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BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting MunchkinWrangler:" Honestly, I think separations can help. You see what you are missing out on, and what you love about ... [snip!] ... option that completely removing him from the home. While you are working on your relationship, it will be effecting the kids. "

He often works away from home, so they don't really know it as anything different. We decided it was better for us to be apart than together and there be so much tension. I'm just so hurt and confused.

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting loser mom:" How long are you going to be separated?? Is he staying with family, or did he rent a place??"

We chose three months. He rented a place.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
8th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" I have thought of that and asked him that as well. He said it's not. Both of our therapists have even ... [snip!] ... a good solution. He often works away from home so the kids aren't really picking up on it. But, I can see what you are saying. "</blockquote>




Can you explain how you think it will benefit your marriage to live as a separated couple?

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Kylie's
Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
8th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" We chose three months. He rented a place. "</blockquote>




He's committing to being away from your marriage for at least 3 months....



Do you think that's fair?

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" I have thought of that and asked him that as ... [snip!] ... are saying. "</blockquote> Can you explain how you think it will benefit your marriage to live as a separated couple?"

So that we can work on ourselves for the time being without worrying about hurting one another. Because he is unsure of what he wants or how he feels, and his feelings fluctuate I get hurt easily and we end up fighting and hurting each other. Having some space between us will allow us to grow and also appreciate each other and not take for granted the things we have.

loser mom 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Oslo, ,, Norway 10847 posts
8th May '13
Quoting BigG{30+}:" We chose three months. He rented a place. "


Well, unless you guys are addressing the issues you have in your marriage, being "separated" isn't going to do you any favors.




IDK... I don't really have any good advice, but I hope it works out.

Mrs. Potato Dick Madagascar 20356 posts
8th May '13

I have no advice. Me giving marriage advice would be like Casey Anthony giving parenting advice.



I hope you guys are able to make it through this... Hugs to you <3

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" We chose three months. He rented a place. "</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... "</blockquote> He's committing to being away from your marriage for at least 3 months.... Do you think that's fair?"


Honestly, no. I really didn't want him to go at all, but the pain of his being here and not really involved seemed worse. I put him through hell for years with my depression and alcoholism so it does seem fair to give him some time to think and be away from us to realize what he would be throwing away.

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting loser mom:" Well, unless you guys are addressing the issues you have in your marriage, being "separated" isn't going to do you any favors. IDK... I don't really have any good advice, but I hope it works out."

Thank you. We are committed to therapy, both individual and couples, and dating again, so I think we will be addressing the issues, hopefully in a better manner.

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:" I have no advice. Me giving marriage advice would be like Casey Anthony giving parenting advice. I hope you guys are able to make it through this... Hugs to you <3"

Thanks girl.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
8th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" We tried that, but his back and forth was hurting me so much that we decided until he can come to a definite ... [snip!] ... as a precursor to divorce, but as a way for us to strengthen ourselves while not having to worry about hurting each other. "</blockquote>




What that sounds like to me was that he was going back and forth and making you feel unwanted and empty, so instead if being around and making you feel terrible, he's gone now so instead, his presence feels like a reward, even when it's little to nothing.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
8th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" So that we can work on ourselves for the time being without worrying about hurting one another. Because ... [snip!] ... Having some space between us will allow us to grow and also appreciate each other and not take for granted the things we have. "</blockquote>




What do YOU need to work on to be a good wife?



What dies HE need to work on to be a good husband?



And why can this only be done living apart?

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" We tried that, but his back and forth was hurting ... [snip!] ... and making you feel terrible, he's gone now so instead, his presence feels like a reward, even when it's little to nothing."

You are very right. That's exactly what it feels like.

BigG{30+} 2 kids; Gainesville, Virginia 12014 posts
8th May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BigG{30+}:</b>" So that we can work on ourselves for the time ... [snip!] ... to work on to be a good wife? What dies HE need to work on to be a good husband? And why can this only be done living apart?"

I need to have my own life and happiness that doesn't depend on him.



He needs to get a better balance on work and home life.



We decided it can only be done apart because we tried for two months together and it wasn't working. We would just end up getting frustrated with each other and mired down in day to day and not really working on it.