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saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" I agree. Like, without living together, ... [snip!] ... owes it to you, OP, to give you money or an "allowance". "</blockquote> Agreed. Op, you shouldn't have quit your job."</blockquote>




I know but I just explained in one of the posts why it was the right choice to make for us

MrsRoo07 Due November 11; 17 kids; Twentynine Palms, California 381 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" You can't really call it an allowance, I wouldn't think of it like that. He's giving you money without ... [snip!] ... daycare so you can get a job and pay for your own outings since you guys don't live together. IDK, it's a weird situation IMO."</blockquote>




I agree.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
19th Apr '13
Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LEGENDARY JAS ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... your job."</blockquote> I know but I just explained in one of the posts why it was the right choice to make for us"


I don't mean this to be offensive, at all. And I've never been in your situation. But IMO, you need to, for now at least, think of what works for YOU and LO, not "you" as in you and SO, as a family unit, when right now you're not living together as a family.

saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting orchidlovingmama:</b>" I think it kinda depends in the money situation and whether or not you two can afford money for entertainment ... [snip!] ... stress on one family member to support a whole family so try not to give him a hard time and see where he's coming from as well"</blockquote>




Oh I would never give him a hard time about it lol I just think its something we probably should discuss more but thank you for all the suggestions!

saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" I agree with doing what's best for you. I just feel like if he's giving you an "allowance", he could ... [snip!] ... costs with you, so that you could be working, as well. I'd hate to live with my parents and not have a job, as a parent. "</blockquote>




Yeah I feel like that all the time. I hated having to come back home but my mom was actually the one who told me to leave my job because it wasn't benefiting me at all. It took a lot for me to leave but we all decided it was the better choice. I actually love working and having money which is why I was so set on school. My future career will set me, SO, and DD up so that we can have our own place and also benefits for all of us. It'll be hard for now but the bigger picture is so much brighter

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
19th Apr '13
Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" I agree with doing what's best for you. ... [snip!] ... we can have our own place and also benefits for all of us. It'll be hard for now but the bigger picture is so much brighter"


I think, as your mom, she would probably just encourage you to do whatever was easier, TBH.
My parents have offered to move us into their house. DH, both kids, and I. And not have us pay for anything, at all. And it's such a dumb idea, they just love us and want to see us more. But I don't know your parents, obviously.

saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" You can't really call it an allowance, I wouldn't think of it like that. He's giving you money without ... [snip!] ... daycare so you can get a job and pay for your own outings since you guys don't live together. IDK, it's a weird situation IMO."</blockquote>




It is weird. My other issue though is not having a car. When I was pregnant I got in an accident and totaled it. My tax return is going towards a car, more then likely my step dads because he wants a new one. I just have to wait until he is ready to sell if. I used that car when I would work those 4 days so its just a lot of stuff that has to get done first. I have no problem at all working and doing school but I want to be set in everything before I get a good job and then realize that I can't get there. In the meantime, I'll apply to walkable places

saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" I don't mean this to be offensive, at all. And I've never been in your situation. But IMO, you need ... [snip!] ... works for YOU and LO, not "you" as in you and SO, as a family unit, when right now you're not living together as a family. "</blockquote>




I feel like this is the best decision for me and DD because I can get such a good job when I graduate. I understand not having a job right now is going to be rough but I know I can figure it out

saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting drunk mayhem.:</b>" I think, as your mom, she would probably just encourage you to do whatever was easier, TBH. My parents ... [snip!] ... at all. And it's such a dumb idea, they just love us and want to see us more. But I don't know your parents, obviously."</blockquote>




Oh no, my mom wants me O.U.T but she knew that it wasn't possible with the situation so we discussed it for a while and she agreed with school. She has no problem with me being here until I graduate, but she definitely doesn't want me here forever lol

saageex3 1 child; New York 5789 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" Yeah I wasn't insinuating that you're lazy or anything! I just don't want you to go into this discussion ... [snip!] ... run when you do live together because obviously you had some sort of disconnect there last time? But whatever, good luck!"</blockquote>




Oh no don't worry I would never attack him over this. It's honestly not this huge deal to me but it just bothered me a bit. I texted him and said that I think we should sit down and discuss money so that we can find a happy, do-able, medium.

Ashley; Kenley's Mommy! 1 child; Wisconsin 15117 posts
19th Apr '13

We have a joint bank account. He doesn't mind what I use the money on.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3285 posts
19th Apr '13
Quoting Ivana, expecting #3!:" wow all you ladies are lucky to be able to spend money willy nilly!! lol I wish!!! "



yeah, but I also have a part time job. I make about 1/4 of what he does. Its always been our money. we try not to look at it as my money and his money....

*Lindsey* 3 kids; Alberta 8798 posts
19th Apr '13

we are married so his money is my money. I dont ask for it or what i can spend it on. I spend it on what i want and need when i want it haha. Before we were married i still just had a copy of his debit card and used it for all the groceries and whatever else we need.

JoAnna &hearts's Jett Due January 20 (boy); 1 child; Midlothian, TX, United States 6718 posts
19th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting saageex3:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting JoAnna ♥'s Jett:</b>" We both have debit cards, I spend ... [snip!] ... thought it was a big deal until I realized that when I graduate we are moving out and I don't even know what we could afford"</blockquote>




The reason why I found out all of our account stuff, was because he deployed and they were about to repo our truck because I wasn't on any of the accounts. It was hell. So now I deal with everything and he never questions my spending.

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6858 posts
20th Apr '13

In a situation where you're living separately but have a daughter together, it would be more like he should be paying child support. I think it would be kind of weird to ask some guy I'm not living with for a debit card to his bank account. Sharing money can be messy. Right now you share a daughter, but not your whole life .. you know?




If you were married and a SAHM, it's a different story. With us, we do the food shopping together because we both hate it. :) I do all of the cooking and cleaning and kid stuff (dr's appointments, day to day stuff). If i need money, I tell him what I need and why, but we both have debit cards to the same account. If i needed money for some reason, I would just take it and explain later.



Since I'm not working right now and I'm in school, money is obviously limited. Because of that, we do a lot of free kid type activities, like the park for example.