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I want a divorce... MissHolly 2 kids; West Sacramento, California 980 posts
16th Apr '13

Anyone ever get bored of your marriage?
No excitement, no flame, no desire. I am so scared I have fallen out of love with my husband and between him working 60 hour weeks, 2 kids and no time to do the things we used to do I fear this marriage will come to a halt.




What do I do? I am so happy with all aspects of my life and my kids make me so happy, but I feel that life without him will be fine and possibly even better. Scary thoughts....

Kimber-lily Due September 27 (girl); 4 kids; Nova Scotia 28962 posts
16th Apr '13

I think it's a natural cycle in most marriages or long term relationships.
Try to do something together and hang out a little more. The flame will come back.

BrittanieY 18 kids; South Carolina 16634 posts
16th Apr '13

Yes, I have gone through "stale" patches where everything was just a little too routine and comfortable. Love ebbs and flows...it's not a static concept.



As for fixing it, sounds like you need a weekend alone somewhere. If you can't get away, try to spice things up. Make out in your car a bit or wear sexy undies and send him flirty texts about them.



The number one thing you could do is talk to him about it. He may also feel the same way and want to mix it up as well.



Good luck!

blessed with two boys 2 kids; Pennsylvania 220 posts
16th Apr '13

I suggest a date night. Every few months we get a sitter and have dinner, go shopping do whatever. We just need to reconnect sometimes. Having a job, house, children and chores get in the way sometimes.

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2401 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting Kimber-lily:" I think it's a natural cycle in most marriages or long term relationships. Try to do something together and hang out a little more. The flame will come back."


:!:
Me an DH have felt like this once, we dropped the baby off at a friends, we went to eat sushi, watched a movie, went to the mall, we bought a football from Dicks, then we came home and started playing "football."
It was great, and really fun!
We pretty much did what we did when we first started dating, to reconnect and remind ourselves why we need and want each other and why we fell in love in the first place.

Roo & Sophie's mama 2 kids; Denton, Texas 9318 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting BrittanieY:" Yes, I have gone through "stale" patches where everything was just a little too routine and comfortable. ... [snip!] ... number one thing you could do is talk to him about it. He may also feel the same way and want to mix it up as well. Good luck!"

! very well said.

MissHolly 2 kids; West Sacramento, California 980 posts
16th Apr '13

We get dates sometimes but even then there is no lust, no desire. It's like going on a date with my friend who is always tired and cranky and the sexual attraction just isn't there anymore. He's gained about 60 pounds since I met him and it's just different now. I think the more I try to tell myself I love him the more I am lying to myself...

lynnsaymarie 1 child; 1 angel baby; Western, NY, United States 3232 posts
status 16th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BrittanieY:</b>" Yes, I have gone through "stale" patches where everything was just a little too routine and comfortable. ... [snip!] ... number one thing you could do is talk to him about it. He may also feel the same way and want to mix it up as well. Good luck!"</blockquote>




This!



DH and I hit a stale patch not too long ago. Just randomly he told me he felt we were more roommates than anything. That's when I started doing things to kinda bring that spark back. You don't just throw in the towel over it. Love is a decision. Its easy at first but when the honeymoon phase is over and life sets in or more roles are added it becomes difficult. You gotta do anything you can to try to make it exciting again.

BrittanieY 18 kids; South Carolina 16634 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting MissHolly:" We get dates sometimes but even then there is no lust, no desire. It's like going on a date with my friend ... [snip!] ... since I met him and it's just different now. I think the more I try to tell myself I love him the more I am lying to myself..."


That's rough :(.



With the large weight gain and mood differences, I wonder if he isn't having a health issue. Perhaps decreased testosterone or even depression? It may be time for a doctor's appointment to chat.

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2401 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting BrittanieY:" That's rough :(. With the large weight gain and mood differences, I wonder if he isn't having a health ... [snip!] ... having a health issue. Perhaps decreased testosterone or even depression? It may be time for a doctor's appointment to chat."


Agreed!

Captain Obvious 2 kids; Havana, Cuba 25634 posts
16th Apr '13

love is a choice. you have to make a choice every morning when you wake up to love your partner. of course things don't stay new and exciting, but that will fade with every single relationship you start. is that a reason to break up a family?

MissHolly 2 kids; West Sacramento, California 980 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting BrittanieY:" That's rough :(. With the large weight gain and mood differences, I wonder if he isn't having a health ... [snip!] ... having a health issue. Perhaps decreased testosterone or even depression? It may be time for a doctor's appointment to chat."

Yea he is overworked and I am under stimulated... he treats his body like crap and he doesn't care about anything. He's not the same anymore and he makes me in such a somber mood when all I really want to do is have fun, be young and enjoy life as a young mom and wife.

Mommy*Allie* 2 kids; New York 110 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting MissHolly:" We get dates sometimes but even then there is no lust, no desire. It's like going on a date with my friend ... [snip!] ... since I met him and it's just different now. I think the more I try to tell myself I love him the more I am lying to myself..."


How long have you been married?
We have had this happen before. Where the sex was just to get through and be done with it (sounds crazy now, lol) If his body weight bothers you that badly then you should try to talk with him honestly but very nicely about it. Offer to do workouts together and get back in shape for each other. If he sees it like an attack it won't go over well. But in a "lets get the US back". You have to be willing to work on it too. It can't all be him or his fault. A marriage takes two to work. And I dont fall for the "you grow old together" cause you will grow apart. Over time a person changes, you have to keep trying and falling in love with the same person all over again. Maybe there's things about you he has gotten bored of too. But if you both are working towards making the other happy then something's bound to spark up. Don't give up. Nothing worth while ever comes easy.

MissHolly 2 kids; West Sacramento, California 980 posts
16th Apr '13

Just since 2010... and the sex thing is dead on with us. I only have sex with him so that he doesn't get mad. We have sex once every week or every two weeks sometimes. I never get off, I feel he does it just to get a release. It's crazy. I recently lost a bunch of weight and everyone asks me if it bugs me that I have lost weight and my husband is gaining and I want to say no but it does. He just doesn't have the drive to do anything anymore. I feel like he is acting 50 and I am just not okay with it.

Mommy*Allie* 2 kids; New York 110 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting MissHolly:" Just since 2010... and the sex thing is dead on with us. I only have sex with him so that he doesn't ... [snip!] ... but it does. He just doesn't have the drive to do anything anymore. I feel like he is acting 50 and I am just not okay with it."


You have got to set some alone time aside to talk with him about this! That's great for you! My husband was always the more active one, and I was the one who gained and got depressed with myself, therefore with him too -I mean he looked great but I felt gross about myself. He offered to workout with me, at first I was humiliated, I didn't want him looking at my gross body while I sweat off the pounds! But then we decided to buy a couple workout programs and try them separately. He loved P90X and I loved Insantiy and Turbo Fire. He helped me find what worked for me, and now I appreciate that! and before I got pregnant again I was in the best shape I've ever been in and he was proud too. I still fee like he wants to show me off -all my confidence in us and myself is back. It's just before summer, that could be a great way to bring it up ;) and date nights, even at home after kids are in bed, are better spent doing something mutual, not just movies and un-healthy food. Explore some other sexual possibilities... we got married in 2007, been together since 2005, and there are still things we come across to try ;) and if you need a little time before that, then enjoy a game to get you both laughing and just talking again.