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**** kitermom 2 kids; Beaverton, Oregon 740 posts
22nd Apr '13

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Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15416 posts
22nd Apr '13

You can offer to help and offer to help and offer to help until you run out of breath. She won't do it until she's ready. I'd straight up tell her, that I'd always be there if she needs help getting herself together, but that I won't continue to enable her and let her use me anymore.

mommy5916 Due October 12; 5 kids; California 2877 posts
22nd Apr '13

i had to cut my mother off for some of the same reasons, and her behavior was out of control. for my own mental health i had to end contact. its been 3 years since i have seen or spoken to her, and as sad as this sounds, my life has never been calmer.

Robin Lynn +Hannah Vista, California 560 posts
22nd Apr '13

I feel you on that. DHs mom is bi-polar (DH & his little sis have it, too) & she's addicted to pain pills.
She depends on her children to keep telling her she's right & that she's the best person ever (egotistical personality) &, if they step up to her when she does something wrong, she runs to her room, screams & cries until someone comes up to comfort her. It's a weekly occurrence.
At this point, we try not to pay attention. If she starts to throw her tantrums & whatnot, we leave. I'm 34 weeks pregnant & DH & I are tired of it. We're stressed to our max & we can't take care of her, too.
Good luck.
She just needs a huge reality check. Like the other poster said, stop enabling & maybe she'll start realizing she needs to fend for herself.

kitermom 2 kids; Beaverton, Oregon 740 posts
22nd Apr '13

Thank you ladies!! It's so hard. I hate the highs and lows of our relationship but it hurts my heart to just abandon her like she hasn't done anything for me. Because she's not horrible. kwim



Anyway, here's the email she sent me last night:



I am having a very tough time pain wise.It's close to impossible to explain how hard my daily life is.It's like a propane torch is lit in my bladder.I go to the pain clinic in near by city on May 9.I am very sad,Allie.I get no responses when I wrote a e mail to Nathan or call him.It hurts more than words can express.I need you guys.So many people who have I.C.choose not to live because of the never ending pain and feeling alone.I need to feel loved because the depth of sadness has over taken me.I asked Nathan if his son was going to have a party twice.No response.Having you children is my proudest moment.But,I feel cut out of the loupe.There isn't time I can remember since I was little not hurting.I need you guy's.I love you.


And here is my drafted email back:



Mom-
E-mails like this are very disturbing and give me a heavy heart. As your child it is not my job to facilitate a relationship between you and Nathan or Damian or Gary for that matter. There is nothing I can do change him or explain who he is and why he does what he does. And in all fairness I don't think it is fair for me to agree or disagree with how he handles his own relationships. Although I will tell you that dramatic e-mails and phone calls do not encourage anyone to call back or write.
I understand that you are reaching out for help. There is a line though that I would like to create. Multiple times I have tried to help and you have said that you didn't have a problem. I understand that your depression runs deep but I cannot fix it. I don't have any answers and I don't know what to do about it. As far as any other suggestion of harming yourself I will have to call nonemergency and have a check of your well being done. This is not something I want to do or something that I think is fun. In fact I think it utterly sucks! But I do love you and hate seeing you like this.
As far as being out of the loop I haven't done that to you And once again I cannot fix how other people feel or act.