Reply
Is just "being there" enough? Bel & KJ's Momma 2 kids; Kansas 316 posts
13th Apr '13

My SO works a 40 hour a week job, as do I. Our days go like this... Him: Wake up at 5:30 am, get ready, go to work, off by 4, come home..or go wherever he feels like. Me: Get up at 6 am, get ready, get both girls ready (ages 2 and 4), take each of them to their seperate daycares, go to work, off at 5, pick up both girls, come home, make dinner, bathe both girls while dinner is in the oven, feed girls, clean up, put both girls to bed. At this point he has been sitting on the couch on craigslist looking for truck parts & listening to music since he got home. He hardly talks to me or plays with the kids at all. There are times where I ask him for help cooking/taking care of the girls but he acts like he can't hear me.... he has Fridays off, but I do not. I still send both girls to child care (I'm still the one getting up and getting them ready, taking them & picking them up) so he has all day to do as he pleases. He also has off weekends, as do I. Last weekend I asked him if he would accompany the girls and I to the park and then for some frozen yogurt. He said no, that he had "stuff" to do. Such as pull apart the truck he wrecked, go fishing, etc. I was hurt, and complained that he never makes time for his family, and his response was "I'm home every night!"... This weekend, I got up with the girls at 7am (he slept in and refused to help get them ready) I took them to the zoo, park and library, all by myself. I asked him to go but his response was the same as the previous weekend. He was fishing all day, is going to the dirt track races tonight and then night fishing and will be home who knows when. He refuses to go to the circus tomorrow too for the same reason... each time I "complain"...he responds with "I'm home every night with you guys!" and get's angry at me. I don't mind doing things by myself, as I am an independant person. It just gets very lonely. I am in a relationship so I expect to be part of a team. It feels like I don't even have an SO most of the time because I am always alone. 98% of my most precious memories with my children he isn't even a part of. We have been through so much in the 4 years we have been together, because of his drinking, dui's, and partying... and I'm about on my last straw. So tell me...is just "being there" enough? Am I overreacting? Anyone else have SOs like this?

Sofia's Mummy♥ 1 child; United Kingdom 7331 posts
13th Apr '13

No. It's not enough.

speaktruth2powr 2 kids; Ontario 44999 posts
status 13th Apr '13

No. It's definitely not enough.



Why can't he pick them up at 4 pm and spend an hour or so of one-on-one time with them?

homes cool 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60889 posts
13th Apr '13

No, it isn't.

Hy'ska 2 kids; Washington 50677 posts
13th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Bel & KJ's Momma:</b>" My SO works a 40 hour a week job, as do I. Our days go like this... Him: Wake up at 5:30 am, get ready, ... [snip!] ... and I'm about on my last straw. So tell me...is just "being there" enough? Am I overreacting? Anyone else have SOs like this?"</blockquote>




That would piss me off to no end. Dh and I both work and he takes the boys to daycare, pick them up and we both clean. Just being a physical presence is not enough.

Sara❥ 1 child; Sumter, South Carolina 8621 posts
13th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Bel & KJ's Momma:</b>" My SO works a 40 hour a week job, as do I. Our days go like this... Him: Wake up at 5:30 am, get ready, ... [snip!] ... and I'm about on my last straw. So tell me...is just "being there" enough? Am I overreacting? Anyone else have SOs like this?"</blockquote>




He sounds like an a*****e. He'll keep doing that kind of stuff as long as you let him. Y'all are both working the same amount and y'all should be splitting the rest evenly. IMO.

*A&N's Mama* 2 kids; Halifax, Nova Scotia 4627 posts
13th Apr '13

That's not enough at all! I would sit down with him and have a SERIOUS chat or consider waking away. What's the point in being with someone like that? :(

. Way, MA, United States 73774 posts
status 13th Apr '13

Not at all. He needs to be present in his kids' lives. Not just in the same house.

CerealMakerWife♥ TTC since Apr 2013; 5 kids; Ukraine 36287 posts
13th Apr '13

No it's not enought. He doesn't know what he's missing.

meggg+J,B&L♥ 3 kids; Nasinu, Fiji 16900 posts
13th Apr '13

I just read your profile, is he not their dad? Maybe he feels like it's not his responsibility to take are of them? He sounds like an a*****e.

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
13th Apr '13

That would make me feel very hurt. It bothers me when SO has the time to do fun stuff with the kids and I but is cranky the whole time instead of enjoying the family time, I can't imagine how upset I would be if he just didn't come. I would try telling him it in terms of the memories, and how in ten or 20 years the kids might wonder why he skipped so much stuff

What's wrong, flat face? TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Texas 13675 posts
13th Apr '13

It is not enough and I deal with this same shit from my DH. I actually have to go and pull him away from the BS he is doing and be like why the f**k is it that you can spend x hours with a game but not 1 with your son?! So then he drags his ass in there and plays with his child. I am like I don't f**king care if you don't want to act like you do. You need to put your foot down on it and make it clear to him that that is not ok.

Munchkin Maker 2 kids; Maryland 733 posts
13th Apr '13
Quoting Brink:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Bel & KJ's Momma:</b>" My SO works a 40 hour a week job, as ... [snip!] ... and I both work and he takes the boys to daycare, pick them up and we both clean. Just being a physical presence is not enough."


That.



Bel & KJ's Momma 2 kids; Kansas 316 posts
13th Apr '13
Quoting meggg+J&B♥:" I just read your profile, is he not their dad? Maybe he feels like it's not his responsibility to take are of them? He sounds like an a*****e."

He is my youngest daughter's dad. We have been together since my oldest was very young.

LiZZie B Due September 8; 51 kids; Florida 6049 posts
13th Apr '13

Sounds like he is just a bump on the f**king log! You need to have him pick up then slack, he can start by picking up his kids from daycare, get home, start dinner, so when you get home you can relax and eat and then both do bath time or break it up where you each take turns. He seems like a complete a*****e.. And I'm sorry but part of this is that you gave him the right to do NOTHING! He should be helping and the whole not spending time with his kids/family is complete bullshit, You can do BETTER, find a real man who is going to love you and your kids... He sounds like an ungrateful loser!