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Things to consider before TTC mamalikescupcakes 2 kids; United Kingdom 544 posts
25th Apr '13

So me and OH have had many discussions about us, our future, marriage, babies etc. We have been together 2 years and I have 2 children, whereas he has none. He is 26 and I am about to turn 23. I work as a screening technician using ultrasounds, but it is only part time, he works full time and is in the navy. I have had a lot of trouble with birth control and after suffering with weeks of heavy/painful bleeding (with clots :() at a time, I eventually had my arm implant out after 2 1/2 years and went on the birth control pill. I was still experiencing severe period pain which upon stopping B/C has vanished! Note: this is something I have been suffering with for almost 3 1/2 years so despite knowing there is a risk of pregnancy we have been using the withdrawal method (not throughout the entire cycle). After talking to him today and raising the subject of what i should do with B/C as I dont like being unprotected, I kind of got the impression he wanted to try for a baby, which he confirmed. I'm in a real dilemma with how I feel about this. The idea of having a baby an giving birth is amazing, I was a student midwife before so this is something I romanticise over frequently. And newborns, aren't they so lovely to hold! But reality hits and having three will be tough, those sleepless nights again, money etc. I get caught up in the moment daydreaming about a baby and I kinda guess I need to talk through this with someone as I have to rationalise my feelings against reality. Urrgghhhh! Damn biology making me crave babies!

I'm me 4 kids; Kentucky 3109 posts
25th Apr '13

for me the switch from 2-3(or in my case 4)kids was easier than the adjustment from 1-2 lol

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
25th Apr '13

I wouldn't TTC with anyone who I want married/engaged to. Why are they willing to commit 18 years to you but not their life?

*And baby makes 4!* Due May 4; 1 child; Ohio 3772 posts
25th Apr '13

Im watching because DH and i are thinking about it too

mamalikescupcakes 2 kids; United Kingdom 544 posts
25th Apr '13

Well this is another issue I have discussed, his view is that you can just as easily split up in a marriage as you can as a couple and marriage shouldn't be seen as a security blanket (people get divorced everyday). However I do believe he has intentions of proposing after deployment.

Elle&Cole 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Rio Rancho, NM, United States 25025 posts
status 25th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I wouldn't TTC with anyone who I want married/engaged to. Why are they willing to commit 18 years to you but not their life?"</blockquote>




I've never thought of it like that! Love this

mamalikescupcakes 2 kids; United Kingdom 544 posts
25th Apr '13

To be honest I don't even think these days you can really say a marriage is a life commitment. The percentage of those who do committ to each other for life is so slim. I agree that for me it would probably make me feel like a 'stronger' couple and it is definitely something we want, however he would prefer to put money towards a baby than a wedding first. I think in his eyes he already has 'me', knows we will end up married, so for him, he would prefer to make babies.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
25th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting mamalikescupcakes:</b>" Well this is another issue I have discussed, his view is that you can just as easily split up in a marriage ... [snip!] ... as a security blanket (people get divorced everyday). However I do believe he has intentions of proposing after deployment."</blockquote>




It's a lot easier to break up than get a divorce. But it's the symbolism and active choice of commitment that comes with being married, that makes it different. He should hold himself above "people getting divorced every day"

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
25th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting mamalikescupcakes:</b>" To be honest I don't even think these days you can really say a marriage is a life commitment. The percentage ... [snip!] ... first. I think in his eyes he already has 'me', knows we will end up married, so for him, he would prefer to make babies."</blockquote>




This seems to warped.



It sounds to me like you're dying for a type of commitment from him, and since he's anti marriage, you're clinging to having his baby as a way to hook him.

I'm me 4 kids; Kentucky 3109 posts
27th Apr '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting mamalikescupcakes:</b>" To be honest I don't even think these ... [snip!] ... dying for a type of commitment from him, and since he's anti marriage, you're clinging to having his baby as a way to hook him."


You could do like some ppl and have a court house wedding for less than $100 and then renew your vows with a big wedding when you can afford it.