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ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
May 19th '13
Quoting Jenna+1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" ... [snip!] ... tell her, she could do what she wants with the info but at least I'd know that I tried to tell her what she was getting into."


But if the father has NOTHING to do with the child. She isn't "getting herself into" anything.....

::Nikki:: 1 child; Arkansas 2624 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Busy mommy*:</b>" ... [snip!] ... woman who she does not know. It would be coming from a negative place. So the "she deserves to know" reason is just bullshit."</blockquote>




Exactly.
It comes down to this--who do you care about more, your child or some girl you don't know who is banging your ex? You are trying to screw him over to get back at him, not trying to help out this other girl. What are you really trying to accomplish? Ending his relationship? Getting her to shame him in to being involved? He wont be a good father if someone is forcing him to be involved, he is going to have to want to be involved all on his own...and he clearly doesn't. No good can come from you telling her.

CJKB+JMB=AMB 1 child; Watertown, New York 2525 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" ... [snip!] ... he is going to have to want to be involved all on his own...and he clearly doesn't. No good can come from you telling her."</blockquote>




Exactly!

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Busy mommy*:</b>" ... [snip!] ... woman who she does not know. It would be coming from a negative place. So the "she deserves to know" reason is just bullshit."</blockquote>




I don't agree with this at all. I know for me it would be because I cared for the woman. If she didn't care about what I told her that's her business but is be telling her because I'd want someone to tell me, if I was about to marry a man who wanted nothing to do with a child he helped create. Sorry.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ma ♥:</b>" But if the father has NOTHING to do with the child. She isn't "getting herself into" anything....."</blockquote>




She would be getting herself into a life long commitment with a man who is a shit bag! So yeah she is getting into something lmao.
I would never marry a man who walked away from his child. I'd say peace the f**k out if someone told me. I'd be pissed he hadn't said anything sooner and that he almost let me marry him knowing he's a d**k head.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" ... [snip!] ... he is going to have to want to be involved all on his own...and he clearly doesn't. No good can come from you telling her."</blockquote>




Don't agree with this either. I care about ppl, ppl I haven't met, strangers on the street, doesn't matter. I've witnessed this situation first hand and saw how grateful the woman was that someone told her. She couldn't be with someone who didn't give a shit that he had a child. Could you date and marry a man that you KNEW had a child that he walked away from for no good reason?

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" How do you know it was for no good reason? You know this dude? Oh wait..."</blockquote>




Well if I was in this situation it wouldn't matter to me what the reason was. And IMO he would be a dead beat, I also know a good amount of girls who feel the sane way.

user banned 2 kids; Georgia 24891 posts
May 19th '13
Quoting Jenna+1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" How do you know it was for no good reason? ... [snip!] ... matter to me what the reason was. And IMO he would be a dead beat, I also know a good amount of girls who feel the sane way."


If he told her beforehand that he wanted no part, that's on the chick. She chose to keep it knowing he didn't want a child, doesn't make him a deadbeat.

Good Queen Bess Due December 27; 2 kids; Ontario 49484 posts
May 19th '13
Quoting Kimber-lily:" You wouldn't want to know about your step child? "


The man has nothing and wants nothing to do with the child....she isn't a step-mother, until he is a father.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting A❤T=P&W:</b>" If he told her beforehand that he wanted no part, that's on the chick. She chose to keep it knowing he didn't want a child, doesn't make him a deadbeat. "</blockquote>




I wouldn't be with a guy that didn't want kids. Maybe that scenario wouldn't make him a deadbeat but still make him not marriage material IMO.
It's also something I'd still be pissed he didn't tell me before getting married. I'd be pissed at anyone who knew what was going on but didn't tell me.

::Nikki:: 1 child; Arkansas 2624 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ::Nikki:::</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" ... [snip!] ... shit that he had a child. Could you date and marry a man that you KNEW had a child that he walked away from for no good reason?"</blockquote>



My ex did just that. He now has a step child and a child on the way. They seem to be doing quite well, who am I to interfere with that? My son is happy and healthy and doesn't feel like he is missing out on anything--what exactly would I accomplish by telling her? Honestly, it's none of her business.

user banned 2 kids; Georgia 24891 posts
May 19th '13
Quoting Jenna+1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting A❤T=P&W:</b>" If he told her beforehand that he wanted ... [snip!] ... be pissed he didn't tell me before getting married. I'd be pissed at anyone who knew what was going on but didn't tell me."


noy being ready to parent in that situation, doesn't mean he doesn't want kids in the future :?
Are women who abort or adopt out deadbeats?

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ma ♥:</b>" ... [snip!] ... bag because he wasn't ready to parent? But when women make that choice, they are angels and so selfless. Please. Be consistent."</blockquote>



I am consistent. I don't think women who choose adoption are angles. Lmao at you just assuming shit about me. I think if a woman doesn't want a kid she should abort. I don't think adoption is selfless. So sorry but you have me all wrong. I am all for a man having a right to walk away and make that choice. But I also feel he should be honest about it. Just cause that would be a deal breaker for me doesn't mean it has to be for all women. If you would be fine with being with a man who can make that choice, cool. But I wouldn't be able to and wouldn't want to. I still say the fianc

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
May 19th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting A❤T=P&W:</b>" noy being ready to parent in that situation, doesn't mean he doesn't want kids in the future :? Are women who abort or adopt out deadbeats?"</blockquote>




I just said maybe it doesn't automatically make him a deadbeat but IMO definitely makes him not marriage material. Does everyone have to think like me? No. This woman could be totally content with being with someone who made that choice. Good for her if that's what she wants. All I'm talking here is how "I" see it and how "I" would feel. Lmao

Good Queen Bess Due December 27; 2 kids; Ontario 49484 posts
May 19th '13
Quoting Jenna+1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jenna+1:</b>" ... [snip!] ... should tell her. That's my opinion. You aren't going to change my mind on this subject so I don't what the point of this is."


Sure...SOMEONE should tell her, but the last person that should do it, is the mother of that child.