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Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18488 posts
15th May '13
Quoting laurenmik:" It's my BEST friend... No she's not just my friend she's like my female soulmate. I don't know what the ... [snip!] ... My heart is breaking and I'm loosing my best friend over this. I can't be happy for her and that's not fair to either of us."


Honestly, I have been in your shoes and you just should stay out of it. One lecture to her is enough. Women are just stupid sometimes and believe everything out of their man's mouth. Makes you sick sometimes. :/



My ex bestie would go back to live with her boyfriend right after he just got down having a fuck fest all weekend with a random chick he works with. He buys her some shit and she takes him back...everytime. This has been going on for almost 3 years. It's disgusting to watch.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
15th May '13

DH cheated after we had been dating for about 6 months. I was head over hills in love with him, and he had some really messed up trust issues to begin with. But I let him know how much it hurt me, and I kept on loving him. I never threw it up in his face, even after he did it a second, third, and forth time. All of my friends told me I was crazy for staying with him, especially after he kept doing it. Finally one day he just cried, and told me I'm so sorry... I don't know why I keep hurting you, I promise I won't do it again... and he hasn't. We since got married and just bought a house together. We're happier than most, and I still never ever mention what he did, even if we fight. People can change... and true love is always worth fighting for. So if you really love him, and he loves you, and you have it in you... I'd stick it out, see where things are headed, and when you are both confident in your relationship, consider house shopping :)

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
15th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Honestly, I have been in your shoes and you just should stay out of it. One lecture to her is enough. ... [snip!] ... He buys her some shit and she takes him back...everytime. This has been going on for almost 3 years. It's disgusting to watch. "</blockquote>




Yea.. She was won back by flowers.. Fucking flowers?! At first I thought she was joking.



I have been staying out of it lately.. Her exact words to me were "I don't want anything from you. I think you think you are opening my eyes to something by saying over and over his faults. I know you don't like him. "



So now we don't talk. She only wants to talk about him, I can't deal with it.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18488 posts
15th May '13
Quoting laurenmik:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Honestly, I have been in your shoes and ... [snip!] ... over his faults. I know you don't like him. " So now we don't talk. She only wants to talk about him, I can't deal with it."


Yeah, I eventually had to cut ties with her. She was becoming ridiculous. And you know who is there when she is bawling her eyes out because he kicks her out and tells her he is cheating on her? Me. I couldnt hear her cry for a a few days and then start talking to him and tell him "I love you" on the phone. In was driving me CRAZY! AND he has done this to EVERY woman he has been with. What makes these chicks think they are going to be the one to change them?! It's not going to happen! They may take a little break, but next time they will be sneakier about it. There is no getting past it. I don't know if it a self worth issue with these women or not. It is very similar to a cycle of abuse.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
15th May '13
Quoting laurenmik:" <blockquote><b>Quoting JessieLeeAnne:</b>" Honestly, I have been in your shoes and ... [snip!] ... over his faults. I know you don't like him. " So now we don't talk. She only wants to talk about him, I can't deal with it."


I just saw that it was your friend you're talking about, and not yourself... I think you sound like a lot of my friends when DH and I were first dating. I understand that you're looking out for her.. like they were with me.. but maybe she really loves him... and if I didn't keep letting DH "win" me back, who knows where we'd be today... and we are very much in love, and very happy... as dumb as you may think it is for her to keep on... it may still work out for the best. I think you should let her do what she's going to do with little interference from you... if you keep on talking bad about the man she loves (even if it's truth) you might push her away :(

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18488 posts
15th May '13
Quoting kacti:" I just saw that it was your friend you're talking about, and not yourself... I think you sound like ... [snip!] ... interference from you... if you keep on talking bad about the man she loves (even if it's truth) you might push her away :("


Girl, you are 22. He still has PLENTY of time to cheat on you again. You are mistaken if you think it will be all peaches with him forever and ever. I wouldnt talk just yet.



And this is girl choosing a disrespectful, no good man over a good friend. She doesnt need to worry about pushing the girl away, that girl needs to worry about losing a great friend over a loser.

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
15th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kacti:</b>" I just saw that it was your friend you're talking about, and not yourself... I think you sound like ... [snip!] ... interference from you... if you keep on talking bad about the man she loves (even if it's truth) you might push her away :("</blockquote>




I'm just not seeing this guys redeeming qualities.. From what I've seen he's jealous, overly emotional and manipulative. He also has 3 children with 3 different women and normally that wouldn't bother me, but it shows a pattern.



It's hard watching this and with his strange outbursts I've witnessed, I'm afraid of what he'll end up doing to her.

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
15th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" I know this is hard but you have to let her make her own decisions and still be her friend in the process. ... [snip!] ... her life. What I should have done was be by her side (regardless) through good times, and bad. We recently connected on FB."</blockquote>




I'm trying.. I really have been for months. I knew after meeting him a few times he just wasn't someone I could really get along with, so for her I kept my distance and just stayed away from him. But now after the horrible things he's done I can't just ignore it.



We do good talking about everything else, but she'll bring him up and talk about him and the conversation just stalls.. For days.



I hate that I feel this way, but I feel this way because I love her.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
15th May '13
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" Girl, you are 22. He still has PLENTY of time to cheat on you again. You are mistaken if you think it ... [snip!] ... She doesnt need to worry about pushing the girl away, that girl needs to worry about losing a great friend over a loser. "


You're right he could if he wanted to, and he does have plenty of time... but that happened 4 years ago, and he hasn't cheated since then... if he did cheat again... I would still forgive him because that's how much I love him... I'm just saying that I think guys can make mistakes even repeatedly.. and still have love for you, and if it's really love then IMO it's always worth sticking it out. And the only people who really know if it's worth it are the people involved in the relationship.



And yeah, maybe this guy's a loser.. I don't know these people, but still if they love each other then let them work it out right? I know in my situation.. my husband takes care of me, he respects me, and we have a level of communication and understanding that is unheard of in most marriages- regardless of the fact that he cheated multiple times earlier on... and all of my friends that were looking out for me with good intentions, regret trying to break us up, cause every body can see how happy we are- 4 years later... just sayin'

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
15th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kacti:</b>" You're right he could if he wanted to, and he does have plenty of time... but that happened 4 years ... [snip!] ... me with good intentions, regret trying to break us up, cause every body can see how happy we are- 4 years later... just sayin'"</blockquote>



I've been with my husband for 14 years and married 11. He's never cheated and we're happy, so it's hard for me to ever imagine being happy with someone who could betray me that way.



If he were to cheat on me or treat me the way this guy treats her, she'd be the first one to poison his food.

Sara Go 1 child; San Diego, California 866 posts
15th May '13

I don't get why you would want to stay with someone who doesn't feel like you can fulfill his needs. Which is what he's basically saying when he's cheated on you (repeatedly).



There is a man out there that would consider you his EVERYTHING and he wouldn't dream of cheating on you. I wish you the best though.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
15th May '13
Quoting Just Ames:" Sooooooo Why is it OK for your Husband to repeatedly cheat but your ex SIL is a "whore" for doing it, hmm? You sound like a manipulated silly girl. "


#1 my husband cheated on me before we were married, I knew what I was getting into, and chose to forgive him out of LOVE... my brother's ex wife- manipulated him into marrying her- she never loved him in the first place, and only used him for his army benefits



#2 I was not overseas serving my country, when my husband cheated on me... my brother was in south korea, less than 2 months after they were MARRIED.



#3 I never said it was OK or that my husband was not a whore for cheating on me, only that I still love him and forgave him, and he's still a wonderful man... my vent about my ex SIL was about a lot more than just cheating on my brother... she is not a good person... if it was just cheating- then maybe I would not have considered her such a vile person, but she was conniving, manipulative, and a sad excuse for a human... my husband is a good man!



No ma'am I am not manipulated... I am very aware of the status of my relationship with my husband... and I promise... we are good, and our marriage is for life :D

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18488 posts
15th May '13
Quoting kacti:" #1 my husband cheated on me before we were married, I knew what I was getting into, and chose to forgive ... [snip!] ... am very aware of the status of my relationship with my husband... and I promise... we are good, and our marriage is for life :D"


picard-facepalm.jpg

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
15th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" I think some distance from her might do you some good. You don't have to come right out and say why, ... [snip!] ... time she wants to chat or get together. I'm sure she'll get the hint and if she wants to talk about it, then you can tell her."</blockquote>




I think you're right and that's what we've been doing, but sometimes it feels like I'm missing a limb. I miss her and she misses me too. I know we'll figure it out and move past this, but it will be a while.



It feels pathetic to write this, but we've been so close for 18 years.. So I do depend on her friendship.

Emily Dickinson 18 kids; Indiana 57849 posts
15th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kacti:</b>" #1 my husband cheated on me before we were married, I knew what I was getting into, and chose to forgive ... [snip!] ... am very aware of the status of my relationship with my husband... and I promise... we are good, and our marriage is for life :D"</blockquote>




Good men do not cheat multiple times. End of story.