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IS BOYFRIEND CHEATING? Need Advice...Ladies? Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
21st May '13

I apologize if this is long...but I really need opinions BAD cause I am losing my mind over here!



Me and my man have been together almost 7 years now...We never and I mean NEVER had any fights or arguments, yelling screaming etc...He is a super chill and laid back guy, and I learned a lot of "what not to do" from my previous long term relationship.
Even though jealousy hits me from time to time and him talking to other girls and hanging out with them bugs me somewhat, I NEVER told him he can not talk to other girls or hang with them...EVER. And After a while, I really didn't mind it anymore cause...I just developed trust for him. All my friends are guys. My best friend is a guy, so if my man trust me I should trust him, And I have...
I admit, I have got nosey in the past and looked through his phone...and it seems like one girl stopped talking to him cause he told her he was in a relationship...So im thinking cool at least he is being honest.
Girls have came in and out his life...I really didnt care about it. Who am I to tell him who he can and can not hang out with or have as a friend?
We all should have free will.



RECENTLY something happened that bothered the SHIT out of me!
We pull up at a bank, he runs in there Im sitting alone in the car, an alarm goes off on his phone, I reach over to shut it off and I see some messages from this girl...
Of course, I knew RIGHT AWAY that she was just a...maybe a "home model" or something. One of those girls who sells nude pictures for money. And yea i read all the messages and I saw she was trying to target my man asking him to buy nudes and "aww dont you wanna see my hot body etc" and he text her back he thought it was dumb/why are you doing this? your beautiful/etc
AND AND AND (SMH lol) I notice he kept texting her after like "hey what are you doing"
LOL It was funny and sad at the same time, that he didnt know...she only wanted one thing from him!
lol
I know about how all that stuff goes...Not to go off subject but I used to be a webcam model and as I am a plus size model, some of the nude photoshoots I have taken, some of the photographers will pose as the woman and try and sell the photographs for money to members who sign up to web sites third party etc. So I knew the game she was playing
ANYWAYS, to assure myself of suspicion, I took down her number on my phone and called it and voila! it was a fake number...
I waited for my man to get back to the car...and I questioned him about it...FIRST thing he says "man why you looking through my phone???" man aint nothing going on with her...shes a friend. I know her...aint nothing going on!
of course in my mind im like lolz seriously...So I told him about how she probly isnt real and that I called the number and it was fake etc and told him how that stuff works...he knows I model...so he didnt say anything After I told him about that stunt...
I then reassured him
" You know I never mind you talk to girls, and If you are telling me honestly, this is your friend...OK I will believe you, BUT I just want HER to have respect for YOU, OUR RELATIONSHIP AND FOR ME"
I told him, if she is your friend, why is she talking to you that way? She obviously has wrong intentions...Its not you I dont trust, it is her.
and that was honesty right there. And I know my man...he is a good guy he always believes he can change peoples way...I mean, he DID lift me up out of a dark place in my life...Hes a good person to talk to, yes he is.
That was that for now...



Later that day my boyfriend started saying that I am insecure and that I dont trust him etc...like flipping out for invalid reasons! I told him...HOW am I insecure? I MODEL! lol!
Im 1000000000% comfortable in my own skin and I never cared about him talking/hanging with girls etc
He just said I am insecure for going through his phone.
didnt make sense to me.



So I decided to text this fake "girl" and let her know where i was coming from...I didnt get mad or call her any names or anything, I just told her I didnt appreciate how she was getting at my man and that I dont need her trying to stray him from me, and that we been together for several years and expecting a baby etc.



she apologzied (to my surpirse) A LOT. she said that she just copied and paste him a series of messages she sends out to clients, I believe her.
She said, she was going to stop texting him etc she even told me not to be mad at him cause he made no request for nudes etc (which is true)



so whatever, I told my man I texted her and I was trying to show him the mature conversation we had and he got mad...that I text her LOL



I mean...why would he be mad? I told him...If a woman cant have respect for you, our relationship AND me? I dont think you have business talking to her. RIGHT?



So...the next day, I saw that he put a lock on his phone...LOL



and it bothered me,
I asked him about it and he snaps without letting me finish what I was saying ITS JUST A DAM LOCK MAN I AINT DOING NOTHING! NOTHING IS GOING ON!



but still...RED FLAG to me...



do any of you ladies agree?



what do you think is going on here?



This is my very first pregnancy/baby
and I read online that A LOT of women will think there man is cheating, that its really all just hormones playing a role etc, and the feeling can get intense...But when do you cross the line between hormones and womans intuition?



ps- I only see my man weekends only...so he DOES have monday-friday to himself really...



THANK YOU to anyone who read it this far!
I appreciate any help!!

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
22nd May '13

He may have put the lock on because he feels that his privacy has been removed from him. We are all entitled to a little privacy. We don't fully know your reaction or what he is really doing but, your communication and tryst has been compromised. He could just enjoy a little porn here and there. Time to have an open conversation that isn't accusatory with him.

♥Mrs.Garcia 18 kids; Houston, Texas 13802 posts
22nd May '13

Ya, I would think a red flag. I have called on of my DH ex's before because they wouldn't stop talking and I didn't like how they were talking to eachother. Hell, I even threw DH out for that. It was a repeat offense. I wouldn't have cared if he had just stopped the first time. But no, it happened over and over and over again. But anyways. Yes, for me it's a red flag. I called that girl and he didn't care because he knew he was wrong. But he really did betray my trust. IN your situation. Yes, it may be a red flag to look out. But right now you can't go jumping into a situation accusing him of anything because he hasn't done anything. To me it's more of a yellow light. Caution. Y'all should definitely talk. Best of luck.

♀NoBoysAllowed 19 kids; San Diego, California 51862 posts
22nd May '13

It doesn't really sound like he's cheating, and it also sounds like you know that. The lock on his phone is a bit extreme, but that might just be to prove a point (even though it wasn't like you grabbed his phone with the intent of looking through his messages...he doesn't seem to believe that).

Red Bottom TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
22nd May '13

Random girls don't just randomly text guys asking them to buy pictures.



And why is your boyfriend of 7 years hanging out with other women? That's just odd. He may be crossing the line regularly because you allow it.

Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting Not tellin:" He may have put the lock on because he feels that his privacy has been removed from him. We are all entitled ... [snip!] ... He could just enjoy a little porn here and there. Time to have an open conversation that isn't accusatory with him."


OH I know he watches porn! Hell I watch it too! I dont mind he watches it at all, I am not accusing him AT ALL of cheating, but man its just this gut feeling I have that I cant shake off, and it is really bothering me...
they say...That when a man starts acting strangely nice toward you...he is usually guilty of something
and lately...he has been calling me everyday and actually conversating....something he never did before.

user banned 1 child; Jamaica, OH, United States 7126 posts
22nd May '13

A lock on his phone is 100% red flag and you have a right to be upset/worried. The only time my man ever put a code on something he didn't give me was when he was talking to whores behind my back. As soon as that ended, he told me every password and code he had.

Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting ♥Mrs.Garcia:" Ya, I would think a red flag. I have called on of my DH ex's before because they wouldn't stop talking ... [snip!] ... because he hasn't done anything. To me it's more of a yellow light. Caution. Y'all should definitely talk. Best of luck."


I would love to have a day and sit with him and just hear him talk about his feelings and stuff, Everyime I ask him how hes doing and how he feels about the relationship etc he just says,..."its cool" and he always reminds me if he was tired of me he would have left me a long time ago."



hes not really the "sit down and talk" type of guy. he will hear me out alllll day long but when it comes his turn, he really dont talk.

♀NoBoysAllowed 19 kids; San Diego, California 51862 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Random girls don't just randomly text guys asking them to buy pictures. And why is your boyfriend of ... [snip!] ... boyfriend of 7 years hanging out with other women? That's just odd. He may be crossing the line regularly because you allow it."


I get weird "spam" texts all the time, and I've never given my number out to anyone I don't know, so it's not that unbelievable.

SMBC**TTC#3 TTC since Jun 2013; 2 kids; California 17897 posts
22nd May '13

He is doing something disrespectful to you, and instead of changing he furthers that disrespect and has now broken your trust in some degree.... I was married for a VERY breife 3 motnhs. He put a lock on his phone because he didn't want me seeing that he was buying drugs again. I found out about three weeks later and was out.

Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting ♀NoBoysAllowed:" It doesn't really sound like he's cheating, and it also sounds like you know that. The lock on his phone ... [snip!] ... though it wasn't like you grabbed his phone with the intent of looking through his messages...he doesn't seem to believe that)."


yea i know, he probly thinks since im preggo im gonna go off on him or something.
but like i said...its either womans intuition right now OR pregnancy hormones playing a roll!

Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" Random girls don't just randomly text guys asking them to buy pictures. And why is your boyfriend of ... [snip!] ... boyfriend of 7 years hanging out with other women? That's just odd. He may be crossing the line regularly because you allow it."

He has always had female friends and we even have mutual female friends.



It never really bothered me?
I mean I DO get jealousy spikes here and there, but...I think we should be able to have friends with whomever we want.

Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting Laneys*Mama:" A lock on his phone is 100% red flag and you have a right to be upset/worried. The only time my man ever ... [snip!] ... give me was when he was talking to whores behind my back. As soon as that ended, he told me every password and code he had."


how did u know he was talking to "whores" behind your back? just a feeling u got or you caught him?

Ludwig Von Koopa Due October 6 (boy); 1 child; Los Angeles, California 299 posts
22nd May '13
Quoting Is that still my name?:" He is doing something disrespectful to you, and instead of changing he furthers that disrespect and has ... [snip!] ... on his phone because he didn't want me seeing that he was buying drugs again. I found out about three weeks later and was out."


sorry to hear that ma... :(

Munchkin Maker 2 kids; Maryland 733 posts
22nd May '13

The lock on the phone would be a big no-no for SO. I have all of his passwords to everything he owns. This is how he earned my trust. I'm not insecure in myself, but my last relationship BROKE ME DOWN.
Speaking from experience, it doesn't sound like he's cheating. You sound like a VERY understanding woman, so maybe sit down and talk it through. Let him know that there isn't a lock on your phone, so there should not be a lock on his phone maybe?