Ok, so my ex-husband *legally still husband as our divorce is not final until June* and I seperated in October of last year. He started seeing a new girl in January and after knowing her for 2 weeks started bringing our 2 girls around her. And his custody agreement is every other weekend so he has plenty of time to see the GF without my kids there. But he doesn't listen when I speak to him rationally about how it is not him that gets hurt if they don't work, it's the girls and how I don't even know the girl and I would like to have the respect enough for her to atleast introduce herself to me before blasting my name on her facebook page and a bunch of other drama. So we have had a few blow ups over the past few months regarding the girlfriend. He also started his job back in december so I have been a bit lenient for January and February with paying child support on time to me. As of march 1 he should have been on his feet as he has minimal bills and I started demanding his support be paid on his pay days or within 48 hours of it hitting his account. He can't do that, he never fail calls me and says he doesn't have the full amount. He is usually short half of his amount and that he will give me the difference plus the other half the month *he's paid bi-weekly* in two weeks. So it screws me. We will be setting up a draft through the state in June but until then I'm at his mercy.
Well last night he tells me he found a house *he's been living with his parents* and that he is going to be moving in this weekend. HE CAN'T PAY HIS CHILD SUPPORT ON TIME HOW CAN HE AFFORD A HOUSE?!?!?!?! Oh yeah that's right, the girlfriend. They have been together for a total of almost 4 months and are now moving in together and officially playing house with my children. In our degree we are putting a stipulation that no significant other can be involved with our child in any manor for 12 months after the relationship began. So if he is moving in with her and they've only been together for 4 months he will be violating our decree and will forfeit he visitation rights. But he doesn't care, he's moving forward with it anyway.
I am so frustrated and feel so helpless, I don't want my children around this girl who I don't know, who thinks she is just playing house and having a good time. My ex is a good dad when he isn't making emotionally based irrational decisions that put the well being of our children on the back burner and with her around that's all he has been doing. He asked me to switch weekends with him this weekend so he can move and I have plans to go out of town. If it were just to screw him my answer is a big NO! but if I say no he will shove our girls off on his parents or my sister and brother in laws that all live around each other and move anyway and then take the kids back to a house in full chaos. He has a very short temper normally and under those circumstances he's going to be even more stressed and tired and do nothing but yell at the girls for being kids and "in the way". I know I have to cancel my plans and not do what I want for my girls, and that's not where I have issue. I have issue with cancelling my plans so he can do what he wants. And this isn't the first time that I have cancelled plans that I had in the works for several weeks so he can go with this girlfriend and do what he wants because my kids well being comes first to me. But at some point I want to stop giving in to him and put my foot down and say THIS IS YOUR WEEKEND! You knew for 2 weeks now you'd have the girls and now 3 days out you want to change it, and NO I WILL NOT CHANGE WITH YOU. Be an adult and grow up and wait until monday to start moving and spend time with your kids. I want to grow a back bone because I know he KNOWS I will say I will change with him because I don't want the girls shoved off on other people when they are out there to see him. Any suggestions on getting a back bone but not putting my kids in the middle...that's not really worded right...not using my kids as ammo....not dangling my kids in his face...what am I trying to say here? Hopefully you understand...
I guess I needed to vent as well sorry it's so long.
Were the custody papers signed and filed prior to the start of his relationship?
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Were the custody papers signed and filed prior to the start of his relationship?"
In our divorce petition the custody is outlined and agreed upon so yeah I guess they were. We don't have a seperate custody agreement. As for the significant other portion though, no that was not in the original documentation.
Quoting Totally in love with her:" In our divorce petition the custody is outlined and agreed upon so yeah I guess they were. We don't ... [snip!] ... have a seperate custody agreement. As for the significant other portion though, no that was not in the original documentation."
Then I don't think you can do anything about it.
If the portion about the significant other wasn't in the document he signed, his current relationship is exempt.
Tell him you refuse to switch his weekends & that if he doesn't want them on his original weekend that he's just forefitting visitation for that weekend
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Then I don't think you can do anything about it. If the portion about the significant other wasn't in the document he signed, his current relationship is exempt."
But he is required to sign the final decree which it will be in there, that won't cause the old one to be null and void and it is an update to the original "motion"?
I appreciate you saying that because as much as I don't really like hearing it, it's a very valid point I had never realized before. So thank you.
Quoting Totally in love with her:" But he is required to sign the final decree which it will be in there, that won't cause the old one ... [snip!] ... that because as much as I don't really like hearing it, it's a very valid point I had never realized before. So thank you."
Yes, but it happened prior to signing the agreement.
Signing the new agreement would mean that if this relationship ended, he would have to wait the requisite 12 months before introducing the children to a new partner.
12 months is a LONG time. Ours says 6 months, and even that is a long time.
As you have the children the majority of the time, it is going to be very difficult to cultivate a meaningful relationship only seeing each other every other weekend.
I'm sure with time you will get a back bone. Eventually you will be tired of his crap and not give in. I hope things get better for your girls sake.
Off topic but I'm in Houston tx as well. :)
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Yes, but it happened prior to signing the agreement. Signing the new agreement would mean that if ... [snip!] ... the time, it is going to be very difficult to cultivate a meaningful relationship only seeing each other every other weekend."
That is so true...and blatently obvious that I don't know why I hadn't realized that before. Thank you for stating that. Again, it's not what I want to hear and my original thought is DANG IT!...but that's because I have worked so hard in preparing our paperwork and making sure everything is worded right to keep this girl away from my kids as much as possible and I can't believe I didn't see this. You are correct in saying 12 months is a long time but that was actually his request not mine. I was originally saying 6 months and he said he preferred it be a year to make sure the relationship is stable and at 6 months it can still be pretty new and rocky. And your point about my relationship and every other weekend for a year....that SUCKS! Again, hadn't thought of that. I think I will talk with him about 6 months instead of a year for that reason. That's just a long long time and very hard on a relationship.
Quoting Totally in love with her:" That is so true...and blatently obvious that I don't know why I hadn't realized that before. Thank you ... [snip!] ... talk with him about 6 months instead of a year for that reason. That's just a long long time and very hard on a relationship."
Sounds like he is trying to control the situation.
He has his relationship already, so the only one that will be affected by this clause in the near future would be you.
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Sounds like he is trying to control the situation. He has his relationship already, so the only one that will be affected by this clause in the near future would be you."
Yes he is very manipulative and is always trying to control the situation to his best interest.
I would ask your lawyers during the drawing up of these final papers if that can include present relationships. Mind you, by June he'll have been dating her for 5 months, so it will only be two weekends approximately that she has to get lost for and then she can be around again if you are able to drop it down to 6 months. BUT I still would drop it to 6 months so that you don't have to wait a year to introduce your significant other in the future.
Since you're planning on canceling your plans to stay home with the girls anyway, I suggest what another poster said and just tell him he forfeits his weekend with them. The courts don't do "switching weekends." You see your kids during your appointed times, or you forfeit. End of.
Is he court ordered to pay you child support right now? I realize you said it's coming out of his checks in June, but is he still ordered to be paying it right now? If he is, keep records of how much he pays you and when. If he's behind, keep records of how far behind. Make sure the courts know every weekend he's canceled on the girls (because you're not switching anymore) and how far behind he is in child support.
Unfortunately, being a parent, there's not much you can do by way of your plans getting canceled at the drop of a hat. Especially since you are just one person taking care of them 90% of the time.
I wish you the best of luck.