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Advice greatly needed user banned
3rd May '13

My Dad told me a few weeks ago that my brother Robin is coming to visit in May.



My brother molested me when I was five and six years old, and my sister (2 years my junior) when she was three or four. My sister does not really remember but has recently admitted to having flashbacks of the situation, and she came to my parents and I very confused and seeking clarification. I didn't even tell my parents about it until about 4 years ago...



Anyways. My brother was very disturbed and had been raised solely by his mother before he came to live with us for those 2 years when he was 11. His mother had a variety of extreme psych issues including schizophrenia which my bro actually also received a childhood diagnosis of having. His BM would do things like give him playboys at that age since she knew he was masturbating. There were so many things that led to him being so disturbed. Unfortunately, my Dad, in love with his child and happy to see him home disregarded most evidence of his troubles, and did not keep a close enough eye on my brother who in turn molested my sister and me.



So he's coming to visit. My Dad has requested that I come see him at least for a few hours. I haven't seen him since all of this happened.



****Do I go? I have forgiven him, not to his face. But this has haunted me my entire life. Will I be able to deal w seeing him again? How should I act towards him? Do I discuss what impact he had on my life w him and cry it out, or do I act like it never happened?****



Serena- please be respectful and stay out of this one. I'm open to communication w you via BG, but not this thread, K?

GavinsMomJohnnysWife 2 kids; Texas 2789 posts
3rd May '13

I wouldn't be able to go if it were me.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
3rd May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting GavinsMomJohnnysWife:</b>" I wouldn't be able to go if it were me."</blockquote>



!!!!

katxo 18 kids; Florida 7270 posts
3rd May '13

Do not go. Why do you need to go? Your dad should have never even asked you in the first place. I'd be upset.

mommy2thing1&thing2 Due November 11; 2 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 3064 posts
3rd May '13

i dont think i would go. just because your dad wants a relationship with him dosent mean he should expect the same from you. good luck mama

Clk 2 kids; Dexter, Michigan 11558 posts
3rd May '13

Only go if you need to for closure.

misanthrope 2 kids; Ramona, California 15430 posts
3rd May '13

I wouldn't go. I'm surprised that your father would even ask such a thing.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15204 posts
status 3rd May '13

No. You stay far away and keep your child far away. Your parents are dicks for even mentioning it to you like you should hang out with him.

~chel~ Due June 2; 1 child; Kentucky 134 posts
3rd May '13

I would do what is best for you! If you feel you need to see him for closure, or need to talk/cry it out then go for it. But I would NOT be guilt tripped into it. You were the one that was taken advantage of, and should not be made to feel bad for whatever you decide. If you think it will help you, do it. If its going to hurt you even more than you already were then I would not go, and not feel bad about not seeing him.

HotMom21ERF Due December 17; 1 child; Kentucky 19589 posts
3rd May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" No. You stay far away and keep your child far away. Your parents are dicks for even mentioning it to you like you should hang out with him."

this.

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
3rd May '13

I am surprised that everyone says stay away. I am interested in closure for sure, but if my Dad had not asked, I probably would have simply skipped town while my brother was here.



I still feel lost about what to do. I believe I will see him, because he is my brother, and I think it would also help w closure for my Dad who has felt terrible since I told him what happened. He has apologized and I have forgiven him (my Dad) but I think it would help him very much to see me there and know that I have also forgiven my brother, his son who he loves endlessly in spite of his past and present troubles.



Clearly my bro was old enough to know better, but this is one of the situations where his upbringing did so much damage to him that he was at that point severely deranged and had to be hospitalized.



After he left our home and the hospital (his second time on there long term) he never returned to his mother and was actually raised by his step father who only had a son. He has had drug problems throughout his adult years, but being removed from his mothers home I'm certain must have had a positive effect on him.



In a way if like to hear him apologize.



Just a simple "I'm sorry" and then for him to never mention it again. And I would simply nod, and he'd know I forgave him.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15204 posts
status 3rd May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" I am surprised that everyone says stay away. I am interested in closure for sure, but if my Dad had ... [snip!] ... Just a simple "I'm sorry" and then for him to never mention it again. And I would simply nod, and he'd know I forgave him."</blockquote>




You're setting yourself up for disappointment.

user banned Des Moines, Iowa 1848 posts
3rd May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" I am surprised that everyone says stay away. ... [snip!] ... And I would simply nod, and he'd know I forgave him."</blockquote> You're setting yourself up for disappointment."</blockquote>




Perhaps.



Ugh

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15204 posts
status 3rd May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Safka9973:</b>" ... [snip!] ... I forgave him."</blockquote> You're setting yourself up for disappointment."</blockquote> Perhaps. Ugh"</blockquote>



You're going to go there and everyone's going to play happy family and pretend nothing ever happened. And it's going to reopen every wound you have.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
3rd May '13
Quoting Safka9973:" My Dad told me a few weeks ago that my brother Robin is coming to visit in May. My brother molested ... [snip!] ... Serena- please be respectful and stay out of this one. I'm open to communication w you via BG, but not this thread, K?"



I'd say your best bet is to face him, face what happened, and that might give you and everyone peace that you could be lacking, if you feel that way. Just let it all out, and who knows, he might even bring it up himself and apologize. Just be open and don't take anything personal.