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BG Secrets *long* BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
16th Apr '13

First off, I love my husband. He's been my best friend since we were 13. When we were just friends I NEVER imagined that I would end up falling in love with him. It just happened one day. We were so happy and ended up formalizing our relationship - he was 19 & I was 18. everything was perfect. I've been through many hardships throughout my life, just as anyone else has. He's known them ALL. He's the one person who know everything. He was such a gentleman, everything a girl would want. He was the flowers for no reason, dance in an empty parking lot, random dates & surprises kind of guy. After a year, I ended up getting pregnant, we are now married & have our own place. perfect.



The problem is that I have an ex (X) that I have been craazzzyyyy about since I was about 14. I'm almost 21 now. We had been off & on from when we were 14 to when DH and I got together. I love him. He's not the ideal partner, though. He's a pothead, unmotivated & just sort of drifts through life. but i love him. He's sooo much fun to be around. I could talk to him for days and never get bored. every time I see him or think about him I feel butterflies. Everyone knows about us -including DH. Everyone knew how much we liked each other, how well we clicked.



DH, on the other hand, is the ideal partner. He works hard, is ambitious, has goals, doesn't like to party, smoke or drink, isn't a womanizer, is a great father.



When DH and I got together it made him uncomfortable that X and I were still friends. I would still speak to him and hang out with him behind DH's back. I never cheated. I have never ever loved someone like I love him and I don't think I ever could. He just recently spoke to my sisters and asked about me. He asked how I was doing, etc and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since. I almost feel like it would be worth splitting up with DH if I could just be friends with him again. like it all wouldn't matter as long as I could just see him.



But I have a family. I have my child to think about. and it would be extremely selfish of me to go behind my husband's back & ruin my family just for that moment. It's just so hard. I know that X loves me too. Every time we'd stop talking for whatever reason we could just pick up where we left off. I never even told him I was married or pregnant. He recently found out a few months ago. I miss him so much.



Idk I just needed to vent I guess. I have been thinking about him non stop & needed to get it out. I know I sound like a stupid teenage girl but what I feel for X is so strong.

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
16th Apr '13

Cut ties with X ASAP. You don't want to ruin your happy marriage cause of a fling with an unmotivated pothead.

jazzzzz* 2 kids; Beverly Hills, California 7558 posts
16th Apr '13

I've never been in this situation, but my cousin was in your same exact position. She chose her husband. I don't think she's as happy as she could be.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
16th Apr '13

Sounds more like lust, then love.



I wouldn't jeopardize my family for that.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19100 posts
status 16th Apr '13

I'm sorry, your last line summed it up for me. You DO sound like a love sick teenager.



I would cool it, and let time pass. You sound like you have A LOT of growing up to do.

Akeema 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Altus AFB (AFB), Oklahoma 6091 posts
16th Apr '13

You need to figure out who you love more, then go for it. If it is x fine you just need to stop hurting your SO with it and get on with your life with X or with your SO either way. STOP and figure it out and finalize it, I have been in your SO's shoes and it's like having a dagger shoved in to your chest by the person you love and watching them rotate it while looking at someone else. It is the most horrible thing I have EVER been through and would NEVER want to put someone else through that kind of pain.

user banned 21 kids; North Dakota 3800 posts
16th Apr '13

Been in this exact situation, only I was dumb enough to break up my family and go for the ex. It ended horribly...I knew ex was a horrible partner and I can't say what I was ever thinking but he sure didn't change just because I came back to him. Don't do it.

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2401 posts
16th Apr '13

He's not worth losing your family over.

.Jezebel. 1 child; Sumter, South Carolina 9398 posts
status 16th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" First off, I love my husband. He's been my best friend since we were 13. When we were just friends I ... [snip!] ... about him non stop & needed to get it out. I know I sound like a stupid teenage girl but what I feel for X is so strong. "</blockquote>



I'm not sure I understand how you can "love" someone so much but want to be with someone else. And I'm noIt trying to be mean at all. It just seems that maybe you don't love DH as much as you think if you are considering things with X.

Crystallight 2 kids; 1065 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" Sounds more like lust, then love. I wouldn't jeopardize my family for that. "


agree

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 5766 posts
16th Apr '13

It would be EXTREMELY selfish to ruin your LOs perfect home. I agree, you need to cut all and any ties you have with him. I have an ex from when I was 15, I am now 21 and I still love him... but we obviously werent ment to be together. I would NEVER leave my DH, the father of my children, to be with someone I used to love. Its crazy.

Akeema 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Altus AFB (AFB), Oklahoma 6091 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting sαяα:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" First off, I love my husband. He's been my ... [snip!] ... trying to be mean at all. It just seems that maybe you don't love DH as much as you think if you are considering things with X."


True, if you really loved your DH then you would never even think about X.

Allys_mommy 33 kids; Waterloo, New York 1194 posts
16th Apr '13

lets see unmotivated pothead verses hard working man whoo would do anything for you shouldnt be a hard decision. the x has bad news written all over him

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 67533 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting Mrs. God of Thunder:" Cut ties with X ASAP. You don't want to ruin your happy marriage cause of a fling with an unmotivated pothead."


:!:

[38 weeks!] Due May 31 (boy); 1 child; Colorado 3032 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting sαяα:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" First off, I love my husband. He's been my ... [snip!] ... trying to be mean at all. It just seems that maybe you don't love DH as much as you think if you are considering things with X."


Agreed!