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lost and confused Constance Cotton Due June 14; Florida 23 posts
22nd Apr '13

so my significant other moved to virginia when i was 3 months pregnant due to certain issues. iwent to visit him last month and found out he had been lying to me. then we had an issue with another girl. he expects me to move up there and promises everything will work out. he has lied to me our entire relationship and i dont trust him. we barely talkand when we do we fight. i dont want to be with him if me and our son are not important enough.
here is my problem
i move there i give everything up and become a stay at home mom. no job. no money. no insurance. no security that i have here. i dont want to just coexist in the same place. if istay here i will have to find another job and lose all that anyways. if i stay with my job i will have to pay for a nanny for 12 hours at night while i work. this would in turn mean a second job and never sreing my baby. does anyone have any advice on what i should do?

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2008 posts
22nd Apr '13

I think you should raise your child in the place where you have the most guaranteed support. Be in friends, family, financial, etc. Seems moving to Virginia would get you nothing at all except a potential abusive relationship. Whats your family situation like where you are now? What do you do for work?

Constance Cotton Due June 14; Florida 23 posts
22nd Apr '13

My entire family is here and very supportive of me. They know this isn't an easy decision for me to make and they know what's been going on in the relationship but will sand by me no matter what I decide. I work for the county sheriffs office at the jail doing civilian work. My department only had 6 positions and each one is filled. I work 6 pm to 6 am on a rotating shift. As much as my family is supportive I would have no one to watch the baby while I work if I stay.

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2008 posts
22nd Apr '13

I would stay with your family. You should have enough work experience that when it is all said and done you can find a regular 9-5 job and put your little one daycare. I feel like if your SO really wants to be in your life and this baby's life then he will be the one who should move back. I wouldn't trust him at all and I certainly wouldn't give up my life for someone who seems to have shown little initiative towards you and the baby.

Constance Cotton Due June 14; Florida 23 posts
22nd Apr '13

That's the thing though he isn't moving back. Too much bad stuff here for him to really be okay. I just feel no matter what I decide its going to be the wrong decision. I can't win

Constance Cotton Due June 14; Florida 23 posts
22nd Apr '13

That's the thing though he isn't moving back. Too much bad stuff here for him to really be okay. I just feel no matter what I decide its going to be the wrong decision. I can't win on this. I stay I lose him. I go and I lose everything else. I don't want either to happen and I sure as hell don't want to break this family up.

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2008 posts
22nd Apr '13

Just because you go there doesn't mean you will keep him. I think that says a lot.

Constance Cotton Due June 14; Florida 23 posts
22nd Apr '13

I know that's a possibility but I feel that I should give my son the best chance of having a c

Constance Cotton Due June 14; Florida 23 posts
22nd Apr '13

I know that's a possibility but I feel that I should give my son the best chance of having a complete family before its broken. I feel like I owe it to my son to at least try and make it work. But at the same time I feel stupid for making this whole thing difficult when it should be so simple.

RonniG Due July 19; 1 child; Plentywood, Montana 2008 posts
22nd Apr '13

I don't think its a simple decision at all. You know what I think you should do but it would probably be harder for me to decide if it were my life. Your son doesn't need a father to have a family as it seems you have a great family where you are and they will be his family too and you should not be the only one trying to make it work.

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7213 posts
22nd Apr '13

Going there sounds like a horrible idea.. You won't have anything and he doesn't sound awesome. I don't think you'll be doing your child any favors if you do. I get that you want to keep your family together, but that situation sounds awful.

MysticWitchKat 2052 posts
22nd Apr '13
Quoting Constance Cotton:" I know that's a possibility but I feel that I should give my son the best chance of having a c"

No you don't owe that to your son at all. You owe it to your son to find someone you love, and raise him with that person. You owe it to him to be with a loving person, who shows your son what a couple that loves each other looks like. You owe it to yourself to be happy in life. Sacrifice is good if it's worth the fight. You are sacrificing for an ideal that won't exist once you are together. This guy is making no effort, and you fight all the time. Do you really think having a complete family with all that going on is healthy for your son? Contrary to popular belief a 2 parent family is a not a requirement for well raised kids. And it certainly isn't when it's dysfunctional