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No. Just, no... Juggernog-aholic 4 kids; 2 angel babies; P, AR, United States 20227 posts
4th May '13

I don't want to be "polite". I don't want to be nice or act like everything is going to be okay. I don't want to think positive. I don't want to "trust my body" or some shit.



I want to sit here and scream and cry. I want to get myself prepared for all the bad stuff that could happen.



I would do anything to change this. To be stronger and not let it effect me so much, but that's not going to happen. I haven't felt this low in a long time and there's nothing anyone can do. I try so hard to just ignore my thoughts, to think positive and to just go on waiting and seeing. I just can't do it today.



I can't handle any more bleeding and cramps. I know there is nothing the doctors can do right now, but I can't just sit here and wait to start gushing blood even more. It just seems to get worse and worse each day, not better. I'm not strong enough for this or the possibilities of what's to come.



So today, I'm not doing it. I'm not hiding how I feel or think and I'm not going to stay positive. I'm going to sit here, and cry. I'm going to do what I need to today, for me and actually not give a shit what people think. That way I can go back to my hiding tomorrow for my birthday.



I'm not expecting any replies to this, I just needed it out.

courtney ♡ 2 kids; Washington 16705 posts
4th May '13

I am so sorry you are going through all this.
lots and lots of hugs for you <3

Rebekah Garden x3 Due October 5 (boy); 33 kids; Fall River, Massachusetts 5223 posts
4th May '13

:( maybe its not the worst! And good luck and sorry your going through all this!

Juggernog-aholic 4 kids; 2 angel babies; P, AR, United States 20227 posts
4th May '13
Quoting courtney ♥:" I am so sorry you are going through all this. lots and lots of hugs for you <3"


<3

courtney ♡ 2 kids; Washington 16705 posts
4th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Juggernog-aholic:</b>" <3"</blockquote>




I know thinking positive is hard right now, but think about that sweet little face waiting to meet you <3
You can do it!

tee.air.rah 1 child; California 1184 posts
4th May '13

:( I'm so sorry that this has been so hard. I'm still praying <3

Cαtwomαn 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Gotham, DC, United States 13426 posts
status 4th May '13

Love you <3

Juggernog-aholic 4 kids; 2 angel babies; P, AR, United States 20227 posts
4th May '13
Quoting courtney ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Juggernog-aholic:</b>" <3"</blockquote> I know ... [snip!] ... I know thinking positive is hard right now, but think about that sweet little face waiting to meet you <3 You can do it!"


I normally do. I just can't today. I haven't gotten to really react to any of this. I've listened to the doctors, I've talked a little to DH, and I've cried, but not like I need to.



I'm the kind of person to prepare myself for the worst. I have to. That way if it happens, it's not as much of a shock. And then if it doesn't happen, it makes it even better. I haven't been able to do anything I need to with all of this. I just need to sit and dwell and wallow a bit.

courtney ♡ 2 kids; Washington 16705 posts
4th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Juggernog-aholic:</b>" I normally do. I just can't today. I haven't gotten to really react to any of this. I've listened to ... [snip!] ... it even better. I haven't been able to do anything I need to with all of this. I just need to sit and dwell and wallow a bit."</blockquote>




I wish there was something we could do to help you feel better.
Sometimes a good cry will help. xo

Ivana, VBA2C success! 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 6834 posts
4th May '13

I don't know your story, but I am so sorry you have to go through this, I hope it all works out.

tee.air.rah 1 child; California 1184 posts
4th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Juggernog-aholic:</b>" I normally do. I just can't today. I haven't gotten to really react to any of this. I've listened to ... [snip!] ... it even better. I haven't been able to do anything I need to with all of this. I just need to sit and dwell and wallow a bit."</blockquote>




This is exactly how I am. I totally understand where you're coming from.

Goal_Digger 1 child; Charlotte, NC, United States 41196 posts
4th May '13

I am sorry you're going through a hard time. I am always here for you <3