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When to step in as a parent role? Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
14th May '13

Quick back-story: My sister's boyfriend has a 5 yr old. She knew this before they started dating because we grew up around this guy and she knew about the drama he has with the kid's mom when she moved in with her boyfriend. The custody agreement was that he got his son every other weekend and every Wednesday night. Well for whatever reason (the mom comes up with a different ones every day) the kid has been with his dad and my sister for almost 2 weeks now. My sister's boyfriend works all the time so my sister is the one staying home and watching him but I'm talking to her and she's very overwhelmed. The boy is acting up and talking back and when she tried to get him to behave he yells 'You're not my mom'. I told her he probably just really misses him mom and this has to be hard on him (his dad was in prison for almost 4 years so the whole thing is very new to him still). Her boyfriend is going to go after full custody so this will probably become a permanent arraignment.



Anyway her situation got me wondering when you think it's a good time to step up as a parent? In your opinion does it make a difference if you are married to the biological parent or not?

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
14th May '13

My step kids respect me as they would a mother, that's because I've demanded respect from them since I stepped into the picture. When they're with me... they behave and listen as if I was their actual parent (since before we were married)... and if they don't, they know I will spank them- I have no problem disciplining them as if they were my own, but I also love them as if they were my own...

Samee Due February 5; 1 child; Lake Jackson, Texas 1869 posts
14th May '13

imo. she should talk to the father about stepping up with discipline before doing so. have a plan where he is going to.back her up so the child knows he should listen.to.her.

Minion Due September 30 (girl); 2 kids; Toccoa, GA, United States 20048 posts
14th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kacti:</b>" My step kids respect me as they would a mother, that's because I've demanded respect from them since ... [snip!] ... I will spank them- I have no problem disciplining them as if they were my own, but I also love them as if they were my own..."</blockquote>



Thissssss!!!!!!




She could try saying something like "I may not be your mom, but I am the adult and you WILL obey me."

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
14th May '13

If she's the one that's with him while dad's at work or whatever... then she has the right to discipline him, like a parent would... if mom or dad has a problem with that, then they should find someone else to watch him. She does need dad to back her up though, to make it easier.

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49251 posts
14th May '13

He does need to obey rules regardless of what Vagina he came from lol. I'm not opposed to someone disciplining another person's child but it needs to be discussed with the parent first what they deem acceptable. She should talk to his dad, both need to agree on a plan of action then stick to it. The boy needs stability that his mother is clearly making sure he doesn't have.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
14th May '13

I told her a while back when they had him for like a week or so that her and her boyfriend needed to talk about things but he doesn't really talk about it. He just said he doesn't care and that's that. He doesn't enforce ANY punishment at all with him (this kid is horrible, but I know it's not the kids fault so I feel really bad saying that lol).



I'll tell her to just put her foot down with him and see how it goes.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
14th May '13
Quoting Minion:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kacti:</b>" My step kids respect me as they would a mother, ... [snip!] ... Thissssss!!!!!! She could try saying something like "I may not be your mom, but I am the adult and you WILL obey me.""


My dss recently started calling me step-monster.. lol.

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
14th May '13
Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" He does need to obey rules regardless of what Vagina he came from lol. I'm not opposed to someone disciplining ... [snip!] ... to agree on a plan of action then stick to it. The boy needs stability that his mother is clearly making sure he doesn't have."

I feel so bad for that little boy. The boyfriend's parole officer did a raid with a bunch of co-workers on a half-way house and found his son there while the mom was getting high :( She told the boyfriend in confidence so he knew what was going on and got police and CPS involved but CPS said that since he was in another room there was nothing they could do but the report will help him in court get custody.

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49251 posts
14th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kacti:</b>" My dss recently started calling me step-monster.. lol."</blockquote>




Then you're probably doing it right lol

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49251 posts
14th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Madi's*Mama:</b>" I feel so bad for that little boy. The boyfriend's parole officer did a raid with a bunch of co-workers ... [snip!] ... CPS said that since he was in another room there was nothing they could do but the report will help him in court get custody. "</blockquote>



If he doesn't care why does he want the boy? Maybe some other family member would care and support him emotionally. He needs it badly from the sounds of it.

Minion Due September 30 (girl); 2 kids; Toccoa, GA, United States 20048 posts
14th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Madi's*Mama:</b>" I feel so bad for that little boy. The boyfriend's ... [snip!] ... want the boy? Maybe some other family member would care and support him emotionally. He needs it badly from the sounds of it."</blockquote>




This!

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
14th May '13
Quoting I'm His Amy He's My Rory:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Madi's*Mama:</b>" I feel so bad for that little boy. The boyfriend's ... [snip!] ... want the boy? Maybe some other family member would care and support him emotionally. He needs it badly from the sounds of it."

I agree. I think my sister is hoping to be that person for him but she's only 19 and they have only been dating for 6 months, so she's learning how hard being a parent really is.

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49251 posts
14th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Madi's*Mama:</b>" I agree. I think my sister is hoping to be that person for him but she's only 19 and they have only been dating for 6 months, so she's learning how hard being a parent really is. "</blockquote>




Good birth control lol

Kaleighshaleigh 3 kids; USA 5489 posts
14th May '13

I don't think she should "be the parent", but she has every right to demand certain rules to be followed. If he doesn't follow the rules them the father should have some serious consequences for him. I do think that in this situation the father should be the one giving out the punishments if he misbehaves.