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Things to consider before TTC mamalikescupcakes 2 kids; United Kingdom 544 posts
25th Apr '13

So me and OH have had many discussions about us, our future, marriage, babies etc. We have been together 2 years and I have 2 children, whereas he has none. He is 26 and I am about to turn 23. I work as a screening technician using ultrasounds, but it is only part time, he works full time and is in the navy. I have had a lot of trouble with birth control and after suffering with weeks of heavy/painful bleeding (with clots :() at a time, I eventually had my arm implant out after 2 1/2 years and went on the birth control pill. I was still experiencing severe period pain which upon stopping B/C has vanished! Note: this is something I have been suffering with for almost 3 1/2 years so despite knowing there is a risk of pregnancy we have been using the withdrawal method (not throughout the entire cycle). After talking to him today and raising the subject of what i should do with B/C as I dont like being unprotected, I kind of got the impression he wanted to try for a baby, which he confirmed. I'm in a real dilemma with how I feel about this. The idea of having a baby an giving birth is amazing, I was a student midwife before so this is something I romanticise over frequently. And newborns, aren't they so lovely to hold! But reality hits and having three will be tough, those sleepless nights again, money etc. I get caught up in the moment daydreaming about a baby and I kinda guess I need to talk through this with someone as I have to rationalise my feelings against reality. Urrgghhhh! Damn biology making me crave babies!

I'm me 4 kids; Kentucky 3109 posts
25th Apr '13

for me the switch from 2-3(or in my case 4)kids was easier than the adjustment from 1-2 lol

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
25th Apr '13

I wouldn't TTC with anyone who I want married/engaged to. Why are they willing to commit 18 years to you but not their life?

*And baby makes 4!* Due May 4; 1 child; Ohio 3772 posts
25th Apr '13

Im watching because DH and i are thinking about it too

mamalikescupcakes 2 kids; United Kingdom 544 posts
25th Apr '13

Well this is another issue I have discussed, his view is that you can just as easily split up in a marriage as you can as a couple and marriage shouldn't be seen as a security blanket (people get divorced everyday). However I do believe he has intentions of proposing after deployment.

ElleBelle (31 weeks) Due September 22; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Rio Rancho, NM, United States 21392 posts
status 25th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I wouldn't TTC with anyone who I want married/engaged to. Why are they willing to commit 18 years to you but not their life?"</blockquote>




I've never thought of it like that! Love this

mamalikescupcakes 2 kids; United Kingdom 544 posts
25th Apr '13

To be honest I don't even think these days you can really say a marriage is a life commitment. The percentage of those who do committ to each other for life is so slim. I agree that for me it would probably make me feel like a 'stronger' couple and it is definitely something we want, however he would prefer to put money towards a baby than a wedding first. I think in his eyes he already has 'me', knows we will end up married, so for him, he would prefer to make babies.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
25th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting mamalikescupcakes:</b>" Well this is another issue I have discussed, his view is that you can just as easily split up in a marriage ... [snip!] ... as a security blanket (people get divorced everyday). However I do believe he has intentions of proposing after deployment."</blockquote>




It's a lot easier to break up than get a divorce. But it's the symbolism and active choice of commitment that comes with being married, that makes it different. He should hold himself above "people getting divorced every day"

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
25th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting mamalikescupcakes:</b>" To be honest I don't even think these days you can really say a marriage is a life commitment. The percentage ... [snip!] ... first. I think in his eyes he already has 'me', knows we will end up married, so for him, he would prefer to make babies."</blockquote>




This seems to warped.



It sounds to me like you're dying for a type of commitment from him, and since he's anti marriage, you're clinging to having his baby as a way to hook him.

I'm me 4 kids; Kentucky 3109 posts
27th Apr '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting mamalikescupcakes:</b>" To be honest I don't even think these ... [snip!] ... dying for a type of commitment from him, and since he's anti marriage, you're clinging to having his baby as a way to hook him."


You could do like some ppl and have a court house wedding for less than $100 and then renew your vows with a big wedding when you can afford it.