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How do I tell my MIL... Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13

My parents are extremely involved. We are a close family. They come here, we go see them a couple times a month. My in laws, we see when we're in town. They rarely come see us.
When Noah was born the big boys went to stay with my parents for a few days..their first overnights without us were the week before when we had a "practice" run.
Now every time I talk to my MIL she wants the boys to stay overnight at her house and I just don't feel comfortable about it!
My FIL is an alcoholic, my BIL lives with them and is odd (not a crime but I feel weird around him, he doesn't make the best choices) there are weapons hanging on walls as decoration (my 4 yo is extremely interested in swords and I worry he'll try to get one and get hurt), plus my 4 yo has been waking up in the middle of the night for the day! At my parents house my mom cosleeps with them in a kid proof, locked room and she gets up with C when he gets up.
I'm just scared that he will get up and sneak around the house and get hurt, or that my FIL will do something stupid and get him hurt or my BIL will do something..I still don't know about that guy. But I can't say any of that to my MIL!
So what can I say to her that will end the conversation nicely without her getting too upset?

Akeema 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Altus AFB (AFB), Oklahoma 6091 posts
2nd May '13

I would just really be honest with her. Tell her how you really feel!

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting Akeema:" I would just really be honest with her. Tell her how you really feel!"


Well that would solve my problem of having to visit her ever again, lol.

applelove 1 child; auburn, CA, United States 6529 posts
2nd May '13

I so understand how you feel. We had to go stay with my inlaws for christmas and it is the same for us. They are not as close with us and the baby as my side. We asked for them to please baby proof.



OMG the hose was so SO dangerous. I mean they have multiple fireplaces that would have fires going with no gates. It was awful. Someone had to always be holding the baby because he could get hurt on the hundreds of nick knacks they had.... sorry guess I am reliving how much I hated it.



Anyway I think you need to have your husband tell them that you don't think the kids are old enough for an over night with them. That you guys don't mind bringing them for a visit but not an over night until they are older. If they say but the kids stayed with her parents, then your husband can say. That was a special occasion, we were having a baby and needed to stay away for the night..

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3232 posts
status 2nd May '13

I would just be honest and discuss my concerns.

She is their grandma too, why cant she have them for an over night?

If you and her are on good terms, then why not be open with her?

also, maybe the reason they don't come and visit is because she doesn't want to over step boundaries?

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3232 posts
status 2nd May '13
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" Well that would solve my problem of having to visit her ever again, lol."



In all honesty, you are the kind of woman I am afraid my son would be involved with.

When my kids get older and have kids, there wife is going to be the gate keeper for me to see my grandkids.

Why don't you visit her?

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting thats me. :):" I would just be honest and discuss my concerns. She is their grandma too, why cant she have them for ... [snip!] ... not be open with her? also, maybe the reason they don't come and visit is because she doesn't want to over step boundaries?"


She is their grandma too, why cant she have them for an over night?
Well I just outlined a bunch of reasons in my OP, bottom line I don't feel like I can trust them. I trust my MIL just fine, it's my FIL and BIL. Plus the house being dangerous.



If you and her are on good terms, then why not be open with her?
She has an explosive temper. We are on good terms but I have made her furious several times. She gets mad and misinterprets what I say and puts words in my mouth.



also, maybe the reason they don't come and visit is because sdoesn't want to over step boundaries?
We invite them, they just don't come. Which is fine, she just can't expect our relationship to be the same as our relationship with my parents.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting applelove:" I so understand how you feel. We had to go stay with my inlaws for christmas and it is the same for us. ... [snip!] ... parents, then your husband can say. That was a special occasion, we were having a baby and needed to stay away for the night.."


Yesss the knick knacks...
She has 15 cats (in her house) and hundreds of small cat statutes.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting thats me. :):" In all honesty, you are the kind of woman I am afraid my son would be involved with. When my kids ... [snip!] ... kids get older and have kids, there wife is going to be the gate keeper for me to see my grandkids. Why don't you visit her?"


They're crazy people! Lol



They live in the same town as my parents and we see them just as much as my parents when we are in town. Difference is that my parents also come see us.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3232 posts
status 2nd May '13
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" They're crazy people! Lol They live in the same town as my parents and we see them just as much as my parents when we are in town. Difference is that my parents also come see us."



Sorry, my teeth are hurting, and I feel like I came across a little rude.

anyways....about your MIL having an explosive temper and putting words in your mouth, that's a tough one. Maybe you could get your husband to talk to his mom.

Like a one on one sort of thing, and maybe he could say something like, I would love for you to take C for an over night, but he sometimes wakes at 4am and I am worried that he would try and get the swords that are hanging and hurt himself.


also, maybe could you do something like he spends an afternoon with your MIL...without you and your husband there....

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13

Also I have to add that I call her every week, she never calls me and dh never calls her. I try more than anyone.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting thats me. :):" Sorry, my teeth are hurting, and I feel like I came across a little rude. anyways....about your ... [snip!] ... also, maybe could you do something like he spends an afternoon with your MIL...without you and your husband there...."


Its ok, wisdom teeth?




And that's a good idea to have dh talk to her, maybe that'll help.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3232 posts
status 2nd May '13
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" Its ok, wisdom teeth? And that's a good idea to have dh talk to her, maybe that'll help."


no, I had a back tooth removed. and its having a hard time healing!!

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26868 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting thats me. :):" no, I had a back tooth removed. and its having a hard time healing!!"


Ouch, I had that happen about 3 years ago..make sure you're cleaning it good. My dentist didn't teach me how to clean/care for it (I was so desperate to have it removed I went to a shady place to have it done).

ρiηkie ρie 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Kentucky 21902 posts
2nd May '13
Quoting thats me. :):" I would just be honest and discuss my concerns. She is their grandma too, why cant she have them for ... [snip!] ... not be open with her? also, maybe the reason they don't come and visit is because she doesn't want to over step boundaries?"

I don't blame OP, I flatly refuse to let my girls stay with my in laws, even for a visit. I do not trust them. So much so that I would let my alcoholic uncle watch my kids before I'd ever let them. I have my reasons and it's not just because I despise them either. These are her kids, if she doesn't feel comfortable with her in laws keeping them, tough titty for the in laws.



OP, I just say no when my MIL asks and say I don't feel comfortable with them staying somewhere that far away from home. (They live about an hour's drive from us.) It's not a lie, I don't feel comfortable with it and it keeps down the drama.