Reply
So Confused My Girls♥ 2 kids; Virginia 660 posts
29th Apr '13

Okay so long story short, I have been in an on and off relationship with my ex-fiancee since Sept of last year. We were together from May 2009 to Sept 2012 consistently. He cheated twice, for a while I was paying all of the bills for a large portion of our relationship, he ignored our kids a lot of the time but would brag to his friends (and still does might I add) about what a good father and boyfriend he was. We moved away from our home and crashed and burned in the other city because he didn't work for 5 months and I couldn't pay for four people alone. Fast forward to now, I am back where my mom lives. I live on my own, and all of my bills are paid. I struggle a little bit, but nothing like I was. He wants to try again and move back in with myself and the kids. I feel like I should try for the kids, but I don't know if I love him anymore. Some days I do, some days I don't. I just don't know what to do. The kids want him to move back in, but honestly I don't think I do. I only want him here on days that I am lonely. He is preaching about everything that has changed, but I don't know how true that is. He is still asking me for money because he is short on some bills which I know happens sometimes, but it is like a flashback. He doesn't ever come to get the girls so I know that if he doesn't come back they will rarely see him. He still talks about how much he loves them and takes care of them. I don't get help financially or physically. I won't push child support because that would lead to a custody order which would lead to me not having them every birthday and Christmas. I just dont know what to do. I'm at a loss. Advice?

GetItGirl 2 kids; Virginia 1651 posts
29th Apr '13

I have a custody order and get to see my son every birthday and christmas, we just split them. I say stay away...been there done that..i tried and tried for my sons sake w/his dad and now i realize how much time and energy i wasted when things always got worse.

Serenity's Mommy13 Due July 28 (girl); Milan, Illinois 4 posts
29th Apr '13

Follow your heart. If your heart and mind are saying two different things then think it through longer. I know you want to try for your kids but would you also want to take the chance of your kids' heart being broken again if their mom and dad broke up again? Not to mention the heartbreak you will be going through.

The Pretender 2 kids; Brazil 1215 posts
29th Apr '13

DON'T DO IT! Sounds like he is just wanting to sponge.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
29th Apr '13

In that whole thing, you didn't say one good thing about him. Not a single one.



Having kids together does not mean that you belong together. Not only that, but staying together only for your children is just terrible. Seeing mommy and daddy miserable together is so much worse than seeing them happy separately.

Serenity's Mommy13 Due July 28 (girl); Milan, Illinois 4 posts
29th Apr '13

Follow your heart. If your heart and mind are saying two different things then think it through longer. I know you want to try for your kids but would you also want to take the chance of your kids' heart being broken again if their mom and dad broke up again? Not to mention the heartbreak you will be going through.

Nae&Zoe's Mommy 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Red Deer, Alberta 643 posts
29th Apr '13

As much as you want your kids to have their father around it needs to be on your terms. If your not going to be happy if he comes back and he's not back for the right reasons I say its a NO GO. You cant put yourself through that again, and it sounds to me that he's just a big baby who needs to mooch of you again. A father doesnt choose his times when he wants to step up and be one.. From what you said he sounds like a dbag.. He needs to prove himself to you and your children before he would be allowed in my house.. But you sound like you already know that you dont want him back around. Trust yourself hun.

My Girls♥ 2 kids; Virginia 660 posts
29th Apr '13

I know that I love him and I know that the kids need him. I do want him back and I don't want him back. He makes changed some days but other days the bad comes out. Honestly, I just want him to come back and be who he says he is but I can't know that without him here. It's just such a hard decision.