You both still need transition time. Your child is probably confused because of the unstable environment. It's natural to pick up some bad habits as coping techniques. I understand being frustrated, especially since you've gotten used to having the option to let your child go to the grandparents house when things get tough. But if you're serious about going back to parenting full time, then not only do you have to work on yourself, you have to look out for the child too. Grandparents tend to spoil kids (I know my inlaws would give DD anything her heart desired) so they probably let them do whatever to keep them happy. Annoying probably, but at least they were kind enough to help. But now your child is confused about the rules and who's the boss. I would try to work out each problem slowly to make the transition as smooth as possible. You've mentioned a lot about how you're struggling, but nothing about how your child must be feeling. It may be easier for you to look past the bad habits if you think about what they are going through. Stability and routine equals safety to them.