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Losing my mind BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

I have been so emotional lately and try my damndest to keep a good mood for my son ( year and a half). Last weekend I got in yet another fight with DH which actually resulted in him crying and apologizing for treating me like he does. He knows he is verbally abusive....he admits to taking his stress out on me...he is so tucking passive aggressive I can only take so much. Well we had another fight the next day (Sunday) and he was a complete a*****e to me again....right before company came over he was yelling at me and putting me down. After they left he was in a good mood and was just like Oh sorry I have been grumpy. That's it....then he fell asleep on the couch. I feel like his room mate half the time that he doesn't even like me. All this tension builds up inside of me and I feel like its affecting my parenting...I had thoughts of hitting my baby this morning....I hate myself for thinking like that....Im so stressed out but I feel like I am crazy for getting this emotional. Sometimes I feel like we need to just live separately because I want to be the parent to my child. Sorry if this was confusing



Im like bawling typing this. May be a post and run...

.Enigma. clusterfuck, LA, Sri Lanka 107102 posts
15th Apr '13

So he apologized then turned around and did the same thing again and just expects you to forget it?

I would probably be working on an ultimatum for him changing or ending the relationship, especially since it is effecting your relationship with your lo :(

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
15th Apr '13

He either needs to go to anger management and counseling, or you need to leave. It's not okay to treat you like that, and it's not fair to your son.



Do you still love him?

greenmamabecky☮ TTC since Jul 2013; 18 kids; Enfield, Connecticut 20987 posts
15th Apr '13

I understand. I felt the exact same way, it took me until my son was almost 2 to leave. I feel like I missed out on so much of his life because I was so distracted and preoccupied with DH(we were broken up for 8 months, he got help and completely change, and we got back together and are happier than ever).
You will feel so much better once you leave and can focus on yourself and your child. I know I did.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" So he apologized then turned around and did the same thing again and just expects you to forget it? ... [snip!] ... on an ultimatum for him changing or ending the relationship, especially since it is effecting your relationship with your lo :("</blockquote>



He keeps saying he wants to change and he is trying....but its always another excuse....he's stressed out right now cuz of this or this. We've been together for 8 years and I'm just at my limit...but at the same time I feel like its wrong to walk away now that we have a kid.



I have told him to stop or I am leaving...and he did so much better but it just falls right back into the same thing. I question myself half the time

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Of course you know none of this is your baby's fault. Remember that when you want to strike him because ... [snip!] ... leave, then talk. Also I'd speak with a Dr about how you feel and maybe you can get some help such as counseling or medication."</blockquote>




I know...Its a thought that flashed in my head and Im like .tf I need to calm down...so I walk away for a minute. You are right I need to go to counseling.



I know just thinking it is a big red flag

.Enigma. clusterfuck, LA, Sri Lanka 107102 posts
15th Apr '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" <blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" So he apologized then turned around and did ... [snip!] ... or I am leaving...and he did so much better but it just falls right back into the same thing. I question myself half the time"


Changing is really, really hard.

It just doesn't seem genuine since he started the same shit and did not address it within such a short time period.
I am all for working things out and not giving up on someone, but he is passing off his anger and frustration off to you and you are dealing with the brunt of it and very close to taking it out on your lo.

I would want to see proof that he really was working on changing and turning around and doing the very same thing that he apologized for within 24 hours is just not proof to me.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommyToWesley:</b>" He either needs to go to anger management and counseling, or you need to leave. It's not okay to treat you like that, and it's not fair to your son. Do you still love him?"</blockquote>




I will always love him...but its hard to feel "in love" right now

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Changing is really, really hard. It just doesn't seem genuine since he started the same shit and ... [snip!] ... on changing and turning around and doing the very same thing that he apologized for within 24 hours is just not proof to me."</blockquote>




He went a week where he was really nice and genuinely seemed to have changed...but when he gets stressed...it starts up again.



I'm just going to have to tell him how its affecting me and that I am going to leave if he doesn't quit....but even then I feel like it will only last so long....Then part of me is like what if I am just fucked up and I am blaming my instability on him

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Well I understand intrusive thoughts. When you have them though, it's time to address it. I feel your ... [snip!] ... main stress factor for you so perhaps a little break while you both work on yourselves, and your relationship would be best."</blockquote>




I feel like that's a good idea. I don't want to say that he is making me have these thoughts....but he is causing alt of stress on me and its not a good environment for LO ultimately

.Enigma. clusterfuck, LA, Sri Lanka 107102 posts
15th Apr '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" <blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Changing is really, really hard. It just ... [snip!] ... like it will only last so long....Then part of me is like what if I am just fucked up and I am blaming my instability on him"


Is he open to medication or therapy for the stress/anxiety?

I know most men are not, which makes it harder.

And I don;t think you are blaming anything on him, your anger and frustration seems to be a direct result of the way he treats you.



Meanwhile, do you think speaking to your doctor about the stress you have been feeling might be a good idea? I know meds are not always the answer, but imagine how horrible it would be if one day you gave in to that flash of anger and hurt your baby?
You would never forgive yourslf or him :(

I am glad that you recognize how serious it is getting and I wish I could help you

*A&N's Mama* 2 kids; Halifax, Nova Scotia 4627 posts
15th Apr '13

You need to give him an ultimatum. Either seek professional help & counselling with you or pack up LO and leave. Like someone else said, that's a toxic environment for LO

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Is he open to medication or therapy for the stress/anxiety? I know most men are not, which makes ... [snip!] ... You would never forgive yourslf or him :( I am glad that you recognize how serious it is getting and I wish I could help you"</blockquote>




He agreed to couples counseling.



I really hate that I have come to just THINKING of hitting him....I'm not even a spanking type of parent....the opposite actually I am more AP then anything.



I definitely need to go to counseling for myself either way....I feel like my self esteem is probably shot to shit

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
15th Apr '13

I have to go but thank you ladies so much for responding and for your advice

.Enigma. clusterfuck, LA, Sri Lanka 107102 posts
15th Apr '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" I have to go but thank you ladies so much for responding and for your advice"


Best of luck to you
I hope if you are not able to work it out you have the strength to leave.