Reply
Who's responsible for updates? Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
15th Apr '13

My ex sends a text every month or two asking about the kids. He blocked my FB (because I reported his harassing phone calls, not to do w/ the kids except threats to take them to get back at me) which was the only way he got to see pics as his phone doesn't get picture messages supposedly. When I do send him a text about the kids, he seldom replies. Even when my son had surgery a couple months ago, he only responded to 2 or 3 of the tons of texts I sent him about it. So, my question is is it my responsibility to update him or his responsibility to ask about them? I mean legally, like if he ever took me to court over custody. He's threatened it but I really don't see it happening (he hasn't even tried to see them in the past 7 mths and as I said, barely tries to contact me about how they're doing & he's afraid if he fights for custody, I'll pursue CS), I just don't want him to have anything to hold against me *if* he ever follows through. I've never stopped him from seeing the kids or not answered ANY of his texts, but honestly, I don't text him regularly about them since he doesn't seem interested.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
15th Apr '13

It is his responsibility to ask if he wants to know. I would only contact him in cases of emergency and reply to him when he asks about him. Also I would record EVERYTHING.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
15th Apr '13

It's his responsibility. If he wants information, then he should ask. As long as you willingly give information when he asks for it, then no problem. I wouldn't bother trying to keep him updated on things.

Brody, Astoria & Slader's 3 kids; Oregon 2029 posts
15th Apr '13

Thank you both! I figured it was his responsibility but wanted to be sure I wasn't screwing myself in any legal way by not sending daily updates or something.

Emilia's mumum +1! 2 kids; Beaverton, Oregon 11023 posts
15th Apr '13

Daily updates is crazy, but I think it would be good if you sent him updates maybe twice a month or if something big comes up.

Tabitha+4 (41wks) Due August 8 (boy); 3 kids; Arizona 23108 posts
15th Apr '13

I think you should continue to be the bigger person & update him. You should update him about big things like surgeries, anything school-related, or maybe even illness. However, I would keep it very short & never expect a reply.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 27055 posts
15th Apr '13
Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" It is his responsibility to ask if he wants to know. I would only contact him in cases of emergency and reply to him when he asks about him. Also I would record EVERYTHING."


This. It's not your job to update him about HIS kids, HE can call too.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36509 posts
15th Apr '13
Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" It is his responsibility to ask if he wants to know. I would only contact him in cases of emergency and reply to him when he asks about him. Also I would record EVERYTHING."



This!!!



I do not give out information about my son to my ex. He has not asked about his schooling in over a year, and I do not give him copies of anything anymore. He doesnt want to ask, then why should I give out info when he doesnt want it?

mom2andrew&carter 18 kids; Leesburg, Florida 2159 posts
15th Apr '13

its his responsibilty to ask about them but i would keep him informed if there were any emergency because in case he did pursue custody or something you can say you kept him informed

************************* Chehalis, Washington 362 posts
15th Apr '13

I'm in the same situation, only different as the baby ia still inside me lol. My lawyer said that giving him updates will show a court that I'm cooperative and tried to get him involved in his child's life. His non-reply and uncaringness will show he didn't care despite my going the extra mile. Just send the texts about the big stuff. Dr. Appts, school, etc. And document everything. That way if he does take you to court he won't have a chance at saying you were difficult to deal with.

♥three babies ♥ Due September 13; 4 kids; Louisville, Ky, United States 7373 posts
15th Apr '13

My ex boyfriend doesn't get any updates. My son will be 5 this September and he only asked about my son 30 to 40 times since he been born. My son had surgery and the jackass didn't even respond to my text messages. So, from then on I don't send him any text messages regarding my son. Plus my son is calling my DH daddy so in my eyes his sperm donor isn't his daddy anymore. My DH has raised him from the time he hit 3 weeks old to now.
Every time I look at my ex fb to see if he has a job or something he'll ask "who's that momma." I tell him that he's no one. My son isn't old enough to know the whole story to why his BD doesn't want nothing to do with him.
If my ex wants to know something about my son he knows where to get a hold of me.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36509 posts
15th Apr '13
Quoting amkcr8667810:" I'm in the same situation, only different as the baby ia still inside me lol. My lawyer said that giving ... [snip!] ... document everything. That way if he does take you to court he won't have a chance at saying you were difficult to deal with."

He doesnt HAVE to care about the baby until it is born. So giving him updates and keeping them is pointless.

one of each 4 me Due January 8; TTC since Mar 2014; 3 kids; Ohio 6198 posts
15th Apr '13

It is in my custody papers that I have to keep him updated. I did for a while but then stopped. He doesn't let me know anything about what happens when they are with him and he doesn't respond to any of my texts ever. So I only tell him major things. It's super sad. He was a good dad and as time is going on he's getting worse and worse.

************************* Chehalis, Washington 362 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Yurvette [♥]:</b>" He doesnt HAVE to care about the baby until it is born. So giving him updates and keeping them is pointless. "</blockquote>




What's your point? OP asked about HER situation, whose baby IS born and that's what my lawyer told me to do once my baby is here, which would then put me in her situation. Otherwise don't you suppose I would have kept my mouth shut because I had no clue? Nevermind. That was a dumb question to ask someone who knows nothing about keeping their mouth shut.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36509 posts
16th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting *************************:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Yurvette [♥]:</b>" He doesnt HAVE to care about the baby ... [snip!] ... because I had no clue? Nevermind. That was a dumb question to ask someone who knows nothing about keeping their mouth shut."</blockquote>




Excuse me? I didn't think we were talking about your kids that are already here. I thought you were talking about the baby that you are pregnant with. So sorry for the confusion. Also i do know how to keep my mouth shut.