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Custody Question!! Please help Karis Brown Due June 26 (girl); North Charleston, South Carolina 33 posts
5th May '13

I recently pressed charges agains- & now have a restraint order on my ex-boyfriend/baby's father. He now has a domestic violence charge, and I'm due end of June, and he lawfully can't see me or his child until December 3rd.



He will definitely want rights, and every child deserves to know their father no matter what, but I want to have control of when/where/who she goes with. So how will I go about doing this?



what would happen if I just put that the father was unknown on the birth certificate?



Sorry for this Jerry Springer like drama, I can't believe i got myself into this mess. But I'm so excited to be a mommy to my princess :)



Thanks so much in advance for the advise!

tatesmommy09 2 kids; Illinois 4003 posts
5th May '13

You dont have to put him on the BC. You can absolutely leave it blank.



Then, as long as you dont pursue child support, he will have to file to get any type of custody.



If I were you I would just not try for child support and hope that he doesnt file for custody.



If he does file then you will have to go through mediation and court and all that jazz and then a judge will make a final decision on custody arrangements.



Maybe after the RO is lifted if you decide ge is fit to see gis child you can just meet up with him somewhere and let him visit with his child while you are there. But if it were me, I would just hope he never pirsues custody and just be the best mom I can be!

Karis Brown Due June 26 (girl); North Charleston, South Carolina 33 posts
5th May '13
Quoting tatesmommy09:" You dont have to put him on the BC. You can absolutely leave it blank. Then, as long as you dont pursue ... [snip!] ... his child while you are there. But if it were me, I would just hope he never pirsues custody and just be the best mom I can be!"


That's what I was thinking. & tell him if he tries to get rights, then Ill come after him for child support, but if he just leaves it alone, and is happy with getting to see her and everything, I won't need his money.



Should I file for custody when the baby gets here?

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
5th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" That's what I was thinking. & tell him if he tries to get rights, then Ill come after him for child ... [snip!] ... is happy with getting to see her and everything, I won't need his money. Should I file for custody when the baby gets here? "</blockquote>



No dont do that. That is a horrible idea. All he has to do is prove he is the father and if there is no custody order in place he has just as much rights as you do. So if he wanted to take her and not bring her back he could. As soon as she is born go to court and file for custod and child support.

SaucyPoppet Due July 10 (girl); 1 child; Colorado Springs, Colorado 1172 posts
5th May '13

If you are the only parent on the birth certificate there is no custody, you are the only guardian, period. Unless he tries to take you to court over it, or you try to get him for child support. If that happens then you will need to try to get custody and seeing as it sounds like he has a history of violence, your chances are good to be main custodian

Karis Brown Due June 26 (girl); North Charleston, South Carolina 33 posts
5th May '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" That's what I was thinking. & tell him ... [snip!] ... wanted to take her and not bring her back he could. As soon as she is born go to court and file for custod and child support."

So I should file for custody even if his name is not on the Birth certificate?

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
5th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" So I should file for custody even if his name is not on the Birth certificate?"</blockquote>



Yes because all it takes is for him to take a DNA test or even just say he's the father and you would have to fight in court to get her back. Not saying that he would take her but you never know. it won't be hard for you to get full custody assuming that the DV happened while you were pregnant.

Karis Brown Due June 26 (girl); North Charleston, South Carolina 33 posts
5th May '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" So I should file for custody even if his name ... [snip!] ... her but you never know. it won't be hard for you to get full custody assuming that the DV happened while you were pregnant."

Ok, thankyou! & Yes, it happened Monday, & he also has 2 DUI's and a few DUS's and another pending felony charge that is possibly going to be dropped. There's probably not too much hope for him getting much custody, right?

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
5th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" Ok, thankyou! & Yes, it happened Monday, & he also has 2 DUI's and a few DUS's and another pending ... [snip!] ... felony charge that is possibly going to be dropped. There's probably not too much hope for him getting much custody, right?"</blockquote>



Nope the DV on you being pregnant is enough for a judge to grant supervised visitation.

Karis Brown Due June 26 (girl); North Charleston, South Carolina 33 posts
5th May '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" Ok, thankyou! & Yes, it happened Monday, ... [snip!] ... custody, right?"</blockquote> Nope the DV on you being pregnant is enough for a judge to grant supervised visitation."

Ok, thankyou so much! That's a load off my shoulders.

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
5th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Karis Brown:</b>" Ok, thankyou so much! That's a load off my shoulders."</blockquote>



No problem. Make sure when you do go to court you have all the police reports and order of protection. Document everything save txt messages emails or anything he sends you that is threatening.

user banned Due November 26; 1 child; Parkersburg, West Virginia 9548 posts
5th May '13

i would file first not wait and hope he goes away. you will get burned if you do that

Karis Brown Due June 26 (girl); North Charleston, South Carolina 33 posts
5th May '13
Quoting I love Kenzi:" i would file first not wait and hope he goes away. you will get burned if you do that"


so you're saying do file for custody right away?

user banned Due November 26; 1 child; Parkersburg, West Virginia 9548 posts
5th May '13
Quoting Karis Brown:" so you're saying do file for custody right away?"


i dont like to wait around for the world to drop. id rather do custody and child support now while all the records of his abuse are fresh. if he decided to come after the kid a couple years later it may be harder to prove everything. id rather set up the visitation now and know what to expect. thats me though

tatesmommy09 2 kids; Illinois 4003 posts
5th May '13

Unless you are married, a father has no rights to his child until he goes to court and establishes paternity. If he is not on the birth certificate you can require him to take a DNA test which he has to pay for. Therefore he will most likely not try to pursue custody seeing that he has to pay for the court costs and for the dna. My BIL is curretly in this situation. My neices mom can take my neice anytime she wants because he still has not established paternity.