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SO not wanting another baby yet Mandiiieee {31 wks} Due April 11 (boy); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Chesapeake, Virginia 425 posts
29th Apr '13

I recently had a miscarriage in January. I originally wanted to try again immediately, but then decided to wait till late summer to start. My husband wasn't exactly ready for that pregnancy but was fine with it once it happened. I have a 3 year old and took out my bc in July. As of right now we are using condoms. Okay, back story aside, I am really anxious to get pregnant again and SO just isn't having it. I can't stand to wait until the end of summer, everyday I think about it and everyday that goes by feels like months. We have argued about it a couple times, but he just won't budge on the issue. Anyone ever dealt with this? His concerns are very legit and I understand them completely, but I just feel like I've waited long enough and been patient and I'm ready. His concerns are mainly financially, which is understandable but at the same time not because we are doing perfectly fine. He also wants me to get in better shape before I get pregnant again so that I won't have as much to lose after. Totally understandable as well and OF COURSE I would want that too but he has no idea how hard it is for me. I have tried and tried and tried and he's seen me put in my all and still struggle, and if I have to wait until I lose 50 lbs or so then I'll probably be waiting well over a year or longer before that ever happens. I don't feel like I am too bad anyway, I am 200 lbs, bad yes but I am not super unhealthy. Anyway, just wondering if any of you have had this argument with your SO and how you coped with it or how long it took for him to finally agree? I am so sad seeing friends be pregnant or have babies, my SIL just found out she is pregnant with her 3rd, and I would have been close to 30 weeks right now if I hadn't lost my baby. I'm so sad about it!

A&J. ♥ 1 child; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 5613 posts
29th Apr '13

1. I am so sorry for your loss. And hope when the time is right you have a healthy pregnancy



2. It's hard, but he has just as much of a say as you do. And honestly, it seems like his concerns are because he cares and loves you. Give it time even though you're anxious for another baby. When you're BOTH ready it will make the pregnancy all the more sweet and enjoyable

Buckeye Due August 13; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Mt Gilead, Ohio 882 posts
29th Apr '13

I understand what you are going through. We have decided we are going to have a fourth, but DH has a different time line then me. I would love to try right now and he wants to wait till November or December. He has very good reason, but i am just ready.

Mandiiieee {31 wks} Due April 11 (boy); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Chesapeake, Virginia 425 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting A&J. ♥:" 1. I am so sorry for your loss. And hope when the time is right you have a healthy pregnancy 2. It's ... [snip!] ... even though you're anxious for another baby. When you're BOTH ready it will make the pregnancy all the more sweet and enjoyable"


Damn you, you make it sound so much better. lol. I know I can't make him give me another baby, and it sucks. I am KINDA fine waiting till August/September to start trying, but I think I am scared that when that time comes he will want to push it back again and I don't want that. I guess there's really no use being depressed about it because there's not much I can do. I just wish he would truly understand MY reasons for wanting it. I also don't want my son to be too much older than their siblings, because I know how that is. PLUS my son continues to talk about how there's a baby in my belly everytime he sees a picture of a sonogram, even though we have already explained to him more than once that the baby is no longer there. It just adds to it. :/

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
29th Apr '13

I don't think you should force it on him, or keep pestering him about it. I'd rather go longer than I want WITHOUT another kid, than force him into a child that he just isn't ready for yet.



I think you SHOULD take the time to work on yourself, especially if you're at that weight. It'd be healthier for both you and the baby. And maybe he wants to be able to build up more savings. I feel like you both have an equal say, but it'd just be worse on him to have to cave and have a kid he doesn't want yet, than for you to have to wait, for perfectly logical reasons.

Mandiiieee {31 wks} Due April 11 (boy); 1 child; 1 angel baby; Chesapeake, Virginia 425 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting drunk mayhem.:" I don't think you should force it on him, or keep pestering him about it. I'd rather go longer than I ... [snip!] ... worse on him to have to cave and have a kid he doesn't want yet, than for you to have to wait, for perfectly logical reasons."


No, I totally agree. I don't pester about it hardly ever, I've really only brought it up once in the last 2 months or so. I just feel like he's giving me mixed signals. We talked about not buying condoms anymore the other day because we were out, he didn't seem to care. I talked about how ready I am and he never said no not yet or anything. And then later that night he was so entirely against it which confused me. I just don't want him to play with my head and make me think it's okay when it's not.