Reply

Cast Your Vote:

    • It's disrespectful to the actual parent -- Votes: 76
    • It's cute. The kid gets two! -- Votes: 12
Do you think it's disrespectful? *poll* Christan_89 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8043 posts
14th Apr '13

Let's say a child has two parents that are very involved in the child's life, but not together, and one of the parents gets into a relationship or marriage with someone else. Do you think it's disrespectful/degrading/wrong for the parent who got together with someone else to refer to their SO as "mommy" or "daddy" or something similar? Like if you are single and get remarried, to call your husband by "daddy" even though your child's biological father is very involved and a good dad. My friend is upset because her ex is engaged and has her son calling his soon-to-be step mom "Kaymmy" which is a mix between Kayla (her name) and Mommy. She feels like she should be the ONLY person who should be allowed to be called any form of that word. Then I have another friend who just got married and keeps calling her husband "daddy" to her son, even though his dad is very involved in his life. Do you think this is disrespectful to the other parent?

user banned Vancouver, British Columbia 5643 posts
14th Apr '13

I think it's disrespectful. If the child started calling them mommy or daddy on their own that's one thing but to try and push a kid to say that is not appropriate IMO.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19531 posts
status 14th Apr '13

its a case by case basis.




my dad was very much around, but my step dad was the provider, dealer of discipline, love, and all the tough stuff. my mom married my step dad when I was 3, and he was dad too.



it all worked out for me.

Cordelia's Mom 33 kids; Bakersfield, California 3685 posts
14th Apr '13

I think it should be up to the child. I was forced to call my step dad "dad" and I despised it. I wasn't forced to call my step mom "mom" but I did sometimes. So, in my opinion, it would be disrespectful if the kid was forced to.. not if they did it on their own.

laura+3.0 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Texas 14725 posts
14th Apr '13

My sons dad and I are split up. I'm getting married next weekend, he's in a serious relationship. Our son calls my fianc

~The Lunar Flower~ 2 kids; Alabama 6748 posts
14th Apr '13

If my husband & I ever divorced & he tried that mess i'd be highly offended. I bust my ass as a parent & I earned the title of 'mommy'. I would never encourage my son to call anyone else 'daddy' if his father was involved a lot. I just feel like its an earned term of endearment, not just something to be thrown around IMO

Christan_89 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8043 posts
14th Apr '13
Quoting pilot Jess:" its a case by case basis. my dad was very much around, but my step dad was the provider, dealer of ... [snip!] ... love, and all the tough stuff. my mom married my step dad when I was 3, and he was dad too. it all worked out for me."

My dad wasn't around at all when I was a kid. I saw him when I was 3 and then again for the first time at 13, when he suddenly decided to try and have a "relationship" with me. My mom got married to the man I consider my "daddy" when I was eight. To this day, even though bio-dad and I are on good terms, I still see my step-father as my super-hero dad, and bio-dad as more of a distant relative. Lol. I think it hurts bio-dad a little when he sees me and my dad together or when I talk about him. But that's the price you pay for being an absentee father. But all that aside, that's not really what I'm referring to. I'm talking about someone who had a great relationship with BOTH of their parents... think "shared custody".

Pey and Trista's mommy Due January 5; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Houston, Texas 42503 posts
14th Apr '13

That is a very complicated situation. It depends on each situation. For example, my best friend has 3 kids by a man who is a crappy father and one by her ex bf and one with her husband. The 3 oldest girls call her husband daddy and love him as their own. The other little girl by the ex has an involved father but still calls her step dad daddy or dad. I think if she didn't she might feel awkward since her older and younger siblings do.



i honestly don't know how i would feel about it but i know out can be complicated.

♀NoBoysAllowed 19 kids; San Diego, California 51862 posts
14th Apr '13

If the child does it without being told or asked to, then no. If they told him to call her mommy from the get go, then yes, it's rude. BUT, the name you mentioned wouldn't bother me, so long as she was actually being a mother-figure. If she was just dad's piece of ass, it would bother me.

[JadeLee] 1 child; Minnesota 12190 posts
14th Apr '13

If the child is forced or taught it is disrespectful.
But if the child wants to why not.

I'm actually a virgin Due June 9; 1 child; Oregon 18466 posts
14th Apr '13

The only way I'd allow my child to call someone else mommy (I quiver at the thought) is if it was not forced on him, he fully understood that I am mommy and she were step, and it was his choice. If it was coached or encouraged by my ex or his new spouse, I'd be livid.

PurpleBama582 52 kids; Dothan, Alabama 3875 posts
14th Apr '13

If both parents are involved in the child's life, then calling a step-parent(or SO of whichever parent) "mommy" "Daddy" or any variation thereof is absolutely disrespectful. My 2nd husband tried to do that with my kids, even though their dad was as involved with their lives as he could be. When I put my foot down, my ex got pissed. Now that I am back together with my first husband(dad to my older two and to the one I'm pregnant with), we don't allow my youngest DD to call him "Daddy" or anything of the like. She calls my SO "Mr. Tony" and it works really well. SO's other two kids don't call me "mommy" or any variation. I am "Casey" and that's it. I am not their mom, nor am I trying to take their mom's place. My SO is not trying to take the place of my DD's dad, either. I don't know what my ex's gf calls herself to my daughter, but right now, my daughter calls her "Miss Lisa," and I just hope the same level of respect continues.

Stephicus Due April 25 (girl); 1 child; Pennsylvania 116 posts
14th Apr '13

My parents divorced when I was 2. They both stayed in the same town, they lived about a mile apart. I went to Dad's house after school, then home to mom's until I was a teenager, then I just switched to going to dad's on the weekends. I love my dad, always have, but he hasn't been the most attentive parent on the planet, in fact I'd say the opposite is fairly true, but he's always been my "dad". My mom got together with my stepdad when I was 5, he was the provider and they are still together 30 years later, but the boundary was never crossed, he was always called by his first name, there was never any discussion about it. My step mom is the same way. If my husband and I were to break up and he found a new partner, there's no way I'd be tolerating my children calling her "mom". I am the one that carried them for 9 months, took care of their every need, lost sleep, etc. For another woman to step in at some point in the future and be declared approximately equivalent to that would piss me off. DH and I would have a loooooooonnnggg conversation about it until they came up with something else. I also wouldn't be including her in any decision making that pertains to the children. That line was always drawn for me when I was a kid and I think it should stay that way. I love my step parents, but it's just not the same (unless one parent is completely or mostly absent).

Christan_89 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8043 posts
14th Apr '13
Quoting Mel & a girl named Pey:" That is a very complicated situation. It depends on each situation. For example, my best friend has ... [snip!] ... since her older and younger siblings do. i honestly don't know how i would feel about it but i know out can be complicated."


I think I'd be highly pissed if I were in that situation. My friend who I was referring to, (the one who's ex is trying to get their son to call his step-mom "Kaymmy") has primary custody and is the best mom in the world. His dad gets their son every other weekend and Thursday nights. He doesn't pay child support, he's just a douche, and the girl he's engaged to is 19 and not really interested in being a MOM. I think they are just doing it to get under her skin. But it sucks because when her son is mad at her for something, he goes "I LIKE MY KAYMMY BETTER! She lets me do whatever I want!" Ugh. That would just make me SO mad!!!

Moses. Due October 27; 3 kids; Texas 16003 posts
14th Apr '13

I think the child should call the other parent whatever they are comfortable calling them. I have a good friend who has been with her husband since his daughter was 4 months old and the little girl is now 10 and has called her mommy megan since she learned to talk and that's the name she came up with on her own. IDK how the mom feels about it, I have only met her once anyway, but my friend is as much of a mother to her as her real mom is. And has been since she was 4 months old. If DH and I split and he found someone who loved my kids like she loves his daughter, I'd be ok with mommy whatever her name is.