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I SHOULD be happy...but I'm scared Colton'sMamma 1 child; North Carolina 163 posts
24th May '13

So, yesterday was the day I'd been waiting for...I finally got DS' paternity results in the mail, and my ex is his dad, which I've known all along. Awesome right? lets get this child support thing moving, yay. But as I sat re-reading the letter it hit me... he is now legally his 'father'...so now, legally, this man who left us when I was 11 weeks pregnant, started denying my son when I was 6 months pregnant, who moved from NC, to TN and then to FL in the last year and who has NEVER seen my son, never attempted to see him, can try to fight me for custody. It makes me sick to my stomach. Aside from the fact that he smokes like a freight train and spends more time at the bar than most bartenders do, he doesn't know how to be a father. He's never changed a diaper, made a bottle....I can see him handing my 12 month old a cheese burger from mcdonalds (I feed him as few processed foods as possible and very little meat, I don't think he needs it just yet, so the thought of him eating disgusting mystery meat from a bag just...ugh) I know his grand parents will probably get him a lawyer if he wants to fight me for custody and I can't afford that, I've been supporting my son on my own for the last year...I don't know what to do about this...I really just want him to sign over his rights...he hasn't EARNED the right to be around my baby...

user banned 2 kids; Iowa 7762 posts
24th May '13

If he fights show the judge that he hasn't been around this whole time. Show any documents you may have to prove it. Txts, emails, anything.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
24th May '13

Has he expressed any interest in wanting to be a father to the child? At all?



From your OP, it sounds like he doesn't want a kid. Hasn't since the very beginning. I wouldn't go for child support. It's not fair that he should have to pay for a child that he never wanted, especially if you never even want him to see his child. It's just wrong and selfish IMO.

Colton'sMamma 1 child; North Carolina 163 posts
24th May '13
Quoting Ave Mary A:" If he fights show the judge that he hasn't been around this whole time. Show any documents you may have to prove it. Txts, emails, anything."

I have the texts where he denies him and then where he admits that leaving us was a mistake (kinda sorta admitting that he knows he's my sons father) and every other shit thing he's said to me since he left

Colton'sMamma 1 child; North Carolina 163 posts
24th May '13
Quoting MommyToWesley:" Has he expressed any interest in wanting to be a father to the child? At all? From your OP, it sounds ... [snip!] ... pay for a child that he never wanted, especially if you never even want him to see his child. It's just wrong and selfish IMO."

um, he proposed to me when he found out I was pregnant, talked to my belly for the first 11 weeks and told EVERYBODY how excited he was to be a dad. He started denying my baby after he cheated on me and his new girl said that I didn't spend enough time at home for it to be his baby. I didn't spend enough time at home because I was working 2 jobs to support him after he got out of the military. So it's selfish of me to want him to help support the child he helped make?

ms coco Due July 5 (boy); 2 kids; Fort Worth, Texas 152 posts
24th May '13

If he has not done anything for your child then you have nothing to worry about all you have to do is not worry and stay strong

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
24th May '13

This is why I said f**k child support.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
24th May '13
Quoting Colton'sMamma:" um, he proposed to me when he found out I was pregnant, talked to my belly for the first 11 weeks and ... [snip!] ... to support him after he got out of the military. So it's selfish of me to want him to help support the child he helped make?"


First of all, you never said that he wanted the child in the first place. Even if he did, it was for 8 weeks, max. Then he left (and from what you said) has never looked back.



He doesn't want the child. You did. You chose to parent alone. Parenting alone comes with responsibilities. Responsibilities like paying for everything.
If he doesn't want to be a father, he shouldn't have to be. He didn't want to be a father from very early on, and you don't want him to be a father either. So yes, it is selfish of you. You only want his money.
If you do go for child support, I expect him to at least get visitation.

Colton'sMamma 1 child; North Carolina 163 posts
24th May '13
Quoting MommyToWesley:" First of all, you never said that he wanted the child in the first place. Even if he did, it was for ... [snip!] ... So yes, it is selfish of you. You only want his money. If you do go for child support, I expect him to at least get visitation."

It's easy for you to judge, you're baby daddy married you. If you were in my situation you'd have a different view.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
24th May '13
Quoting Colton'sMamma:" It's easy for you to judge, you're baby daddy married you. If you were in my situation you'd have a different view."


No, I wouldn't. If I decided to parent alone, I would parent alone.
Someone shouldn't be forced to be a parent if they don't want to be- man or woman.

♥♥KristaAnne♥♥ 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ, .., United States 20384 posts
status 24th May '13
Quoting MommyToWesley:" No, I wouldn't. If I decided to parent alone, I would parent alone. Someone shouldn't be forced to be a parent if they don't want to be- man or woman."


He shouldn't have to be forced to parent but he had sex willingly and this child resulted... so are you saying she should've given up her child because he didn't want to parent? Either way no, he shouldn't be forced to parent but he should have to pay child support either way.

tooodles 240 kids; Thailand 5075 posts
24th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Colton'sMamma:</b>" It's easy for you to judge, you're baby daddy married you. If you were in my situation you'd have a different view."</blockquote>




Every one has their own opinion on it. I happen to agree with the other person. With my oldest son the sperm donor wanted nothing to do with my son and I preffered it that way. Sure I could of easily gone for child support but then that risks him wanting to go for custody just to be a jerk. If you go for child support you can sure bet he will go for visitations as well and the court will more than likely agree.

Colton'sMamma 1 child; North Carolina 163 posts
24th May '13
Quoting MommyToWesley:" No, I wouldn't. If I decided to parent alone, I would parent alone. Someone shouldn't be forced to be a parent if they don't want to be- man or woman."

I didn't choose to parent alone. He left me. DS wasn't a planned baby, but just because he left doesn't mean I wanted my child less. I'm pro choice but for me, there is no choice, I was having a baby with or without him but I didn't create my son alone.

Mother of One plus One 2 kids; Ware Shoals, South Carolina 4418 posts
24th May '13

It make? <blockquote><b>Quoting MommyToWesley:</b>" First of all, you never said that he wanted the child in the first place. Even if he did, it was for ... [snip!] ... So yes, it is selfish of you. You only want his money. If you do go for child support, I expect him to at least get visitation."</blockquote>




What damn difference does it make? A LOT of people become parents when the don't WANT to be. Just because he didn't WANT to be a father doesn't mean he shouldn't have too. You sound ignorant to say,oh,he didn't really want the kid you did so tought shit.

MommyToWesley 1 child; Delaware 3847 posts
24th May '13
Quoting KristaAnne:" He shouldn't have to be forced to parent but he had sex willingly and this child resulted... so are ... [snip!] ... he didn't want to parent? Either way no, he shouldn't be forced to parent but he should have to pay child support either way."


That's like saying that no one should have sex unless they want a child, which is just ridiculous.
I'm saying that when she chose to parent alone, she should have expected to do just that.



Men have zero say when it comes to child-bearing, and it's wrong. If a woman doesn't want the financial responsibility of a child, she can abort. He has no legal say in the matter, even if he wanted to parent. If she wants to keep the baby, he has no say in the matter but must be forced to pay for the child that he doesn't want.
I am in no way saying that a man should be able to say "I don't want the child, but I want to see him/her from time to time." He should be able to walk away with zero responsibilities, the same as she could when she's pregnant, but then never be a part of the child's life, like OP's BD.



Saying that she only wants to get child support from him but for him to never have his child is wrong and selfish.