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Confidence. LayLu 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
6th May '13

Since I've gotten pregnant, I have no confidence! I've always had low self esteem, but these past few months it's just gotten worse. On top of that, SO never wants to have sex and I keep blaming myself. He's always had a really low sex drive, recently it's gotten worse (he thinks something's wrong with his prostate and is setting up an appointment soon), but I just keep thinking, "If he doesn't want it, obviously it's because I don't look good enough or act sexy enough." I hate doing this to myself and I don't know what to do to make myself feel better.



Also.. last night SO and I had sex and I got mine, but he didn't get his (this is the first time this has ever happened). I was on top and after my O, my legs got shaky and went kinda numb. I asked him if he got one, he said no, so I figured he'd get on top and finish off.. but he didn't. He just said, "It's fine baby, I enjoyed it" and got dressed. He's never done that before.. normally he gets one before me, and if he doesn't he keeps going until he does. So after that, of course I'm thinking, "Well I must not have done something right." Ugh, how can I stop blaming myself? I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. SO tells me I'm pretty and tells me he loves me, but when I try talking to him about it it just seems like he never says the right things to make me feel better. I hate that I so badly want his approval and reassurance. I just want to feel good about myself.. :?

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7164 posts
6th May '13

I had the same exact issues during my last pregnancy. My SO always to,d me I was beautiful and sexy but I just wasn't feeling it, especially near the end of my pregnancy. We stopped having sex about halfway through the pregnancy and I was so upset. He told me he was just worried about hurting the baby, even though the doctor said he wouldn't. So maybe your SO has the same fear? It seems to be pretty common. Now our son is almost 8 months and SO is chasing me down trying to have another one lol. He said that the sex was actually amazing when I was pregnant so next time he's probably going to be hounding me daily. I guess this just being his first child, he was paranoid.

LayLu 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
6th May '13

I know he's not afraid of hurting the baby, we had sex during my last pregnancy just fine. And I think part of the problem is that he doesn't tell me I'm sexy.. when I tell him I have no confidence and that I don't feel sexy anymore, he's just like, "Baby, it's not you, it's me, I'm just never horny" and leaves it at that. Every once in a while it'd be nice to hear, "Baby you're beautiful, you're sexy, stop being so hard on yourself." I mean he'll randomly look at me and be like, "You're cute" or "You're pretty" but.. I dunno, it's just not the same.



Like I know he loves me, it's not that I think he's gonna go off and find a hotter girl to get it from.. but there's a difference between him loving me and him wanting me. I just wish it could be like it used to be.. where he actually wanted me and actually acted like he was the least bit attracted to me sexually. I keep thinking about how back in the day he'd start kissing me and touching me and just making me feel good about myself.. and now it's like I'm just the baby momma he's living with that he sometimes has sex with.

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7164 posts
6th May '13

Yeah :( I know what you mean. We've had our times when I felt like the nanny or something not his girlfriend. Has he started a different job or anything like that changed recently? I know when my SO was working midnight shift 6-7 days a week he was all screwed up from sleeping during the day and being up all night. He was not in the mood for anything let alone sex. I think guys go through that sometimes. He gets real dramatic when he's stressed out.

LayLu 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
6th May '13

He's been working more overtime lately but the lack of sex has been going on for longer than that. Ugh. I don't know.. I'm hoping once I get my body back maybe he'll start to show more interest. I've talked to him about it here and there but I haven't actually sat down with him and laid it all out and let him know just how much it bothers me.. I don't want to talk too much about it and just annoy him, you know? But at the same time I want him to know just how much it bothers me. Sometimes I just tell myself to keep my mouth shut and see how it all goes after I'm not huge and pregnant.



I mean I can deal with not having sex all the time.. but I at least want him to act like he's attracted to me. All aspects of our relationship are great except for this one thing.. :?

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7164 posts
6th May '13

I would sit him down and talk to him. Maybe he's just oblivious to the fact that you're so concerned about it. My SO could see me crying and still think I'm not that upset about something lol he's not very sharp when it comes to how I feel I have to spell it out for him.

LayLu 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
6th May '13

Same here, if I start crying about something he just thinks I'm being overly emotional, he doesn't realize I'm genuinely upset about something. :roll: I guess that's one of the perks of being a woman.. no one takes us seriously when we start crying. :lol: But really.. when I do talk to him about stuff, half the time I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other. Like he listens to me, he hears what I'm saying.. but for some reason he never remembers. I dunno, I'll see if I can work up the courage to talk to him about it tonight..

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7164 posts
6th May '13

I hear ya, men are so oblivious sometimes it's ridiculous. I hope you guys get a chance to talk about it and he gives you some feedback to make you feel better! Oh and btw you're due on my birthday, yay!!

LayLu 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
6th May '13

I hope so too.. and thank you! Hahah, and that's awesome! She'll be here before then though.. I'm a diabetic so they want her out by 39 weeks so it'll be closer to June 8th when she gets here.. I should probably change my due date lol. :P

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7164 posts
6th May '13

Lol well good luck! I share my birthday with enough people anyways :P