Reply
Hard questions that shouldn't be hard SIDS survivor 17 kids; Washington 196 posts
13th Apr '13

January of 2012 I lost my 10.5wk baby girl to SIDS. Since then I have realized how difficult it is to answer strangers questions. You meet new people and one of the questions ppl ask is "do you have kids?" She was our first baby, but I didn't want to say "not anymore" so sometimes I just say "no". I'm now 23wks pregnant with #2, also a girl. This question gets more difficult now. I don't want a bunch of unsolicited pregnancy and parenting advice from ppl so I tell them that this isn't my first baby. Then I get the question of how old my first is. Again when I'm shopping I don't want to get into this story, because even the one sentence version will still make me cry, and probably make others uncomfortable. So I say how old she would be, then quickly make my way out of that conversation and leave. Is there a better way to answer this question that would be easier for me to tell? I'm afraid that saying she's 1.5years will lead to follow-up questions that I can't answer. I know I could always lie, but it makes me uncomfortable. And it would make no sense for me to say she's 10.5wks old while I'm 5months pregnant. Confused and struggling. Thanks for reading/for your advice.

Sofia's Mummy♥ 1 child; United Kingdom 7331 posts
13th Apr '13

I guess you could just say you had a daughter who passed away in infancy. If someone presses you with questions you're uncomfortable with, politely tell them that it is a difficult topic for you and you find it hard to answer questions.



I'm so sorry for your loss.

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 45002 posts
13th Apr '13

My MIL lost a child, she always says that she has 9 children. When someone asks, she just said that she had a daughter who passed away in infancy.



It stops the other questions.

SIDS survivor 17 kids; Washington 196 posts
13th Apr '13

I know ppl will stop asking questions if I say that. It's just so difficult to get those words out still. It still feels like yesterday and these prego hormones make it easier. I guess I just thought I'd be a little easier by now.

Ashley R [[x3]] 3 kids; Greenville, South Carolina 1531 posts
13th Apr '13

My MIL lost a daughter. (Granted she was 15 months so a little older) She says she has 5 kids and when people ask she says she would be 20 now but she passed when she was a toddler. She said it gets easier to say as time goes on.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
13th Apr '13

I would just say, "I had another child, and it's really hard for me to talk about her."

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
13th Apr '13

I would just say, "I had another child, and it's really hard for me to talk about her."

SR ♥ 1 child; V, AR, United States 7820 posts
status 13th Apr '13

I don't have much to offer, but.....I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I know it must be extremely difficult. :(

Boob Juice Factory. [EBFB 3 kids; Melbourne, Australia 3264 posts
13th Apr '13

I would say, she would be 1.5 years.

Amanda.M 2 kids; St Albans, Vermont 890 posts
13th Apr '13

I don't have any advice for you, as I have never been in your position and i could not begin to imagain how hard it must be. I just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss and that I hope things get easier for you with time. =[

Hathor + A Due December 23; 16 kids; Spring, Texas 12834 posts
13th Apr '13

Say she would have been or she pass away.

mɑkɑnɑni USA, FL, United States 62825 posts
13th Apr '13
Quoting Head of Pots:" I would just say, "I had another child, and it's really hard for me to talk about her.""


:!:

SIDS survivor 17 kids; Washington 196 posts
13th Apr '13

Thanks for everyone's responses. I guess there really is no easy way of talking about this, at least for now.