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Opinion on marriage! Help!! Zepplin's Mommy :) 1 child; Magnolia, Delaware 911 posts
22nd Apr '13

Hey ladies, im in need of some advice! You can be completely honest please feel free to say either I or DH is in the wrong or who is right about this! I will try to make this some what short and im sorry if it is hard to understand and its all mixed up!

Anyways me and DH have been not getting along the past couple days. Both of us are stressed about alot of things. He is in the navy at school and im living back home at my parents with my year old son.. Well yesterday we got over the argueing at all that, but then it started up again this morning. I fell asleep while texting DH and didnt get to say good night or i love you, he ended up getting really mad about that and told me not to text him this morning. But i felt that i needed to tell him that i was sorry i fell asleep before i could say it to him. So he keeps texting me telling me to tell DS that he loves him and all that but when i saw the messages i had already dropped DS off at daycare and was heading to work. but he kept texting me about that anyways and so i asked yeah probably shouldnt have but i did, i said if you didnt want me texting you then why do you keep texting me? the next text i got from him was "Shut up"
i ended up saying a couple not so nice words back to him and also told him not to talk to me like that.

His next text to me was him calling me a b***h and all that.. I keep repeating how he shouldnt be talking to me like that and all, we did a little more fighting and then started to what i thought was work it out.. Well then of course it went down hill again because he was saying how hes in control of everything, and my exact words to him were "you cant control me like im 2, that is not how a marriage works. we have to work as a team, agree on things together." he then goes and says that he doesnt control me but the direction of the relationship is one way or no way meaning its his way or no way and if i dont like that then i can leave.

I do not want to leave him because i do truely love him and want to be with him but i want him to let me have some say in our relationship! i have told him this and he doesnt listen, i told him that if i were to leave him there is no other girl that would put up with this and wont stay with him if hes like this. His response is he doesnt care...

So what do you guys think i should do?! im at a loss! i dont know what to do anymore, ive tried talking to him! i would be willing to do marriage counseling, i just dont know if he would since he goes back and forth on this. any advice please! TIA

tooodles 240 kids; Thailand 5075 posts
22nd Apr '13

Yep hes a controlling pyscho and I would leave. First off who gets mad if you fell asleep and didnt text him good night? Thats pathetic. And the way he was talking to you is uncalled for and immature. Him saying its his way or nothing yeah thats where I would say f**k you and leave. Its not all about him and what he wants, not even close.

user banned Due November 26; 1 child; Parkersburg, West Virginia 9548 posts
22nd Apr '13

this all seems really petty

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
22nd Apr '13

It takes 2 to make a MARRIAGE work. Sounds like what you have is not a marriage, but a dictatorship. Doesn't sound like he respects you. I would leave.

user banned 21 kids; North Dakota 3800 posts
22nd Apr '13

So to sum this up, you fell asleep texting him, he's mad about that and told you not to text him but he kept texting you so you kept texting him and you guys got into a huge fight over it? Does that not sound ridiculously immature to you?

user banned Due November 26; 1 child; Parkersburg, West Virginia 9548 posts
22nd Apr '13

not you op your husband. mine would laugh if i said the same shit

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22064 posts
22nd Apr '13

You both are in stressful situations right now. I would tell him you're not going to speak to him until he quits talking to you like that. Is he like this when he is home and you are together?

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 5098 posts
22nd Apr '13

He sounds extremely childish and controlling... Getting mad at you because you fell asleep? really? I would leave (not divorce) and let him see what its like without having you there to control. He says "he doesnt care if you leave" because you would have some sort of control if he did care. Trust me, he cares. Give him an ultimatum, if he doesnt straighten up his shit, then your gone. I would not allow my husband to treat me that way.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting :*:CHRiSTiNe:*::</b>" Yep hes a controlling pyscho and I would leave. First off who gets mad if you fell asleep and didnt text ... [snip!] ... his way or nothing yeah thats where I would say f**k you and leave. Its not all about him and what he wants, not even close."</blockquote>




This.



He sounds like an ass. It doesn't matter that you love him, it should matter that you have no self respect to let yourself stay in a toxic relationship like that. I was in a relationship like that and it was hard.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
22nd Apr '13
Quoting Blythe.:" You both are in stressful situations right now. I would tell him you're not going to speak to him until he quits talking to you like that. Is he like this when he is home and you are together? "


I was wondering and thinking the same thing. It is a stressful time for both of you right now, and I'm sure you are both saying things that you don't mean. If he is like this all the time, then that is not okay and you need to try going to counseling. If he refuses counseling, then leave. You son doesn't need to be growing up thinking that this is how he is supposed to treat women.

lolajessup Due July 25 (girl); 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44057 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting I love Kenzi:</b>" this all seems really petty"</blockquote>



This.



First of all a long distance relationship is stressful. Second texting can be so misconstrued. I think you two are better to not say anything and just actually talk on the phone when you both have a chance. I think you two can work crap out but both of you keep fueling the fire. Sometimes u hve to take the high road and just stop the crap yourself otherwise things get said that nobody can take back and the pain has already been inflicted.

Kay Peezy Due October 29 (girl); 2 kids; Maryland 2053 posts
22nd Apr '13
Quoting Zepplin's Mommy :):" Hey ladies, im in need of some advice! You can be completely honest please feel free to say either I ... [snip!] ... be willing to do marriage counseling, i just dont know if he would since he goes back and forth on this. any advice please! TIA"

That's ridiculously immature. I would not tolerate someone telling me to shut up or calling me names.

ρiηkie ρie 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Kentucky 21902 posts
22nd Apr '13

Your DH definitely shouldn't have told you it's his way or the highway. That's completely unfair to you and he is in the wrong there. That said though, it sounds to me like you're both pissed and he's saying things he doesn't mean. I can't see splitting up your marriage over being at each other's throats for a day or two. Now if this is all the time that's different. But calling it quits over one bad fight? Nah. So and I aren't married but we've been together going on 9 years now, we've had some nasty fights along the way and we've both said some pretty terrible things to each other, including telling each other to leave. But these fights are pretty rare and we get past it. We give each other space for a while and then talk it out when we're both calmed down. Relationships/marriages can't be rainbows and lollipops all the time. It seems like stress, which it sounds like you both have right now living in two separate places, brings out the worst in people. It's how you deal with the bumps in the road that matters though. I'd give him some space so he can cool off then talk to him and see if you guys can't work it out when you're both a little more levelheaded.

mamas❤ 2 kids; California 9605 posts
22nd Apr '13

I wouldn't deal with it. It all sounds so immature. If he's willing to go to counseling then I would give it a try but if he really thinks it's his way or the highway I would leave.

Zepplin's Mommy :) 1 child; Magnolia, Delaware 911 posts
22nd Apr '13

Thank you guys! i just wanted a second opinion on all this to make sure i wasnt crazy for getting mad over these things hes saying, now im not saying that he is the only one saying stuff because once he starts saying hurtful things to me then i will say stuff back to him. When we are together it is completely different we dont fight as much as we do when we are not together in completely different states. When we lived together we had are fights and he has left the house to cool down but would always come back and we would talk about it and work it out. But since he has been gone he has not been respectful like he used to. i honestly know once we are back living together things will be fine again and its just so hard when hes like this now and hes always threatening with divorce or him leaving and stuff but never follows threw with it. which f**ks with my head and all that. ill just stop texting him for a while and see how things are later tonight and if they dont get better then i guess maybe telling him things need to change or it wont be looking good for our marriage.. which i hate to say that but i cant deal with this anymore its frustrating.