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Ladies who have been through deployments Carter&Olivia-Kate's Mama 2 kids; Fort Hood, Texas 5453 posts
6th May '13

Those of you that have been through your spouse being deployed how did you deal with it? What are some things you did to pass time? This will be my first deployment and ill have a 3 year old and be pregnant.. Things you did with kids so they didnt feel like their daddy just left them? He's 3 what do I tell him? Advice on the day I have to say goodbye on what to and not to do? Any advice helps! TIA:)

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
6th May '13

My best advice is to understand that most of your concerns will not be concerns.



You'll be able to communicate.



You'll have hard days.



You'll have good days.



And I doubt your child will feel abandoned.



Have him put his voice in a build a bear and record a bed time story before he leaves.

Carter&Olivia-Kate's Mama 2 kids; Fort Hood, Texas 5453 posts
6th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" My best advice is to understand that most of your concerns will not be concerns. You'll be able to ... [snip!] ... doubt your child will feel abandoned. Have him put his voice in a build a bear and record a bed time story before he leaves."</blockquote>




That's a great idea thank you!! And thanks for addressing my concerns:)

linsα Lake Hylia, HY, Czech Republic 30557 posts
status 6th May '13

SKYPE! If you can. My DH left when my oldest was 14 months and came back when he was 23 months and it was like he never left, skype helped with not losing that connection. Also read to him. They have a lot of books on daddies being deployed (some can be free), the pictures and stories can help with comprehending where daddy is.
I went home and got a job to pass the time.

Sarah ♥ K&K 2 kids; South Land, CA, United States 120217 posts
status 6th May '13

We're currently on our 4th family deployment, his 5th overall.



Keep busy, dont focus on him being away. I know its hard and its easier said than done but time will go by quicker if you immerse yourself in your kids and their hobbies, functions.



To help my son we went on Militaryonesource.com, they have a sesame street dvd that you can order for free. There are also book they recommend on the goodbye and return. We also ordered a daddy doll from hugahero.com. My oldest has sort of outgrown it so he lets my youngest cuddle with it.



We made a deployment chain and hung it around the house, each day we write something we miss about daddy and put it on the chain then daddy can see it when he comes home. We also have a kisses jar, my oldest gets a hershey's kiss for each day daddy is gone.



Sometimes it helps to journal, I did that for the first couple. Now I find myself opening up to friends more, either online or over the phone.



Dont try to ignore your feelings. I did that before once and the breakdown was bad. I felt like coming to my husband in the days before and just having him hold me was much better than waiting until he was gone to let it out.

Carter&Olivia-Kate's Mama 2 kids; Fort Hood, Texas 5453 posts
6th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mother of Dragons:</b>" SKYPE! If you can. My DH left when my oldest was 14 months and came back when he was 23 months and it ... [snip!] ... be free), the pictures and stories can help with comprehending where daddy is. I went home and got a job to pass the time. "</blockquote>




Thank you I'm really hoping we can Skype and I know ds would love that.. I wasn't aware they had books but ds loves books so I'm definitely gonna check into that!

Carter&Olivia-Kate's Mama 2 kids; Fort Hood, Texas 5453 posts
6th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ⚓ Sarah ⚓:</b>" We're currently on our 4th family deployment, his 5th overall. Keep busy, dont focus on him being away. ... [snip!] ... to my husband in the days before and just having him hold me was much better than waiting until he was gone to let it out. "</blockquote>




Thank you for all the advice I will definitely check out the websites you posted and someone else told me about the Hershey kiss thing that's a cute idea and I love the chain idea as well, I definitely keep my feelings inside so thank you for your advice! And bless you going through 4 deployments.

M&M12/13 Due October 15; 2 kids; noidea, TX, United States 7579 posts
6th May '13

Dh deployed while I was 10 weeks pregnant withh DD it got canceled and he came home after 6 weeks now DD is 13 months and I'm 16 weeks pregnant with DS and dh is deployed again. I have no advice I hope I can find some on this thread I didn't realize I'd feel so alone and depressed and DD thinks dh has abandened her she screams when I show her pictures or when we tango. :(



Good luck.

Carter&Olivia-Kate's Mama 2 kids; Fort Hood, Texas 5453 posts
6th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Maebaby2012+1:</b>" Dh deployed while I was 10 weeks pregnant withh DD it got canceled and he came home after 6 weeks now ... [snip!] ... so alone and depressed and DD thinks dh has abandened her she screams when I show her pictures or when we tango. :( Good luck."</blockquote>



Awe mama I'm sorry I hope things get better for you! I definitely can understand the lonely part

M&M12/13 Due October 15; 2 kids; noidea, TX, United States 7579 posts
6th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Carter's Mommy+1♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Maebaby2012+1:</b>" Dh deployed while I was 10 weeks pregnant ... [snip!] ... luck."</blockquote> Awe mama I'm sorry I hope things get better for you! I definitely can understand the lonely part"</blockquote>




Dh was supposed to be undeployable so we found out 2 week before he left he was going so I haven't had time to accept it I was 100% sure it would get canceled then I thought they would come home early but they just pushed the date back farther and he hasn't even been gone a month I hate this.



But "I knew this when I married him" so I can't talk to family about it



I hope yours goes by fast.

Carter&Olivia-Kate's Mama 2 kids; Fort Hood, Texas 5453 posts
7th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Maebaby2012+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Carter's Mommy+1♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... a month I hate this. But "I knew this when I married him" so I can't talk to family about it I hope yours goes by fast."</blockquote>




Aww that's too bad we'll I have ears if you ever need to vent