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How do you accept & move on? Jess✿ 3 kids; Australia 4334 posts
13th May '13

My partner & I were together for 5 years, we will have 3 children together in just 5 weeks time when I give birth.



It's a long story of what happened but ultimately he's told me today that he's leaving us & he's not coming back.



I have depression & few other mental illness problems that are going to be addressed when I give birth & can start medication & organize counseling for myself. My mental illness aided heavily in this break up, along with a lot of things done on his part. If I wrote about every detail of the whole saga, it would take me all day.



Basically, he started a friendship with a single woman from work began drinking with her & spending his days texting her. When I asked him to give up the friendship for us, he said no because they were only friends & I was being stupid. This lead to a rapid decline of my mental health over the 8 month friendship that is still going on between them. I don't believe they are sleeping together, but I really don't know.



Last night we had a huge argument which ended in me lashing out at him & kicking him (I'm not proud of it) & then I walked out. My lashing out came from him calling me a " split personality bipolar psycho" after I confronted him about texting this woman at my mother's day lunch. I came back later & he had called his parents who had called my grand parents to come sort out what was going on. My grandmother offered to organize couples therapy but he said no, he was finished then he packed his stuff & went to his mother's.



I just don't know what to do now. I live in his parent's rental property & he has bad BAD credit which means he will never be able to rent. I have no money, he's taken it all & I don't have my license or a car. We live in a remote area where I can't get anywhere by walking plus I have pelvis & hip problems from this pregnancy which means I can't walk far anyway as I risk putting myself into preterm labour.



I woke up this morning to make the kids' breakfast & I just broke down in tears because we had no milk & I have no way to get any myself. I feel helpless & utterly lost. To get your license here you need to have held your learners for 12 months (done) & do 120 hours worth of driving (done) but I can't park, I have no family to teach me how & if I went for my license, I'd fail the test plus I have no money for a car, or to get lessons or to get my license.



What do I do? He's left me with no money, no anything. I don't know what to do.
The worst thing is I still want to try to work on things after I get myself sorted out but he's said no.



Does it get easier because right now I think I should just have this baby, sign the kids over to him & just kill myself. I have nothing except my beautiful kids & I can't even get them milk for their breakfast. I feel like an absolute failure. I'm 23 years old & I feel like my life is already over.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
13th May '13

I don't think you're crazy.



I think your husband is a shady insensitive jerk who instead if admitting he's in the wrong, convinces you that you're crazy until you believe it.



You shouldn't have kicked him.



But it sounds like he brings out the worst in you by pushing you to your breaking point and then playing stupid.



I think he has wrecked you by taking you self confidence, & self worth. He has trained you to revolve your life around him...and then punish you for it.



This is typical in abusive relationships.



And while you want to work on things later, you're not the one who broke it. If someone was sick, would you getting help from a doctor make them better?



You didn't break anything, so you continuing to try as you always have isn't going to change anything. He's the problem. Not you.



File for divorce. File for custody. File for child support.



And FIND YOU.



You're still in there. Don't let him steal you.

♥MOBAS♥ 2 kids; 1 angel baby; California 7198 posts
13th May '13

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I think you are moving in the right direction for you and your kids. He is a jerk for leaving you high and dry.

Mama Reasoner 19 kids; Bath Springs, Tennessee 1246 posts
13th May '13

I just went through something very similar, one difference is that he kicked me and my three kids out, we'll came home and changed the locks and wouldn't let us back in. One of my children is his. It is very hard I understand your feelings of signing the kids over and having suicidal thoughts you can pm me if you want. I'm still going through it and this all happened in march. It is probably one of the most difficult things I have ener endured. Btw I'm only 24, hunt if I can do it you can too.

thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3285 posts
13th May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" I don't think you're crazy. I think your husband is a shady insensitive jerk who instead if admitting ... [snip!] ... File for divorce. File for custody. File for child support. And FIND YOU. You're still in there. Don't let him steal you."


I completely agree with this!
Can you apply for some sort of social assistance or w/e?
Also, talk to your inlaws about you staying in the rental place?
I am sure they wont kick you and their grandchildren out....

Ronnie RadKat 4 kids; Arizona 22168 posts
13th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" I don't think you're crazy. I think your husband is a shady insensitive jerk who instead if admitting ... [snip!] ... File for divorce. File for custody. File for child support. And FIND YOU. You're still in there. Don't let him steal you."</blockquote>




All of this!



Couldn't have said it better.



Even though it seems hopeless right now, it's not. I've been through something similar and as cheesy as it sounds I used to repeat a quote from a movie to myself as a sort of mantra. It was "every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around" basically meaning as long as I'm living there is hope and possibility for me.

orchidlovingmama 2 kids; Santa Rosa, California 1769 posts
13th May '13

I cant believe some of the assholes that walk this earth. How dare he leave you for someone else when you have soon to be three children. I think you were 100% right to not want him texting a single girl ''friend' from work. And the fact that he wouldn't stop for you and your family just solidifies the fact that you were justified in walking out on him. You did the right thing. I don't care what kind of mental illness you have, he had a responsibility to those kids and he left you in a horrible situation.



You need to file for child support, food stamps, Wic, low income housing and you need to do all if this asap. Can someone in your family take you to do all of this? Its just temporary you aren't going to need it for the rest of your life, just to get on your feet. You might also have to swallow your pride and ask his parents for some help. They should be willing to help you being there son is not doing his duty as a father and their Grandkids are going to suffer for that.



and yes, things are going to get better. Once you get your medication you will feel a lot better and that's just the beginning. It will get easier as time goes on to accept him leaving and you will be able to move on with your life and be happy. there are good men out in this world that won't treat you like this and you will realize that you are better off without that man.



Also this is very controversial but I'm going to mention it because when I was going through a Lott of depression and mental issues I started to smoke pot and it helped me to not need all of the strong meds which can damage your liver and have unknown long term effects. Not sure if you even have medical cannabis in you're state...but anyhow. I hope that didn't offend you, just omit that part if it did. I hope you feel better and just know that there are brighter days. Be strong for those babies and try not to stress because you have a beautiful little life inside of you. Feel free to pm me anytime if you need someone to talk to.