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ODD in children? Help. HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13

Does anyone have a child who has been diagnosed with ODD? (oppositional defiance disorder). My daughter is 7. She has never been an easy baby/toddler/child. She fits an extreme amount of symptoms. She is always angry, she is always mean, she always has a temper, etc. Here are the ones that stand out the most. I took her a year or so ago to the pedi, who set her up with a therapist who said she had symptoms, was too young etc. It's gotten worse. At first I thought it had to do with the divorce, but it's been going on for 3 years.



  • Often losing temper: all the time, every day. Even if it is petty/small she will freak out.
  • Often arguing with adults: ONLY me and her grandparents & my fiance. At school she is perfect to her teacher. She is the class clown and acts out and is very hyper but gets great grades etc.
  • Often actively defying or refusing to comply with adults
Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
26th Apr '13

I do not have experience with my own child but at my school, we have three Emotionally Handicapped rooms and there are numerous students in them that have been diagnosed with ODD. Because of their inability to handle the regular classroom and exhibit violent behaviors, they are in a self contained classroom.



I don't believe your child is destined to fail nor do I believe that about any child. They just have to learn things that come "naturally" to most people. In the EH classrooms, they focus a lot on social skills, personal responsibility, how to control your temper, etc. Have you thought of this as an option for her?

Akeema 18 kids; Altus AFB (AFB), Oklahoma 5979 posts
26th Apr '13

Whoa, I think you're the one who need to see a theropist. I know it's hard having a kid who doesn't listen but to feel you don't even love her because she's difficult. That's messed up and I hope to God you never let her hear you say that and that you delete this after you get replies. She needs help not your resentment and anger. I'm sorry you're going through this but she is going through it too and you need to be more understanding and maybe try spending one on one time with her. Work with her on her moods, it maybe that she's bipolar or something and just can't control how she feels or acts. As someone with mental disorders and had a mother who told her that she never loved her it is just wrong of you to think the way you are. You need to change your approach, just as much as she needs to learn to control her anger.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Akeema:" Whoa, I think you're the one who need to see a theropist. I know it's hard having a kid who doesn't listen ... [snip!] ... of you to think the way you are. You need to change your approach, just as much as she needs to learn to control her anger."


It isn't as easy as a child that doesn't listen. A child with ODD can be extremely difficult and it does make you feel like a failure - hence the anger/disappointment she has. It is a disability like any other and it comes with a set of frustrations that only she has to deal with right now. I have witnessed these kids in action and honestly, as a parent, it would make me feel awful too.

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" I do not have experience with my own child but at my school, we have three Emotionally Handicapped rooms ... [snip!] ... lot on social skills, personal responsibility, how to control your temper, etc. Have you thought of this as an option for her?"


She does fine in school. The school refuses to move her because she has the highest testing scores in almost the entire 1st grade in school and does exceptionally well in class. She is reading at a 4th grade level, scored higher than 88% of her classmates in her Ohio Testing, She has done therapy but it was for my divorce, not this issue. She did well with that. I signed her up for the child anger management the child health place offers, but wont know when she can go until they call because of a wait.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting HappinessInMisery:" She does fine in school. The school refuses to move her because she has the highest testing scores in ... [snip!] ... for the child anger management the child health place offers, but wont know when she can go until they call because of a wait. "


If she doesn't exhibit these types of behaviors in school, I would question whether or not she was truly ODD. A true ODD child will not accept any authority figures - including teachers.



I would have to question whether the consistency at school helps her in relation to inconsistencies at home. I am not saying you aren't consistent but its something to think about.

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Akeema:" Whoa, I think you're the one who need to see a theropist. I know it's hard having a kid who doesn't listen ... [snip!] ... of you to think the way you are. You need to change your approach, just as much as she needs to learn to control her anger."


I'm not even in the mood to be polite, so honestly eat shit and f**k off. You aren't in my house, living with her. Days are hell. I can't function like this. It affects how I parent and treat my other children. She is terrible. Day in and day out. If it was as simple as her not listening I wouldn't be here. I have two well adjusted, polite, rule abiding, nice, sweet children, she is the only one with an issue. I've tried every approach. I've read, I've done everything in my power and honestly if it were up to me I'd send her out for a month or so in a treatment center so we can all get our shit together. She is affecting every aspect in our home and not in a good way. So on that note, you can walk away if you have nothing to contribute.

saageex3 1 child; New York 5777 posts
26th Apr '13

I laughed at the cheese part but that aside, i wish I had some sort of information to give you. This is my first time hearing of ODD. I do think maybe you should see a therapist just so that you don't lose your mind. I think you absolutely love your daughter but just don't LIKE her, and I feel like that is normal seeing how difficult she has been. It doesn't mean you don't care or you love your other children more but that they are just more simple and happier. Of course no one wants to deal with someone with a bad attitude no matter what age or reasoning behind it. It's human nature to get annoyed but don't give up on her! It's not yours or her fault so don't beat yourself up. I'm sure she doesn't want to act out like this so just remember that

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" It isn't as easy as a child that doesn't listen. A child with ODD can be extremely difficult and it ... [snip!] ... has to deal with right now. I have witnessed these kids in action and honestly, as a parent, it would make me feel awful too."

I feel like shit on a daily basis. My three year old just cried herself to sleep because my 7 year old was throwing another fit in her bed, waking up my 6 year old and I can't be three places at once. My fiancee was getting my 6 year old back in bed, calm because she was upset, I was dealing with my 7 year old and my baby cried herself to sleep....this is the shit I deal with on an hourly basis. Nothing can be fun, or memorable, or worth it. I try. I can't keep trying. I am a failure at something and I can't fix it. I've tried one on one with her, dates, more attention, less attention, rewards, punishments, taking things away, groundings, spankings, constant praise, killing her with kindness. NOTHING. WORKS. and I'm at my breaking point.

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting saageex3:" I laughed at the cheese part but that aside, i wish I had some sort of information to give you. This ... [snip!] ... It's not yours or her fault so don't beat yourself up. I'm sure she doesn't want to act out like this so just remember that"

Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I am tired of hearing it is me, that I NEED control, that I NEED help, that this is a result of MY parenting. I can't do anything else. I do think I love her, I just feel total detachment from her at this point. I feel constantly disappointed in her. I feel like I missed out on her entire childhood and can never go back, because there are no fun tea parties, or birthday parties, or lunches out or manicures or playing dolls because everything turns into a fight, or arguement or her being angry. I feel like quitting.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting HappinessInMisery:" I feel like shit on a daily basis. My three year old just cried herself to sleep because my 7 year old ... [snip!] ... things away, groundings, spankings, constant praise, killing her with kindness. NOTHING. WORKS. and I'm at my breaking point. "


I understand.
I know you have tried everything but you need a consistent plan of attack at thsi point. I don't know what that is but brainstorming with her counselors, teachers, etc. could be really beneficial.



We have one kid who has to be immediately responded to in order to keep good behavior going. I don't mean in two minutes, I mean like RIGHTTHISVERYSECOND. And if he isn't? He immediately reverts to hitting things. It took along time for his team to realize it but now, as long as they praise/reward/mark him for his good behavior immediately, he does alright. Its crazy the difference that a damn hand stamp smiley has on this 5 year old. When he gets 10 hand stamps, he gets a prize. But for it to work, he has to get it RIGHT THAT SECOND. Its exhausting but it works - for him. Each child is different.

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" If she doesn't exhibit these types of behaviors in school, I would question whether or not she was truly ... [snip!] ... helps her in relation to inconsistencies at home. I am not saying you aren't consistent but its something to think about."


I have no idea. We did a very consistant schedule at home for months and nothing changed. She is a class clown, but she's only in first grade. All they do is read fun books, play outside, and do paper mache. She is good in school and very smart. She gets in trouble for talking too much but zero issues as far as behavior goes, which of course makes me feel even shittier because she's bad at home so the finger automatically gets pointed to me.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57831 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting HappinessInMisery:" I have no idea. We did a very consistant schedule at home for months and nothing changed. She is a class ... [snip!] ... goes, which of course makes me feel even shittier because she's bad at home so the finger automatically gets pointed to me. "


Can you go in one day and sit with her at school? Just watch. Find out what is different. There has to be something...even something minor...that causes her to not lash out there.

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" I understand. I know you have tried everything but you need a consistent plan of attack at thsi point. ... [snip!] ... prize. But for it to work, he has to get it RIGHT THAT SECOND. Its exhausting but it works - for him. Each child is different."

I filled out paperwork today for emergency treatment at child focus, who has a behavioral center for children. For her anger issues and counseling both individual and family because her actions aren't just affecting her, or me it's everyone under this roof.

HappinessInMisery 3 kids; Ohio 30396 posts
26th Apr '13
Quoting Emily Dickinson:" Can you go in one day and sit with her at school? Just watch. Find out what is different. There has to be something...even something minor...that causes her to not lash out there."


I can def. ask. I had a conference with her teacher just to talk to her, she said she is fine. They aren't super structured. They have mat time, which she loves because she knows all the answers. She likes to answer and get attention for being correct. Outside she's fine. She got in trouble Monday for tying her shoes together in the bathroom. But it wasn't a huge fit.