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3 little monsters 3 kids; Olathe, Colorado 50990 posts
7th May '13

He has no legal rights but he can take you to court to persue them if he wanted. That's how it is with my oldest LO. I have custody but he can still go to court, have her legitimized as his legal child and go to court for custody after all that if he wanted.

Munchkin Maker 2 kids; Maryland 733 posts
7th May '13
Quoting *Momlette*:" I'm not positive of the laws there but if you werent married and he isnt on the birth certificate there's no proof hes her sperm donor therfore....no proof of rights."


That's how it is here.
Although IF he does get a stick up his ass, and decides he WANTS rights and visitation and what not, he could petition the court for a paternity test. And if he does, then the court will go through the visitation, custody, and child support processes as well as giving him parental rights.
Odds are though, unless you are proven unfit, he won't get much other than visitation. Because she had lived with you her entire life, and he's never really cared for her on his own.

Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
7th May '13
Quoting Sunshine0302:" That is a good point. It'll make him look good too if he's the one who initiates everything. He'll never ... [snip!] ... He'll never agree to any of this though. I hate having to put such an important matter into the hands of a stranger."


I understand. It's scary.



But I really think if he's both unfit AND living in a different state, that you're better off filing. <3 Document everything, and if you can speak with a lawyer before doing anything.

Sunshine0302 1 child; North Carolina 4777 posts
7th May '13
Quoting mmmc15:" You should talk to a lawyer. Many will consult with you for free. I agree that you are better off being ... [snip!] ... are better off being proactive. If he is as shady as you say he is the courts may not even let him take your DD unsupervised."


I do believe I will take this advice. Even if it's not free, I need some legal counsel.

orchidlovingmama 2 kids; Santa Rosa, California 1733 posts
7th May '13

I don't think he'd have a snowballs chance in hell to get custody with that track record

Sunshine0302 1 child; North Carolina 4777 posts
7th May '13
Quoting *Momlette*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sunshine0302:</b>" If I do file for sole custody, they probably ... [snip!] ... blue. He now gets her every other weekend and two days on his off week and can take her for short trips to cali. I hate it. Lol"


Is he responsible? If my LO's father was responsible and not a danger to her, I'd LOVE getting a break every other weekend while my daughter spent time with her dad. I see all this bad stuff happening to little kids when they're in the care of irresponsible adults so I can't just hand her over.

Cayden&Paisley's Mommy 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 664 posts
7th May '13

I'm from NC to. I've never read that but I'm your situation I'd go for for custody. Neither of my kids "fathers" have ever been in their lives. Never even seen them and not on the bc. So i haven't filed for custody out child support because I highly doubt either of them will come around, esp my daughter's father.

Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
7th May '13
Quoting orchidlovingmama:" I don't think he'd have a snowballs chance in hell to get custody with that track record"



I agree.



But, I'm also thinking though (I'm a little hazy on this...) that if he filed in Virginia, OP would have to go to Virginia courts for custody. But if she files it will be in her state? Am I wrong on that?

Sunshine0302 1 child; North Carolina 4777 posts
7th May '13
Quoting The Doctor:" I agree. But, I'm also thinking though (I'm a little hazy on this...) that if he filed in Virginia, ... [snip!] ... in Virginia, OP would have to go to Virginia courts for custody. But if she files it will be in her state? Am I wrong on that?"


I hope that's not the case. My daughter was conceived in North Carolina, born in NC and has lived in NC all her life. We have no ties to VA. He only moved to VA because he was evicted from his appartment in NC and moved back home with his parents. He's still living with his parents.

Sunshine0302 1 child; North Carolina 4777 posts
7th May '13
Quoting Munchkin Maker:" That's how it is here. Although IF he does get a stick up his ass, and decides he WANTS rights and ... [snip!] ... get much other than visitation. Because she had lived with you her entire life, and he's never really cared for her on his own."


I've seen horrible guys get unsupervised visitation with their children. I have a feeling that his past legal troubles won't mean much if he takes me to court.

mmmc15 4 kids; 2 angel babies; Wyoming 708 posts
7th May '13

Another thought. If you are scared to let him see your DH don't let him. He doesn't have a legal right to her at this point. When my oldest's sperm donor would ask to see her I would say get a lawyer and take me to court. He NEVER did and he was on her birth certificate. We ended up having his rights removed and my DH adopted her after we were married.

Sunshine0302 1 child; North Carolina 4777 posts
7th May '13
Quoting mmmc15:" Another thought. If you are scared to let him see your DH don't let him. He doesn't have a legal right ... [snip!] ... did and he was on her birth certificate. We ended up having his rights removed and my DH adopted her after we were married."


He can see her all he wants when I'm there. I have an open door policy and he can come whenever he likes (he lives 2 hours from me). He just can't take her. I'd love to have his rights removed only because I know he'll always be a deadbeat, I don't have a husband to take over like you do. Your situation worked out good.

Sunshine0302 1 child; North Carolina 4777 posts
7th May '13
Quoting Cayden&Paisley's Mommy:" I'm from NC to. I've never read that but I'm your situation I'd go for for custody. Neither of my kids ... [snip!] ... i haven't filed for custody out child support because I highly doubt either of them will come around, esp my daughter's father."


It's so sad that they guys can make children and then just walk away like nothing ever happened. I can't imagine not at least talking to my child every day if I didn't see her every day.

Munchkin Maker 2 kids; Maryland 733 posts
7th May '13
Quoting Sunshine0302:" I've seen horrible guys get unsupervised visitation with their children. I have a feeling that his past legal troubles won't mean much if he takes me to court."


I'm not sure how it is there, again, but the main factors here in a custody issue are: The distance he lives from you and DD. The fact she's lived with you her whole life. That you've been the one supporting her. The stability of your environment. The ability of you two to communicate. How comfortable your DD is with him. The list goes on and on. Judges here are actually REALLY good about making sure the child's BEST possible interest is taken care of. I would imagine its the same where you are.

Cayden&Paisley's Mommy 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 664 posts
7th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sunshine0302:</b>" It's so sad that they guys can make children and then just walk away like nothing ever happened. I can't imagine not at least talking to my child every day if I didn't see her every day."</blockquote>




It is sad. The reason i don't think my daughter's father will come around is because in the time since i found out i was pregnant til now, he has gotten married and had another daughter. He got married 3 weeks before dd was born and they had their daughter in February right before dd turned 7 months old. That's sad for her that he can take care of one daughter but not the other. And I'm pretty sure he didn't tell any of his family about our daughter. I told his best friend though lol. As for my son's father i haven't seen him since i was 5 months pregnant and haven't talked to him since ds was 2 months old. And ds is gonna be 3 in August