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Long term relationships/ marriages.. user banned
27th May '13

Are they supposed to feel so monotone and repetitive all the time? Is it a normal part of relationships to feel like you are more like 2 people who live together rather than a couple? I see some couples who look like they are so happy and in love and have a bunch of kids and still show affection and stuff, and I wonder HOW they are like that still. Is it real? Is it just a show? I have a few friends who's relationships are similar to mine but at the same time I have some who always have a great time together. I just miss the "spark" and butterfly feelings that I felt 8 years ago. And the cute poems and surprises my SO had for me. How he was trying. No neither of us seem to put in any effort towards just us anymore. Sometimes I tell myself it's normal and things will change when the kids are older and we have more freedom to do stuff. I hope so at least, because I can't imagine it being like this for the rat of my life...

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16186 posts
27th May '13

I think the spark can fizzle but both people should try to rekindle it once they notice it dying. I know that having no time for yourselves can be stressful on a relationship so finding time is so important.

♥ The Prodigy Due March 3 (boy); 33 kids; Perth, Australia 5616 posts
27th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮ Phuket:</b>" Are they supposed to feel so monotone and repetitive all the time? Is it a normal part of relationships ... [snip!] ... and we have more freedom to do stuff. I hope so at least, because I can't imagine it being like this for the rat of my life..."</blockquote>



I feel the exact same way. I wish there was some magic potion that could make us feel like we just met again.

Adriana's Mami♥ +1 Due December 14 (boy); 33 kids; Ontario 3858 posts
27th May '13

SO and I go through phases, we've been together 4 years, moved in right away and everything.. Sometimes we'll have a few weeks where we act like roommates and not a couple but one of us usually mentions a date night or makes plans and we get the spark back for awhile.. It's a cycle lol but we still hold hands and kiss in public, still show each other affection.. A relationship takes effort, that initial "in love, can't get enough" feeling is temporary, after that its "I love this person and they love me, so we're going to work for this".

user banned 4 kids; Mueang Phuket, Thailand 30487 posts
27th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting LA REINA

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
27th May '13

Sometimes I feel like after kids, people quit trying. Sometimes DH and I get in a rut, and we'll do something together we did before the kids, and it helps so so so much.

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
27th May '13

My husband and I have been together almost 8 years and we still has a great time together. We laugh all the time, dance in the kitchen, joke around, just generally enjoy each other a lot. We go through lulls where we don't show each other as much but when I still get butterflies every time his name shows up on my caller ID on my phone.
Every relationship has its own ebb and flow, but I always feel "in love" with my husband.

Little_Discourage 2 kids; 4 angel babies; Kansas 31498 posts
27th May '13

I often say that my husband and I are more like roomies when he's home. We've been married 5.5 years and together or 6.5.

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16186 posts
27th May '13
Quoting ☮ Phuket:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LA REINA
user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
27th May '13

I've been with my husband for 10 years. It cycles and that is perfectly normal. It's supposed to cycle. That starry eyed love is expensive for our bodies to produce and we can't maintain it long which is why it simmers out.



As long as there is still something there, even if it's not all the time, you're good.

Supafly★ 2 kids; Poland 14109 posts
27th May '13
Quoting ☮ Phuket:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LA REINA
user banned 4 kids; Mueang Phuket, Thailand 30487 posts
27th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting SavageDarling:</b>" My husband and I have been together almost 8 years and we still has a great time together. We laugh all ... [snip!] ... shows up on my caller ID on my phone. Every relationship has its own ebb and flow, but I always feel "in love" with my husband."</blockquote>




:) that's good. Lucky you. Was he your first serious relationship? Sometimes I think since SO and I were so young and never really dated other people or something maybe we just don't know what we want? Idk

Nicola. 2 kids; Huntsville, AL, United States 7089 posts
27th May '13

It is definitely common. But maybe you should talk to him about how you both need to put more effort into the little things. I make myself write my fiance sweet little notes as I did in the beginning. He always says "Good morning beautiful" as he did in the beginning.



The little things do matter and could help you feel more connected.

♥♬♡ 2 kids; Pennsylvania 10380 posts
27th May '13

Sounds like me n DH....sucks because I'm only 25
And I feel like my love life is just going to be lame and boring forever.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
27th May '13

I recommend finding a hobby or shared interest for the two of you.



For example: My husband and I like visiting county and state parks to go hiking. We can talk, enjoy ourselves, and do it all kid-free. My in-laws took our kids overnight and we went to a state park and hiked for 4.5 hours and had amazing sex afterwards. 8)