Reply
Single mom of 2, Pregnant with #3 = Worst Nightmare honeybee75 Due December 31; 2 kids; Florida 16 posts
19th May '13

Hi, all. Its my 1st time here and I'm looking for a bit of insight. I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant with Baby #3, third father. I was on the Nuvaring when I conceived, and this is like a nightmare come true. Therefore I'm strongly considering abortion. My worst nightmare was having 3 kids with 3 different fathers. My DD father passed away when she was young. DS father is a deadbeat. This would be BD first, and he was happy to hear the news but said the final decision was up to me. We had a good relationship, but since I found out I was pregnant, we have fought viciously and I broke up with him just a few days ago in a moment of passion. He is 3 years younger than me, 34, and is away at trucking school. I have a very good corporate position with an international company. He has a shady past but is currently "getting his life in order". He is also cheap, and I've had to foot the bill the last few dates, but he can still somehow afford to drive around town in flashy cars (rentals). He has bragged to me that there are "tons of women after him" and describes my behavior as "erratic" and says there are too many women in this world for him to put up with that. I attribute it to me being terrified and pregnant, since the arguments didn't start until I became pregnant. He was always hard to talk to on the phone since he's in trucking school. But now that we've broken up, I feel more alone than ever. Part of me is kind of excited about being a mom again at 37. But just a small part. My family turned their backs on me with preg. #2, and I'm afraid it may be the same this time. And I will have to live with the 3 BD stigma, and so will my children. Have any single parents out there become unexpectantly pregnant again and had to face their biggest fears? What did you do? How did you cope? I'm so lost right now!

Amelia [a Mom] 1 child; 4 angel babies; Tallahassee, Florida 15704 posts
19th May '13

I have not experienced this so I can't offer advice in that regard. It sounds like abortion may be what's best for your family. I certainly don't envy your situation but things happen and having a relationship with someone isn't wrong. I think getting some counseling with your SO might not be a bad idea. Good luck!

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
19th May '13

I am extremely pro-choice, but if you're only reason for wanting to terminate is the '3 baby daddy' stigma, I think you need to re-evaluate.



Another thing I got to say, if you dont want to get pregnant, dont let men c*m in you! Birth control or not, c*m is what makes babies, so keep it out of uterus way.



As far as your family, did they come around after #2 was born? If so Im sure they will this time too.



You have a good job, you can do this on your own, you've done it twice before. You'll have to figure things out for yourself. I think even when planned, we all freak out a bit when finding out we are expecting.

Rebekah Garden x3 Due October 5 (boy); 33 kids; Fall River, Massachusetts 5223 posts
19th May '13

My mom has 4 children by 4 fathers. She had her first at 17, the. 24, then 32, then 36. I wouldn't worry about the stigma. If you want to have an abortion it is ultimately your choice. I would not make that decision based solely on "3 BD" I honestly don't think that is a great reason. If that is truly what you are afraid of though you have to do, what you have to do! Are you willing and able to care for 3 children by yourself if he backs away completely? Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15307 posts
19th May '13

If he's saying he has plenty of women after him and shouldn't have to put up with you, YOU nor your pregnancy, are the problem.

La~La 4 kids; Houston, Texas 22036 posts
19th May '13

meh....I have 4 kids by 3 BDs....nobody looks at me any different

Severus Snape 2 kids; Tennessee 3550 posts
19th May '13
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" I am extremely pro-choice, but if you're only reason for wanting to terminate is the '3 baby daddy' stigma, ... [snip!] ... have to figure things out for yourself. I think even when planned, we all freak out a bit when finding out we are expecting."


:!::!:
I completely agree with all of this. Pregnancy is scary even when it's planned by married people who are totally in love. Your situation may not be ideal but you have a good job so you can afford it, and you've already raised two kids as a single mother and you could do it again. Hopefully your family comes around for you. Good luck OP!

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36521 posts
19th May '13
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" I am extremely pro-choice, but if you're only reason for wanting to terminate is the '3 baby daddy' stigma, ... [snip!] ... have to figure things out for yourself. I think even when planned, we all freak out a bit when finding out we are expecting."


I agree. When I get pregnant again, it will be my 4th pregnancy with a 4th different guy.

honeybee75 Due December 31; 2 kids; Florida 16 posts
19th May '13

Thank you so much for all of your responses! A big reason for the termination would be the 3 BD stigma. I was already in therapy over the 2 BD stigma. People in my past have judged me for it... Well, men I've dayed, and I started to walk around already feeling rejected before I'd met anyone. Current BD says he doesn't care but that my past has "made me an emotional wreck" and he almost wishes he hadn't dated a single parent. Yet anotjer judgment.... I have a great job, however, I feel as if I was just getting to a point in my life when money wasn't an issue, and now this. I just feel as if I would have an emotional breakdown with 3 BDs, be undateable, and that my life would be over. My very strict family would deem me a failure ... Again... Although they did come around with son.. This next child would just do them in. A big part of me always wanted a big family and a home filled with love, children and dogs, but of course, with a husband. However, I am in the later part of my childbearing years. Not sure about BD's current state of mind as he seemed to be resolved with abortion option last time we communicated. He more than likely has already moved on.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
19th May '13
Quoting honeybee75:" Thank you so much for all of your responses! A big reason for the termination would be the 3 BD stigma. ... [snip!] ... of mind as he seemed to be resolved with abortion option last time we communicated. He more than likely has already moved on."


You got to focus more on how you see yourself, not others




Good luck with everything.

Rebekah Garden x3 Due October 5 (boy); 33 kids; Fall River, Massachusetts 5223 posts
19th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting honeybee75:</b>" Thank you so much for all of your responses! A big reason for the termination would be the 3 BD stigma. ... [snip!] ... of mind as he seemed to be resolved with abortion option last time we communicated. He more than likely has already moved on."</blockquote>



My mom had 3 BD when she met my stepdad! My step dad took all of her kids and her in with loving arms! You won't be undatable and unlovable. If your family won't come around that is their problem! I hope you come to the best decision for you. Think long and hard though about how you think you would feel if you went through with the abortion. My mom had one between my brother and sister (which would have made 5BD with 5kids) and she says she regrets it more than anything. I would seek couseling if you go through with it!

La~La 4 kids; Houston, Texas 22036 posts
19th May '13

This "stigma" you keep talking about.......doesn't exist. Its not 1960 and its not uncommon for SINGLE women to have babies by several different fathers these days.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36521 posts
19th May '13
Quoting La~La:" This "stigma" you keep talking about.......doesn't exist. Its not 1960 and its not uncommon for SINGLE women to have babies by several different fathers these days."


Yeah it does. With old fashion families it does. When my grandmother found out that I was pregnant with my 3rd [number 2 that she knew about] she called me a trashy slut. It is still out there... :/

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
19th May '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Yeah it does. With old fashion families it does. When my grandmother found out that I was pregnant with my 3rd [number 2 that she knew about] she called me a trashy slut. It is still out there... :/"


like she said, its not 1960.....Im sure your grandmother was around in 1960 right

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36521 posts
19th May '13
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" like she said, its not 1960.....Im sure your grandmother was around in 1960 right"


Yeah she had my mom in 67 when she was 20.