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Trust issues? amaandaanne 16 kids; Nebraska 50 posts
14th Apr '13

My boyfriend has had a few times that he will question me constantly insisting that I'm cheating or I'm doing something I shouldn't. We currently live sixty miles away from each other at the moment. He has been cheated on in the past, and so have I. Anyways.. Lately it's started to get more and more irritating.. We were pregnant, and lost the baby... The entire time he mentioned how we should have a dna test to make sure the baby was his. I kept telling him it was his, and he has no reason to think otherwise. I don't believe he's cheating on me. He has a low self esteem, and he hardly leaves his house to go anywhere, but work. I just wish I could prove to him that I am not cheating, and clear the air so he never needs to question me. I'm so lost. I'm afraid if this continues to happen our relationship will end.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44076 posts
14th Apr '13

Does something happen that makes him freak out? Like you don't answer te phone or have time periods where he doesn't know where u are? I know most people will say he's nuts or whatnot, but if you love him you should try to do what you can to help him feel secure. It sounds like he's very insecure and its nothing you're doing wrong. Maybe tey texting him when you go somewhere or see someone. The more secure he feels the less you'll need to help reassure him. If he's not worth it then don't waste your time. But that's your decision to make.

amaandaanne 16 kids; Nebraska 50 posts
14th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" Does something happen that makes him freak out? Like you don't answer te phone or have time periods where ... [snip!] ... the less you'll need to help reassure him. If he's not worth it then don't waste your time. But that's your decision to make."</blockquote>




There's been a few times here, and there that he hasn't got a hold of me. I can understand how that may look towards him. He has admitted in the past that he's so used to people walking out of his life it's almost like he's testing me to see how far he can take it before I walk away. Since we lost the baby his trust issues have been worse. I don't want to give up on the relationship. I just wish I knew how to help him, and make him realize he has nothing to worry about.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44076 posts
14th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting amndaa:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" Does something happen that makes him freak ... [snip!] ... want to give up on the relationship. I just wish I knew how to help him, and make him realize he has nothing to worry about."</blockquote>



Well if he's worth it then he just may need that overly obsessive reassurance for awhile. And once he is secure you can wean off it. I go through similar phases. My SO loves me enough to out up with it and do what I need. But I know not all people would do that. I have done the same thing. I have been so used to conditional love that I admit I have pushed SO unintentionally just to try to make him leave just like Everyone else. He unconditionally loves me otherwise he's be looooooong Gone haha!!!

amaandaanne 16 kids; Nebraska 50 posts
14th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting amndaa:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" ... [snip!] ... just to try to make him leave just like Everyone else. He unconditionally loves me otherwise he's be looooooong Gone haha!!!"</blockquote>




That makes sense. Thanks for taking your time to reply. I'm thinking about this situation differently now.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
14th Apr '13

In my experience, the people who question whether the other person is cheating, obsessively, are the people cheating.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44076 posts
14th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting amndaa:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting lolajessup:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting amndaa:</b>" ... [snip!] ... That makes sense. Thanks for taking your time to reply. I'm thinking about this situation differently now."</blockquote>




I hope it helps a little. Cause some people do have issues with I security and its nothing related to cheating at all. I've never cheated on SO and never would or even think about it but I've gone through periods where I'm convinced he's cheating when he's obviously not. I get intrusive thoughts a lot and I think my anxiety makes me crazy over it at times. Like one stupid thing will trigger an obsessive thought and I just can't control it and it spirals into something ridiculous. For example, the other day I glanced down at the dashboard and it triggered a thought about SO and how he used to keep his Exs pic in his dashboard. He's never done that for me and I have him a pic of me once and he out it in a cubby hole and its been there 6 yrs. my Intrusive thought made me question his love for me and made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Just stupid stuff like that. It's defi Italy worse when I forget my meds (which I have been doing a lot lately :oops:)

Im watching you 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Adelaide, Australia 4985 posts
14th Apr '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" In my experience, the people who question whether the other person is cheating, obsessively, are the people cheating."


this is my experience also



i was accused of cheating many times , and my ex also told people that he didn't think he was the father



turned out he was cheating with a few woman and chatting to others online



i would be weary of being accused of cheating but anyone now

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
14th Apr '13

IMO, this is a form of abuse.



His trust issues are HIS. HE needs to deal with them and leave you alone.



Making you feel shameful and wrong for something you never did all to appease HIS insecurities is disgusting.



Id tell him to fuck off and when he can treat me like the women I am, then we can discuss a relationship.

Babiee Miller Due April 29; 2 kids; Calgary, Alberta 69 posts
14th Apr '13

People that have been hurt in the past tend to be more self concious of themselves, a their self esteem goes down. dnt fnd it abuseive that he hs trust issues he is just scared of loosing you the way I look at it. my boyfriend is the same way smetimes he has trust issues and that is only because he has been hurt by o women ad he is just woRried and yu two live that far away keep in contact as much as yu can :). its defenelty okay to wrry eeryone does it have even wrongfully accussed my hubby stay strong!!

Millie 1 child; Grand Rapids, MI, United States 150 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Babiee Miller:</b>" People that have been hurt in the past tend to be more self concious of themselves, a their self esteem ... [snip!] ... contact as much as yu can :). its defenelty okay to wrry eeryone does it have even wrongfully accussed my hubby stay strong!!"</blockquote>




I agree just keep ur head up and keep talkin to him or find away for u guys to be closer

amaandaanne 16 kids; Nebraska 50 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Millie the Lette:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Babiee Miller:</b>" People that have been hurt in the past tend ... [snip!] ... stay strong!!"</blockquote> I agree just keep ur head up and keep talkin to him or find away for u guys to be closer"</blockquote>




We plan on moving in together once my lease is up. I just hope time goes by faster.

amaandaanne 16 kids; Nebraska 50 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Babiee Miller:</b>" People that have been hurt in the past tend to be more self concious of themselves, a their self esteem ... [snip!] ... contact as much as yu can :). its defenelty okay to wrry eeryone does it have even wrongfully accussed my hubby stay strong!!"</blockquote>




I think that's the case with him. He never gives me a reason to think he's cheating. I know our situation will be so much better once we move in together. I think losing the baby stressed him out a little more than he wants to admit.

amaandaanne 16 kids; Nebraska 50 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Im watching you:</b>" this is my experience also i was accused of cheating many times , and my ex also told people that ... [snip!] ... he was cheating with a few woman and chatting to others online i would be weary of being accused of cheating but anyone now "</blockquote>




That's what I have always been told.. If they accuse you they're only guilty. However I don't have that feeling or any reason to suspect him. My last ex did cheat multiple times. I finally caught on the second time he cheated. I just had the gut feeling something was up. I don't have that with him.