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What the hell does he want?? *vent* SugaBritches. TTC since Jun 2014; 2 kids; Shaw AFB, SC, United States 8270 posts
16th Apr '13

I haven't been here in a while but I really need some advice.



SO and I broke up over 2 months ago. We were together for a year in a half. (known each other for 2) We lived together, we were engaged, he's all my daughter knows as a father. And then one day he completely blind sided me and wanted to split up.



His reasoning was that he needed to be him. That he didn't feel like himself anymore because he never saw his friends anymore, etc. I was never home bc of work so he was taking care of LO. I guess he needed space? Either way, I can't remember word for word but I COMPLETELY understood. And I moved out on good terms.



Well right before we broke up we were getting a puppy.
I didn't want to tell the breeder a few days before we were suppose to be there that we were not showing up etc. We had been waiting for him for NINE months on a list. Plus, he was suppose to be my birthday present.
5plzs5.jpg
ISN'T HE PRECIOUS!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D



When we went to Asheville to get him, we got a hotel. Slept together, went to dinner, had a long talk, cried, laughed all that crap. It was like we never broke up. He said he didn't want to live his life without me but he needed to get back to himself. Ok I get it. So we agreed to still be friends etc.



Since then over the last 2 months, we've gotten a few hotels together, went to dinner AND we've been sharing joint custody of our puppy. We sleep together at least once a week.



A few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. by him. Which means I got pregnant while we went to Asheville.
He hasn't really said anything about it to me etc. I've had multiple miscarriages over the last year but so far so good with this baby sticking.



SO still says he needs time and space but yet we continue to see each other.
The other day I told him I was just convenient and it was just about sex but he got upset and said that wasn't it. We still say we love each other. He texts me good morning every day at the same time.



I told him maybe I should just fall out of his life all together and he said no he didn't want me out of his life. I asked him why and he said because thats what he wants.



I'm so confused. He doesn't want to be with me (at least right now) so what does he want?
I try to talk about getting back together eventually and he kind of ignores it.
He doesn't want to talk about us or anything else still.



It's killing me because I do want to be with him and I've had a hard time dealing with all of this emotionally.



Why text me everyday, tell me you love me, etc. if you never had any intention on getting back together?



We both agreed we were not going to see other people etc. and that if one of us did we would tell the other. I know he hasn't. I'm not worried about anything like that.



Why do guys do this? Does he really wanna be with me and he just needs his time? I'm just completely confused. We are suppose to get another hotel this weekend. Why keep shuffling our dog back and forth, etc.



I know it has nothing to do with he doesn't want to be alone and all that crap.
Just sucks waiting to find out when we are going to get back together if at all.



I enjoy the time we do have together and we both obviously still have feelings for each other.

user banned New York 15996 posts
16th Apr '13

Wow. I'd just keep it civil with him for the baby. Sounds like you're just a convenience and not a priority. He's playing with you. Maybe show him that you're gonna keep to yourself for awhile and let him realize on his own what he's missing. I just wouldn't force things.

❀Sarah❀ 2 kids; Cocking, EU, Europe 122653 posts
16th Apr '13

I'm confused too. Getting into a relationship with a single mom and being a father figure he should know he cant just peace out like that. Its not fair. I would give him an ultimatum honestly, no sleeping together, no contact unless its about the kids or the dog.



He needs to know he could really be without you before he'll take the relationship seriously or let you move on.

JΔ$ Georgia 76362 posts
16th Apr '13

It's not just him, it's you too. If you guys were suppose to remain friends then you should have. He clearly told you that he did not want to be in a relationship with you but he didn't want you to just walk out his life. Things aren't going to change just because you're pregnant.

Moses. Due October 27; 3 kids; Texas 16003 posts
16th Apr '13

He is adorable!!! The dog that is lol. Sounds like he wants you and the freedom of living the single life :? I'd honestly ditch him to the curb until he got enough "space" and would make it perfectly clear I am NOT waiting on his space time either. You are gorgeous, there'd be men lined up to take his place. Don't let him continue using you like that. You deserve more.

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
16th Apr '13

I feel like he is just stringing you along. It's almost like he just wants you when it is good for him. Screw that.

Nicole Mclovin 3 kids; Colorado 2784 posts
16th Apr '13

It sounds like he wants to keep having sex with you but dosnt want to be in a relationship with you

Chibs 2 kids; Missouri 12147 posts
16th Apr '13

Maybe he wants to be with you but not live together
Still maintain what you had without all the responsibilities of having a live in girlfriend and kid.



Which isn't right but that's what it sounds like

SugaBritches. TTC since Jun 2014; 2 kids; Shaw AFB, SC, United States 8270 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting BeginTheRomance:" I feel like he is just stringing you along. It's almost like he just wants you when it is good for him. Screw that."


Anytime I say that he gets so upset at me.

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:" It's not just him, it's you too. If you guys were suppose to remain friends then you should have. He ... [snip!] ... with you but he didn't want you to just walk out his life. Things aren't going to change just because you're pregnant."


This is true. It does take two to enable this kind of behavior.

3JEMS Due November 14; 3 kids; Danville, Illinois 569 posts
16th Apr '13

You are just easy sex for him right now. He is playing games-and that pisses me off when people in general do shit like that. You need to make it clear to him that you will be worrying about yourself, the pregnancy, and your child-just do you. Give him his space and let him know that when's he's done with his 'soul searching' and is ready to tart again on the relationship to give you a call. Until then you should cut off communication minus the pregnancy and the dog who btw is so cute I could kiss him silly!!

BeginTheRomance Due July 21 (girl); 1 child; Rochester, New York 373 posts
16th Apr '13
Quoting SugaBritches.:" Anytime I say that he gets so upset at me. "



Maybe he gets upset because he knows it is true.

CJKB+JMB=AMB 1 child; Watertown, New York 2525 posts
16th Apr '13

He actually sounds like he does care about you imo... My mom.and stepdad went through the same thing. After TEN years he woke up and said he didnt wanna be with.her anymore because he needed to figure out life for himself... They were broken up for six months but he still stayed around, we.saw him alot he claimed to.still love.my mom they didn't date anybody else... after six months he came back to my mom. Today there going on 17 years :)
I think you should tell him you are pregnant, I have a feeling he will make a decision to run or commit if he knows

Sock Lady 6 kids; 4 angel babies; Hell, ON, Canada 11734 posts
16th Apr '13

I'm so sorry sweetie. :( *hugs*



Honestly, I agree with the other ladies. It sounds like he is stringing you along, and that is not fair. You deserve better!!

Nicola. 2 kids; Huntsville, AL, United States 8139 posts
16th Apr '13

If he is getting what he wants out from you without having to fully commit he is never going to make up his mind.



Maybe he does want to be with you or maybe he doesn't. But meeting up and having dinner and sex isn't going to help your situation. If he "needs his space to be him" then you should give it to him. The time apart will either make him realize it is you he wants or it isn't. But this isn't fair to any of you in the situation, including the new baby.



If I were you, I would stop all the dinner dates and motel rooms. Give him his space and then make it clear that I was an all or nothing kind of girl. Good luck with it love.