Quoting pilot Jess:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" The thing is I know that I'm never going to ... [snip!] ... be better of focusing on the reality that he will not be what you REALLY want, and let go of the fantasy, which is just that."
I'm trying. It's just stupid that I can't stop feeling this way. It's not just in my mind kwim. Anytime I hear his name, or see him or anything. It's stupid & I sound stupid. I'm not as immature as I'm coming off in my post. I promise. I have a good head on my shoulders and know nothing can happen between us. It's just a vent I guess. I'd usually talk to DH about it but I don't want to hurt him or cause a strain in our relationship over something so STUPID.
Quoting ☮Sugar Magnolia:" Basically what everyone else has said. Also, you said x and you were on and off, so obviously things ... [snip!] ... so obviously things weren't as great as you remember. You're only seeing the rainbows, take a minute to remember the storms."
We never fought. our relationship was great. we were only on and off cause we were young and couldn't really maintain a relationship for whatever reason (moving, no car, different schools, etc) blahhhh
Quoting 11 weeks with #3!:" This isnt true. I love DH with all my heart yet every once in a while my ex pops into my head. Old feelings ... [snip!] ... feelings I had for him. I personally dont ever think about doing things with him now but I will always have those old memories."
There is a difference between memories and feelings. I'm talking like actively caring about someone else.
<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" I'm trying. It's just stupid that I can't stop feeling this way. It's not just in my mind kwim. Anytime ... [snip!] ... I'd usually talk to DH about it but I don't want to hurt him or cause a strain in our relationship over something so STUPID. "</blockquote>
Maybe try and put yourself in your husband's shoes. How would you feel if you heard him say that he'd almost be willing to leave you just so he could be friends with his ex? That would hurt deeply (for me at least). And if you don't feel hurt by the notion of the tables being turned, your marriage needs some serious help.
I know people like to say "I can't control my feelings", but we really can. Don't talk about him. Don't daydream about him. If you find yourself thinking about how wonderful it would be to be with him, imagine your husband being there hearing your thoughts.
<blockquote><b>Quoting 11 weeks with #3!:</b>" isnt that what Kim Kardashian says? lol"</blockquote>
Lil Wayne, lmao! It's really true though....
Quoting S U Z I E:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 11 weeks with #3!:</b>" isnt that what Kim Kardashian says? lol"</blockquote> Lil Wayne, lmao! It's really true though...."
I was watching an interview where Kim says it! lmao, maybe she stole it from him. But it really is true!
Quoting pilot Jess:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" I'm trying. It's just stupid that I can't ... [snip!] ... find yourself thinking about how wonderful it would be to be with him, imagine your husband being there hearing your thoughts."
you're right. It would really hurt me & I've thought about it & I know it would really hurt him. Being with LO really helps my thoughts. She has a happy home & I wouldn't put my selfish wants before her. I love my dh & I want to stop caring about X. I want to love dh like that, I really do.
Also, I'm not trying to pick on you, but you say that you really aren't that immature, but this notion is by definition immature. Toying with peoples lives even in a hypothetical state says a lot about your relationship. Do young marriages work out? Sure they can, if you grow together. there is a lot of growing that you will do in the next decade, and if you aren't on the same page as your husband 100%, it probably won't work.
You don't have to act on anything for damage to be done to a relationship.
I wish you the best and hope you get out of this rut which has nothing good in store.
I've been going through this for years now. My husband is an incredible hard worker & father. My x and I were together for 4 and1/2 years we were pregnant at one point and unfortunately it ended in miscarriage. Til this day I still think about him from time to time. He was my best friend, I sometimes just miss our conversations. However I would never jeopardize my relationship now . We have two kids and have been married since 09'. Honestly I think we are stuck with the illusion of how happy we were than but no relationship will ever be the same. If it ain't broke don't fix it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you not to go back to your x but do what you feel is right for yourself. Also would you bring your child around a pothead? Or could you trust someone other than your SO around your child? I ask myself these things all the time. we live in a jacked up world these days and you can't trust anyone.
You're still very young and have only been with these two men so it's no wonder you feel this way. However, you made a very "grownup" decision at a young age and need to stick with it, especially now that you have a family together. You made vows and the whole nine yards... Stick to them.
If you are having these feelings and they won't go away then you need to vent to someone. Perhaps consider seeing a therapist or even confiding in your husband. Whatever you do, don't hang out with that ex. It would be a real shitter if you left your family to be with this guy and he just continued being a piece of crap and went on to leave you (and I can almost guarantee that's what would happen as relationships born in this way almost always end in the same way).
I was in that exact same situation. I actually went to counseling over it. I finally just stopped contact with him completely. Sometimes it's still hard bc I see his fb an what not and I got super jealous recently when I saw on fb he was dating a mutual friend. I felt betrayed by the friend bc she knew how much he meant to me. It is hard. But you have to just ignore it and not let yourself sit and think about him