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Separation to improve marriage BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12012 posts
8th May '13

Has anyone experienced this? I had a major bout of depression and alcohol abuse in the past year, and got treatment and am now 100% better. However, my husband has fallen out of love with me. He thought that once I was better all the feelings would come back, but they haven't. He's also dealing with some major shit at work. We decided to separate to see if we could start over somewhat. He just moved out last week, but will be coming home on the weekends and talks to us every day. Has anyone else ever gone through this? What were the results? We have been together 14 years and married for 11 and have two kids, 8 and 4. We both want nothing more than to be happily married again and are willing to try anything to get there. I just want to know if it's realistic to think we can make it.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; GoShox!, KS, United States 9243 posts
8th May '13

It's not unrealistic.... but you both have to stay committed to the relationship.

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12012 posts
8th May '13
Quoting loser mom:" It's not unrealistic.... but you both have to stay committed to the relationship."


And by committed you mean?? Like, we are going to date each other, no other people, go to therapy together and individual therapy.

Zombie Mom ✄ 1 child; Washington 13824 posts
8th May '13
Quoting BigG{30+}:" Has anyone experienced this? I had a major bout of depression and alcohol abuse in the past year, and ... [snip!] ... married again and are willing to try anything to get there. I just want to know if it's realistic to think we can make it. "

Me and my husband have been doing something similar. We also work together 4 times a week and that's when our arguments seem to come out. I think when our project is done things will be better. It just sucks right now.

Zombie Mom ✄ 1 child; Washington 13824 posts
8th May '13

i watched an inspiring movie about love. have you seen fireproof??

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12012 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Zombie Mom ✄:" Me and my husband have been doing something similar. We also work together 4 times a week and that's ... [snip!] ... that's when our arguments seem to come out. I think when our project is done things will be better. It just sucks right now."


Yeah, it does suck right now. It's so hard being apart and we decided to limit communication for now. I do think things will be better once it's done though. I wish you the best of luck.

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12012 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Zombie Mom ✄:" i watched an inspiring movie about love. have you seen fireproof??"

No, my IL's gave it to us a few years ago, but we didn't watch it. I was under the impression it was very religious and we are not.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15213 posts
8th May '13

I don't feel like its a proactive way to solve the problem. Him bring away is not going to help you two work together as a team or family, especially if he claims he's fallen out of love with you.



Is it possible that this was his way out and he is telling you he'll "try to work on thing" because he doesn't have the heart to just cut it off?

Zombie Mom ✄ 1 child; Washington 13824 posts
8th May '13
Quoting BigG{30+}:" No, my IL's gave it to us a few years ago, but we didn't watch it. I was under the impression it was very religious and we are not. "

They make a few references I think but nothing over the top. but i was like in tears by the end and I realized how much I really did love my husband.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 46778 posts
status 8th May '13

Honestly, I think separations can help. You see what you are missing out on, and what you love about that person. It gives you time to clear your head and fix yourself.



HOWEVER, I will say that I don't think it's a healthy situation for your kids to be in... seeing dad leave and you two be apart must be very confusing at their age because they are entirely aware of what is going on. I think that maybe some marriage counseling and just spending more time away from each other and independently may be a better option that completely removing him from the home. While you are working on your relationship, it will be effecting the kids.

Zombie Mom ✄ 1 child; Washington 13824 posts
8th May '13

but anyways they follow this thing... it's like random acts of kindness that will bring you closer together, to help each other fall back in love.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; GoShox!, KS, United States 9243 posts
8th May '13
Quoting BigG{30+}:" And by committed you mean?? Like, we are going to date each other, no other people, go to therapy together and individual therapy. "


Yes to all of that.

Kylie's👣Mommy. 1 child; Texas 3379 posts
8th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I don't feel like its a proactive way to solve the problem. Him bring away is not going to help you two ... [snip!] ... this was his way out and he is telling you he'll "try to work on thing" because he doesn't have the heart to just cut it off?"</blockquote>



I agree with this!



OP, I'm currently going through a rough patch. We still live together. But I sleep in a different room. I personally think if either one of us moved out, we wouldn't come back.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; GoShox!, KS, United States 9243 posts
8th May '13
Quoting BigG{30+}:" Yeah, it does suck right now. It's so hard being apart and we decided to limit communication for now. I do think things will be better once it's done though. I wish you the best of luck. "


How long are you going to be separated?? Is he staying with family, or did he rent a place??

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12012 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" I don't feel like its a proactive way to solve the problem. Him bring away is not going to help you two ... [snip!] ... this was his way out and he is telling you he'll "try to work on thing" because he doesn't have the heart to just cut it off?"


I have thought of that and asked him that as well. He said it's not. Both of our therapists have even said it's a good solution. He often works away from home so the kids aren't really picking up on it. But, I can see what you are saying.