until around 30.