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Lots of change..fear..rant.. Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13

Our life is turning upside down. I was so close to leaving my husband over his refusal to deal with his anger issues when we came up with another option.
I wanted to go back to school. So in March I am moving back to my home town to go to school. We are staying together, living apart, in hopes that the time apart will give us room to breathe. I'm also hoping he will realize that he likes having us around and will take care of his issues.
This will be 4-5 years. Any weekend/holidays are open for getting together.



So I'm worried that he will start drinking, partying, cheating, etc. Or just decide that he likes not having kids around.
I'm worried I'll fail at school.
I'm worried the kids will be upset, and I'm worried they will be upset when we move back in together.
I'm just worried in general.

The Master Due September 8; 2 kids; Perth, Australia 20023 posts
May 27th '13

wow that sounds almost like seperation ... even deployments aren't that long. I couldn't do it but good luck.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting Destiel:" wow that sounds almost like seperation ... even deployments aren't that long. I couldn't do it but good luck."


It is, essentially. Although he can come visit any time.

homes cool Due July 25; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 63165 posts
May 27th '13

<3 I'm so sorry, hun. I know you've prayed so much on what to do, and I wish there was something I could do to make this all better for you. There is no guarantee as to how he'll react, whether or not he'll change his behaviors & grow up, but I'll be there for you each step of the way if you need someone. And I'm praying for you.

Captain Obvious 2 kids; Havana, Cuba 25634 posts
May 27th '13

how far away will the 2 of you be from each other?

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting homes cool:" <3 I'm so sorry, hun. I know you've prayed so much on what to do, and I wish there was something I ... [snip!] ... his behaviors & grow up, but I'll be there for you each step of the way if you need someone. And I'm praying for you. "


Thank you <3 I know this is the right choice, it just sucks. I feel a loss of control and that's not easy for me, lol.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting Captain Obvious:" how far away will the 2 of you be from each other?"


3.5 hours

homes cool Due July 25; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 63165 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting Punk Rock Princess {EBFT}:" Thank you <3 I know this is the right choice, it just sucks. I feel a loss of control and that's not easy for me, lol."


It wouldn't be easy for anyone. You are strong though, you're a good mom, and I know you'll make the best decisions possible.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15566 posts
May 27th '13

Those are valid worries. Even with you being further away, the problems will still exist. Does he have an action plan on dealing with things while you're gone? Or are you guys trying to set those kinds of things in place while you're still at home? I think that's really best, to try to think up some scenarios and figure how you'd both deal with them. Maybe once a week, or once a month you can write each other, because it's always easier to put on paper things that's harder to say to someone's face. Good luck :)

orchidlovingmama 2 kids; Santa Rosa, California 1771 posts
May 27th '13

Yeah I agree that this is pretty much separation.I dont know many couples that could overcome such a long break without actually breaking up, but in your case I hope he changes and love will persevere. I can see why you're worried but you have to just have faith and realize that you were on the verge of breaking up altogether and at least you have a chance this way to make it work. I wish you two the best.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting homes cool:" It wouldn't be easy for anyone. You are strong though, you're a good mom, and I know you'll make the best decisions possible. "


Thank you <3

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" Those are valid worries. Even with you being further away, the problems will still exist. Does he have ... [snip!] ... can write each other, because it's always easier to put on paper things that's harder to say to someone's face. Good luck :)"


Writing is a great idea, thanks! We are in marriage counseling and he says he will go to anger management, though that has yet to happen.

Punk Rock Princess {EBFT} 3 kids; Killeen, Texas 26911 posts
May 27th '13
Quoting orchidlovingmama:" Yeah I agree that this is pretty much separation.I dont know many couples that could overcome such a ... [snip!] ... were on the verge of breaking up altogether and at least you have a chance this way to make it work. I wish you two the best."


Thank you.
Yes we figured if we were going to break up anyway we might as well try this and marriage counseling since we have nothing to lose. We do love each other, there is just so much more required to cohabitate and raise kids together.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
May 27th '13

im so sorry ;(.

in MY experience, they just party and enjoy not having kids, but thats not all guys.

right now with my kids father, he moved out, got his own place. its only 5 mins away. he watches the kids when i work (m-w-f) and then every sunday night he stays over n we have family time. every OTHER weekend, he spends the whole weekend (or at least hes supposed to) and its family weekend. its better for the kids this way, but it seems like he can take it or leave it (which is why i say SUPPOSED TO because sometimes he ignores me all weekend) we both went into this as a separation, but he wants to come back, then doesnt, then does, and i said i wont even think about it until he changes. and im seeing someone in the meantime, however he hasnt met the kids and im very open with what is going on with BD and i. but as of right now, i dont really want him back anyway, and he seems to enjoy being "single" enough to make the changes i need him to make to come back.

we have 3 kids together as well, and were together for just under 10 years, since junior year in highschool.

LittleBear's mama 3 kids; Ontario 480 posts
May 27th '13

OP, I wish you good luck. Having been in a situation where my husband (now ex) had anger issues we went many years where his anger was out of control and it was only with me threatening to leave that he would agree to counselling. He would go for a while and as long as he was in counselling things were ok, but it never lasted and always reverted to the same anger. If your guy can change then you are one of the lucky one. Mine didn't and I eventually left (but had gotten sucked back in with false promises of change and multiple attempts). Have a new DH now and he is not like the last one. I wish you good luck but be cautious with false promises of change, some men can hide what they really are very well