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social anxiety. Brookie99 1 child; Fort McMurray, Alberta 1126 posts
22nd Apr '13

So I have always been shy but after working as a waitress I got over it. I still have a huge issue with confrontation though. If I think someone has a problem with me I am literally terrified to be around them in case they try to confront me. It has made me into an over the top people pleaser because I don't want to give anyone a reason to be mad at me or dislike me. For the most part that has worked except with some of SOs family. His grandma is seriously terrible. She is rude to me every time we go and visit her and I am terrified of going there but SO always wants me to. Every time I go there she asks when Im going back to Saskatchewan (where I lived before moving in with SO last summer) even though she knows we are living together and having a baby. Inside I want to just look at her and say "Okay, I know you don't like me, although Im not sure why since you know nothing about me, but we live together. We are having a baby together and Im not going anywhere. Oh and you can stop telling Brandon that he should send me home to take care of the baby on my own because 'he is still young and shouldnt have to deal with a baby or serious relationship' every time Im not around." But I always just look at SO and let him tell her AGAIN that we live together now. It is also causing problems for me with SOs immediate family. SOs dad isn't a bad person at all but he is always grumpy about something and yelling at someone so Im scared to be around him in case I do something wrong and make him mad. We are currently living with them so that leads to me spending most of my time avoiding him and finding things to do in our room so Im not in the way unless Im cooking supper for the family or cleaning. Im pretty sure Im like this because I was very rarely exposed to anger or yelling as a child and things in our house where never dealt with by yelling or harsh words so now it makes me extremely uncomfortable and scared even if Im not the one being yelled at.



Blah.... Idk this sort of turned into a rant, anyone else have this issue or can offer any advice? I am seeing a therapist but I have been for a while now and its not helping at all.

Always♥Faithful 2 kids; CHERRY POINT, North Carolina 21664 posts
22nd Apr '13

If you want to continue being with your SO, you need to stick up for yourself. I was the same way with my MIL for awhile. She had no regard for my feelings and dh was always stuck in the middle. Finally, I respectfully told her I don't appreciate how she treats me and if we are going to try to have a good relationship for dh and our dd, she needs to respect me and stop treating me like I'm no one. We have a decent relationship now. We text, I go there without dh so dd can visit. You need to do it for your own sanity as well. Youre not a doormat.

Brookie99 1 child; Fort McMurray, Alberta 1126 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" If you want to continue being with your SO, you need to stick up for yourself. I was the same way with ... [snip!] ... now. We text, I go there without dh so dd can visit. You need to do it for your own sanity as well. Youre not a doormat."</blockquote>




Oh I know I just wish it was that easy. I have no idea how to approach the situation with SOs dad because he is always polite to me and has never yelled at me or anything but he is always yelling at everyone else and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I just feel like its not my place at all to tell him how to deal with his relationship with his own family and that if it makes me uncomfortable I just need to deal with it.

gorgeouschaos712 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 596 posts
22nd Apr '13

I went no lie 12 years without talking to hardly anyone but my mom and brother. When I was four years old, I stopped talking to everyone but family. When I was eight if it wasn't my mom or brother, I wasn't talking at all. By the time I was ten or eleven, I slowly started talking to close friends of mine, and when I was sixteen, when I met my soon to be ex dh, I started talking to everyone again.



I will still never understand it, but apparently it was selective mutism. It made it extremely difficult in school especially when teachers wouldn't look over my files and see that I really wasn't going to talk.



To this day, I am still really shy for the most part unless I really know you, or there is an issue with one of my kids. I hate being around confrontation as well and try my hardest to avoid it. Hence the reason I tried so long to keep my marriage together when I wasn't happy. After so long of putting up with the bullshit, you will speak up and put them in their place. And if that doesn't work I would seriously just avoid the people. If they can't respect that you are with SO now than why waste your time?

Always♥Faithful 2 kids; CHERRY POINT, North Carolina 21664 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brookie99:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" If you want to continue being with ... [snip!] ... him how to deal with his relationship with his own family and that if it makes me uncomfortable I just need to deal with it."</blockquote>




No family is perfect and it's hard being the "outsider." It can definitely be an uncomfortable feeling. Are you guys saving to move out before the baby is born? It won't be so easy to keep an LO cooped up in the bedroom.

Brookie99 1 child; Fort McMurray, Alberta 1126 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Brookie99:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" ... [snip!] ... feeling. Are you guys saving to move out before the baby is born? It won't be so easy to keep an LO cooped up in the bedroom."</blockquote>




We will be moving out in a few months. We lived here for a while last summer and then moved out but the apartment we where living in was in a terrible area and we always had parties going on in the units around us and when we found dirty needles in the laundry room that was the last straw and we moved back in with his parents to be in a safer environment for the baby. We are just waiting it out until SO gets his pay raise in august so we can move into a better area.

Always♥Faithful 2 kids; CHERRY POINT, North Carolina 21664 posts
22nd Apr '13
Quoting Brookie99:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... environment for the baby. We are just waiting it out until SO gets his pay raise in august so we can move into a better area."

That sounds like a good idea. No point in living where you are uncomfortable. I wish y'all the best, and I hope eventually your relationship with his family gets better. Don't take crap from grandma, girl. Stand your ground. <3

Brookie99 1 child; Fort McMurray, Alberta 1126 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" That sounds like a good idea. No point in living where you are uncomfortable. I wish y'all the best, ... [snip!] ... I hope eventually your relationship with his family gets better. Don't take crap from grandma, girl. Stand your ground. <3"</blockquote>



Thank you I really appreciate it :)

Brookie99 1 child; Fort McMurray, Alberta 1126 posts
22nd Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:</b>" I went no lie 12 years without talking to hardly anyone but my mom and brother. When I was four years ... [snip!] ... doesn't work I would seriously just avoid the people. If they can't respect that you are with SO now than why waste your time?"</blockquote>




I totally know what you mean. I keep thinking back to the times I let people walk all over me and I regret it but no matter how hard I try I just can't stick up for myself. I had a "friend" steal a large amount of cash from my purse recently and where a normal person would confront her I just acted like I didn't even know because I didn't want to cause an issue. I still think about texting her and telling her I knew what she did and didn't want her to invite herself over or text me any more but I just put it off. Then I stay up at night thinking about what I would say if I had the courage to.

gorgeouschaos712 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 596 posts
22nd Apr '13
Quoting Brookie99:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sierra-n-Brantley:</b>" I went no lie 12 years without talking ... [snip!] ... or text me any more but I just put it off. Then I stay up at night thinking about what I would say if I had the courage to."


I can assure you once your LO arrives it won't be so difficult anymore. Their well being is so much more meaningful than worrying about conflict.