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My child is driving me crazy (long) Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
29th Apr '13

DD is 3.5 (4 in november) The past few days her behavior has just become unbearable my husband and I are both at a loss. She is throwing tantrums over the smallest things and they are lasting for hours. This has been our day so far. I am having horrible stomach issues so my husband is working from home so I can get a little extra rest.
8:30 wake up she peed the bed. ok not a huge deal accidents happen. She threw a tantrum over having to take a quick bath to wash off all the pee.
10:00 She said she didnt want to watch the show on tv anymore, my husband asked her what she wanted to watch instead she started screaming. He reminded her to use her words and that we dont scream or she would go to time out. She kicked her sister instead. (Sister is 15 months)
DH puts her in timeout where she continues to scream (as loud as she can) she gets ignored, finally she starts to calm down does her 3 minutes, DH goes to talk to her screaming and kicking again, I get up come down stairs she has peed on the floor while in time out. This continues for another 20 minutes.
Then we clean the floor im cuddling the baby she comes over to cuddle i put my arm out she snuggles in, sister snuggles in closer tantrum starts again.
Finally dawns on us she must be jealous of her sister. My husband sits down and tries to talk to her about her behavior and using her words instead of throwing fits. He gets her dressed and they go out to get lunch and run a few errands just the two of them. She had 4 fits in the car/store in the hour they were gone. They get home (sister is down for a nap) tantrum at lunch over we still dont know. She was just sitting in her chair then started screaming and throwing things everywhere. Then she had yet another accident.



We do time out
We talk to her and try to encourage her to express her feelings in the right way. I tell her its ok to be mad,sad,angry but that hitting and screaming is not ok.
I take away everything she throws
We ignore the tantrums
Reward good behavior with praise and privileges.
We tried spanking but there was no change to behavior and she started spanking her sister when she took her toy.
We have community toys that have to be shared or no one gets the toy
Then they each have their own special toys that they dont have to share.



My husband is the cool calm collected one and even he is close to snapping today. Im just at a loss of what to do. Her mood changes at the flip of a switch she just went from screaming and yelling to picking up her lunch which she threw on the floor and is now sitting at the table eating nicely. She is supposed to start preschool in june but im scared that if her behavior doesnt improve I wont be able to send her. She has to be potty trained and while they expect accidents 3 within 2 hours isnt going to cut it. What am I missing? How do I help her through this without loosing my mind?

user banned California 36390 posts
29th Apr '13

I am in the same boat. I even thought about having DH call into,work

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
29th Apr '13

that seems to be very extreme behavior issues & no preschool will tolerate it. Try talking w/her dr and see what they suggest.....there is always the possibilty that an underlying medical issue could be at the root of her outburst. (diabetes, thyroid issues, adrenal gland , etc...) can all cause mood swings/ outburst. If jealousy is the culprit than mabe some behavior therapy is in order.

Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" that seems to be very extreme behavior issues & no preschool will tolerate it. Try talking w/her ... [snip!] ... gland , etc...) can all cause mood swings/ outburst. If jealousy is the culprit than mabe some behavior therapy is in order."

Its just so weird. She is fine in public and at playdates. Its at home. Its only gotten this bad over the past few days and today has been the worst. Her doctor just says normal 3 year old behavior and unless it become a pattern of extreme they dont consider it a problem.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" Its just so weird. She is fine in public and at playdates. Its at home. Its only gotten this bad over ... [snip!] ... Her doctor just says normal 3 year old behavior and unless it become a pattern of extreme they dont consider it a problem."


does anyone in your family have adhd?

Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" does anyone in your family have adhd?"

Not that im aware of.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" Not that im aware of. "


look up the symptoms and see if anything strikes a never.....of all my children the only 2 that had severe outbursts have adhd & pervasive developement disorders (that affect socail skills & sensory issues) .....their symptoms became more prominent between 3-5yrs old.

Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" look up the symptoms and see if anything strikes a never.....of all my children the only 2 that had ... [snip!] ... disorders (that affect socail skills & sensory issues) .....their symptoms became more prominent between 3-5yrs old."

She isnt showing any signs other than the outbursts. Now that her sister is sleeping and DH and I have both calmed down she is super happy and playing with my hair. Dh and I have been talking and as hard as it is to admit I think we havent been treating the kids equally. While the baby is a baby all my oldest sees is she doesnt get in trouble and her needs are met much quicker. I never say to the baby when hungry or thirsty wait a minute but i am guilty of making my toddler wait for a snack or a drink refill. I talked to her after she calmed down about her behavior and that it made me sad and upset. She said she was sad this morning but now she is happy. DH and I are going to make more of a conscious effort to keep things more fair between the kids and make sure Savannah is feeling special and not ignored or forgotten. If things dont start to improve I will def. make her an appointment and take her in to be evaluated.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
29th Apr '13

try making her a specail big sister snack box(granola bars, trail mix, fruit snacks,raisins , juice boxes & mini water bottles). Thats what we did for our toddlers/preschoolers whenever a new baby arrived. We told them that big sisters needed lots of fuel for their body. They felt specail that they could choose and reach it themselves & also learned to make healthy choices w/o having to wait or get frustrated.
Btw, we'd only but 2 choices of snack per day & 1 water, 1 juice. They learned quickly to spread their snacks out cause once the box was empty it didnt get refilled till the next day.

Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" try making her a specail big sister snack box(granola bars, trail mix, fruit snacks,raisins , juice boxes ... [snip!] ... 1 juice. They learned quickly to spread their snacks out cause once the box was empty it didnt get refilled till the next day."

She has her own snacks although im not 100% sure how this pertains to my question. Im not having any food issues with her.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" She has her own snacks although im not 100% sure how this pertains to my question. Im not having any food issues with her. "

I realize its not a food issue you are dealing with but you happened to
mention her mabe feeling neglected because the baby never has to wait for a snack or drink.... but you need to tell her to wait sometimes if you are taking care of baby.

Jennybananna 2 kids; Gilbert, AZ, United States 25079 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" I realize its not a food issue you are dealing with but you happened to mention her mabe feeling neglected ... [snip!] ... the baby never has to wait for a snack or drink.... but you need to tell her to wait sometimes if you are taking care of baby."

Its not because im caring for the baby its just me being a lazy mom and telling her to wait. She can get her own drinks from the fridge and reach her own snacks but sometimes she just wants help and doesnt want to get it herself. It happens when im the middle of a thread or a show. Its just something I need to work on.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
29th Apr '13
Quoting Jennybananna:" Its not because im caring for the baby its just me being a lazy mom and telling her to wait. She can ... [snip!] ... and doesnt want to get it herself. It happens when im the middle of a thread or a show. Its just something I need to work on."


okay, i thought it was when u were caring for the baby.