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How? nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
28th Apr '13

Do you and DH/SO avoid fights? I'm trying to communicate better but we keep miscommunicating about tiny things and it blows up way more than necessary. I just don't know why?! We used to be great, never ever fought, and lately I can't win. I think it's me but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
28th Apr '13

Once we had kids and since we both work, we have A LOT of time apart. When a fight starts up..we usually dont have time to scrap it out and the time apart makes one or both of us calm down and get over it.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
28th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:</b>" Once we had kids and since we both work, we have A LOT of time apart. When a fight starts up..we usually ... [snip!] ... starts up..we usually dont have time to scrap it out and the time apart makes one or both of us calm down and get over it. "</blockquote>




Makes sense, I stay home ALL day and he works 4 days a week at 530 so he's home at 2. I just got a job yesterday so ill be working now I hope that helps. Thank you!

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
28th Apr '13

I find that when DH and I are bickering a lot, there is a bigger root issue going on. Like, one of us doesn't feel appreciated, we're tired, or we're not being intimate with each other enough. I try to get to the bottom of the real issues and we talk them out. It definitely helps. Fighting -the right way- is bennificial. We don't avoid progressive fighting. It's important.

Lisa Lyon Due December 3 (boy); 3 kids; Nashville, Tennessee 455 posts
28th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:</b>" I find that when DH and I are bickering a lot, there is a bigger root issue going on. Like, one of us ... [snip!] ... them out. It definitely helps. Fighting -the right way- is bennificial. We don't avoid progressive fighting. It's important."</blockquote>




This!
But unfortunately sometimes for me anyway the bigger root becomes a bigger argument.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
28th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:</b>" I find that when DH and I are bickering a lot, there is a bigger root issue going on. Like, one of us ... [snip!] ... them out. It definitely helps. Fighting -the right way- is bennificial. We don't avoid progressive fighting. It's important."</blockquote>




I feel like it's about the same things. What kind of questions will lead to the root?

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
28th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Grinch:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:</b>" I find that when DH and I are ... [snip!] ... It's important."</blockquote> I feel like it's about the same things. What kind of questions will lead to the root?"</blockquote>




Well it seems like you guys have a hard time communicating. I would sit down with him with an open mind and simply be like, "Honey, why do you think it is that we can't seem to understand each other?" Is there a reason that you two could be missing the mark there? Not listening, too overwhelmed with every day details, tired? Talk about ways to simplify your conversations so that it's not so hard to pick up on things. Like, when I need something done, I HAVE to ask politely. I used to be really bad about expecting DH to just know what I need, and then nagging him if he wasn't reading my mind. Lol. And it's not just me... DH does the same from time to time.

Tasha & Nika Due December 22 (boy); 1 child; San Jose, CA, United States 16027 posts
28th Apr '13
Quoting Mrs. Grinch:" Do you and DH/SO avoid fights? I'm trying to communicate better but we keep miscommunicating about tiny ... [snip!] ... why?! We used to be great, never ever fought, and lately I can't win. I think it's me but I don't know what I'm doing wrong."



I don't let things build up, and we have a rule about not raising our voices at each other, and having conversations only when we're both sober, not tired and are both willing to be receptive of the 'talk'.



Sometimes I get drunk and work myself up for no reason :lol: which is when we agree to talk the next day and I realize that I should have just taken a deep breath and talked about my feelings sooner (usually it's me being afraid we're not on the same page about something, such as the country we want to live in, TTC, etc)



Oh and we also make an effort not to bring in past disagreements into a current discussion

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
28th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Grinch:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and ... [snip!] ... I need, and then nagging him if he wasn't reading my mind. Lol. And it's not just me... DH does the same from time to time."</blockquote>




Ya it's everything, we are always worried if we will have enough money, I'm exhausted and he gets to sleep all night no interruptions. And then I'm supposed to cook and clean also? Like not even 5 minutes after I do floors or something he f**ks it up. And I let little things build and build and build.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
28th Apr '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Tasha & Nika:</b>" I don't let things build up, and we have a rule about not raising our voices at each other, and having ... [snip!] ... we want to live in, TTC, etc) Oh and we also make an effort not to bring in past disagreements into a current discussion"</blockquote>




Ya I'm doing everything I shouldn't. f**k.

Tasha & Nika Due December 22 (boy); 1 child; San Jose, CA, United States 16027 posts
28th Apr '13
Quoting Mrs. Grinch:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Tasha & Nika:</b>" I don't let things build up, and we have ... [snip!] ... not to bring in past disagreements into a current discussion"</blockquote> Ya I'm doing everything I shouldn't. f**k."


It's hard sometimes - don't be so hard on yourself!



If you need to vent before you have a talk with him, just so you are 'calm', you can always come here, or start a blog. I have one, and in difficult times I used it a lot - I'd get emails from women who had been in similar situations or could relate and they'd tell me about their feelings or how they dealt wit hit etc, it helped!