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Need to talk to people who understand. Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13

WARNING: Long back story to get to the question. I think the question still makes sense if you just skip to the bottom. Maybe.. Idk, I cant even think straight at this point.



Ok so I will start with some back story. I had always said I would never have kids because I was not going to be responsible for screwing up a childs life. (I had a very abusive upbringing). Well when I got married I decided I wanted one child, but only one, so I could put all my love and attention in to that child and make sure I was a good parent. I wasn't sure it would ever happen because my husband thought he was sterile (with his ex for almost 4 years, never used protection, never had a scare. Her first time sleeping with someone else she got pregnant). I was ok with not worrying about and then found out I was pregnant with DD 4 days before my 20th birthday. Had a rough pregnancy and a horrible delivery and ended up with PPD. Couldn't have been happier. I"m thankful every day to have her. Well when she was about 18 months old I found myself vuagely wondering if I wanted to have another baby some day, not right away, but maybe in the future. After a month or two of feeling that way I talked to my husband about it and we came to the agreement that if we had another baby we would wait a few more years so we could be in a house and be more stable. 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant on birth control. I'm ashamed to say I reacted very badly to the news. Through my pregnancy I was basically in denile, I mean I accepted I was pregnant but never the fact that that I was having another child (if that makes any sense). When I found out I was having a boy I was completely devistated. I had several things happen to me growing up that made me terrified of being responsible for a boy, I will leave it at that. I held it in for about two or three months till I read a topic on here about someone going through something simillar and broke down and admited it to my husband, who had no idea having a boy terrified me. The last few months got better emotionally as I no longer felt I had to pretend to be thrilled but could actually express my feelings and ask for help and advice. My pregnancy was horrid, I was at the dr every two weeks and admitted to L&D about 5 times and on bed rest the last 4 months. Better delivery than the last though. My son is amazing. he has truely changed my world for the better and I thank god every day that I was blessed to have him. Well I got the Mirena after he was born and it gave me cysts every month and I was in constant pain but scared of getting it out because I felt it was no use to be on the pill since I got pregnant on it before. 5 months post partum I had the worst cyst so far almost ended up in the hospital. The next 2 months, no cysts. I was pretty happy with that was also starting to feel quite pregnant. I took a test and got a faint positive and 4 hours later started bleeding heavily. I wont go through all the details but the dr confirmed I had been pregnant but lost the baby. From the size of my uterus and the cirumstances of the miscarriage I was somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks along. Everyone around me acted like this was great and such a relief while inside I felt like I was dying. I cried constantly.



Ok so now for the question advice part. It has been 2.5 months since the miscarriage and last night/today my mind is completely obsessed with having a baby. Not about actively trying to get pregnant but just about, being pregnant. I dont know if any of this has made any sense, I dont know if i'm losing my mind. After these kinds of losses, how did you deal with it. Should I try and get it out of my mind and distract myself? Should I let myself just feel? I know no one can tell me if I should try to have another baby and thats not what I'm asking. TIA for any sort of thoughts/advice/what not.

EasyComeEasyGo 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Maryland 8030 posts
16th Apr '13

I think you should see a therapist and come to terms with your past, before deciding to have another child.

Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting EasyComeEasyGo:" I think you should see a therapist and come to terms with your past, before deciding to have another child."


I am not asking if I should have another child and even state that in my post. I am asking for advice of how others who have had losses have dealt with feelings.

Doodles mommy Due July 31; 2 kids; Starke, Florida 1652 posts
16th Apr '13

I lost a pregnancy at 15 weeks. I was devistated. The only thing that helped me to even somewhat overcome that was mourning. I talked to my husband about how I was feeling and just let it all out. I still wonder "what if" but it's easier. Sorry that you're having a hard time coping.

Adriana's Mami♥ +1 Due December 14 (boy); 33 kids; Ontario 3858 posts
16th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~~Nae~:</b>" WARNING: Long back story to get to the question. I think the question still makes sense if you just skip ... [snip!] ... can tell me if I should try to have another baby and thats not what I'm asking. TIA for any sort of thoughts/advice/what not."</blockquote>




Honestly the only way I dealt with my first loss was obsessing and trying to get pregnant again, the second pregnancy ended in miscarriage too and the third was successful. After having my daughter the obsession obviously went away because I got the baby I wanted. Now I'm 5 weeks pregnant again and I know that if this one ends in a loss I will want to try again, even though it wasn't planned. I guess it's the hormones and the thought of another baby that makes me cherish pregnancy, plus now that I know I can carry a baby to term it makes me want it even more. I understand where you're coming from and i hope you can decide what's right for you and be at peace with that.

chubbie2hubbie 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Wisconsin 86 posts
16th Apr '13

After my miscarriage, I was just over trying to get pregnant. Dh amd I had been doinf artifical insemination amd I was just done. So I am no help.



But, I just wanted to say good luck to you and I feel your pain.

Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting Doodles mommy:" I lost a pregnancy at 15 weeks. I was devistated. The only thing that helped me to even somewhat overcome ... [snip!] ... I was feeling and just let it all out. I still wonder "what if" but it's easier. Sorry that you're having a hard time coping."


Thank you. I try talking to my husband but it just feels kind of akward because he had a hard time at first (we both were pretty sure I was before I got the faint positive) and had just come to accept it the day I miscarried. Needless today he wasn't particularly upset. Please dont think he's calus, he wasn't excited for it by any means.



I mean I have had miscarriages before but they were all at like 4 or 5 weeks and while I was upset they were easier to move on from.



I dont know, it was like my subconcious knew for a month or more before I really acknowleged it, I dont know how to explain it. I just feel like theres a piece of my family missing now.

Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting Adriana's Mami♥ +1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~~Nae~:</b>" WARNING: Long back story to get to the question. ... [snip!] ... it even more. I understand where you're coming from and i hope you can decide what's right for you and be at peace with that."


Thank you. I wont lie, even though I am on pill birth control right now I'm on antibiotics and had sex the day before and of ovulation (going by when I usually ovulate) without using extra protection. Honestly the only reason I'm on the pill right now is because the Mirena screwed me up so bad that my Dr felt these pills would help straighten me out again. Then again its probably best i'm on the pill because I dont know what other BC I would use as i'm very hormone sensitive.

Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting Danielle Wetzel:" After my miscarriage, I was just over trying to get pregnant. Dh amd I had been doinf artifical insemination ... [snip!] ... artifical insemination amd I was just done. So I am no help. But, I just wanted to say good luck to you and I feel your pain."


Thank you. I'm sorry you have had so many troubles. I'm glad to know that i'm not going crazy though.

Doodles mommy Due July 31; 2 kids; Starke, Florida 1652 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting ~~Nae~:" Thank you. I try talking to my husband but it just feels kind of akward because he had a hard time ... [snip!] ... more before I really acknowleged it, I dont know how to explain it. I just feel like theres a piece of my family missing now."


:( I'm sorry.
I hope that you're able to find something that helps to heal you.

Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting Doodles mommy:" :( I'm sorry. I hope that you're able to find something that helps to heal you."


Thank you. Maybe only time will help, I'm not sure. But after it consuming me so thouroghly for the last 18 hours I decided it was time to try to talk about it. Thank you for being here for me. It means so much to me.

Doodles mommy Due July 31; 2 kids; Starke, Florida 1652 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting ~~Nae~:" Thank you. Maybe only time will help, I'm not sure. But after it consuming me so thouroghly for the ... [snip!] ... for the last 18 hours I decided it was time to try to talk about it. Thank you for being here for me. It means so much to me."


Anytime that you need someone to talk to, I'll be here. :)

Allons-y Due January 29 (girl); 2 kids; Utah 2318 posts
16th Apr '13

Thank you. Would you mind if I PT you?

Doodles mommy Due July 31; 2 kids; Starke, Florida 1652 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting ~~Nae~:" Thank you. Would you mind if I PT you?"


Of course not, that'd be perfectly fine.