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Millitary & Marriage Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
30th May '13

I guess this is a question for millitary wives, but maybe for the general opinion as well...



I never really questioned or honestly cared about the topic (to each their own, ya know)... up until recently. I have a girl cousin... who was casually dating her brother's friend... as in not official, not even serious, and openly dating other ppl... he ended up joining the Air Force... so a month or so before he is to deploy... he asks my cousin to marry him. She's like WTF, we aren't even in a serious relationship, why would I marry you. Just because you're about to be deployed?!? And well, we talked about it, and I found it a bit ridiculous as well...



This isn't the 1st time I've come acrross the situation in my own experience with regard to friends... and being on here I've read a lot of different topics coming from "servicemen wives" and so it has led to ask the question...



What is it about being in the millitary that ... idk... makes servicemen/women want to get married so early on, or so quickly in a relationship... and seemingly just prior to deployment. I know this probably isn't the case with all of them, but it appears to be the case with the majority.

Personally I just don't get it. Is there some kind of romanticism to getting married to a serviceman who's about to leave for X amount of time? Why the rush? If you know you're not going to see each other for a long time, why rush into marriage or start a marriage in that fashion? Is it a fear of not returning or not having something to return to? Is it done for military benefits?



Just curious to know the thought process behind making that leap. And please... don't come in here with your panties in a bunch or all defensive over the matter... I'm not asking you to defend your decisions... moreso just want to know your points of view and/or reasoning.

Miss Brittany 1 child; Here, PA, United States 3747 posts
30th May '13

Well a lot of military men do it. My SO did it. He didn't want to go to his first station alone, so he asked his gf at the time to marry him.

Super Mommy! Due July 31; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Costa Mesa, California 9149 posts
30th May '13

Money. Not all, but a lot of it, for the wrong/no reason is for money purposes. It's quite common.

LA REINA™ Chicago, IL, United States 15863 posts
30th May '13

I think it's a loneliness thing mixed with the fact that back in the day people got married young and a lot of people were military.

ℕightingale 1 child; Mississippi 7011 posts
30th May '13

DH and I got married 9 months into our relationship he was Army at the time. When we met we had that feeling we had known each other for years he was also station 12 hrs away we talked all the time he was blowing $500 once a month to come see me. We decided to get married he proposed we married a month and a half later but in reality it just felt right it wasn't because he was in the military. We've been married for almost 3 yrs.

mrs jones ♥ 2 kids; Universal City, Texas 2682 posts
30th May '13

I've never really met anybody that got married right before a deployment or in that kind of relationship and wanting to get married, but I would assume he's trying to get family separation allowance. That's kinda what it sounds like to me.



Me & my friends say all the time that "the military forces ppl to get married." Usually we only say that when its a mil to mil couple. What we mean by that usually is if 2 ppl are in a serious relationship, and 1 person gets orders, the other person won't go unless they're married. I have many friends that got married mil to mil so really early in their relationship, just because of that.

2Air Force Brats 2 kids; Portales, NM, United States 1344 posts
30th May '13

Fear of leaving said person behind and moving on...



Or in most cases.. BAH or.. more money. which is why the divorce rate in military is so high.

user banned Due December 15; 1 child; Colorado 1484 posts
30th May '13

I've seen different reasons.
Sometimes it is for the benefits and that they get more money.
Contract marriages are a mutual agreement about being married just for the extra money. Both parties generally are still free to do whatever they want with whoever they want.
Another reason is fear of dying. Which is another reason I've seen so many military families have children quickly.
Wanting to have someone to come back home to. The feeling that they have someone at home who loves them and is waiting giving them a reason to come home.
Idk just a few things I've seen and talked to people about.

Jerk Horse Here, CA, United States 65199 posts
30th May '13

Sometimes people don't want to wait, and sometimes they want more money. If they're married they get bah and separation pay during deployments

Jerk Horse Here, CA, United States 65199 posts
30th May '13

If it's not for money, I get it. I packed up my life and moved 1200 miles away from my family to be with a man I'd known for 3 months and been with for 2.

JΔS Georgia 70894 posts
30th May '13

There are a lot of factors and it depends on the couple.



Money.
Paperwork.
Insurance.
Pregnancy.
Loneliness.



My husband and I made sure we were married before he left for basic.

JΔS Georgia 70894 posts
30th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting 2Air Force Brats:</b>" Fear of leaving said person behind and moving on... Or in most cases.. BAH or.. more money. which is why the divorce rate in military is so high."</blockquote>



That's not why the divorce rate is so high.

Jerk Horse Here, CA, United States 65199 posts
30th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting 2Air Force Brats:</b>" Fear of leaving said person behind and ... [snip!] ... money. which is why the divorce rate in military is so high."</blockquote> That's not why the divorce rate is so high."</blockquote>



Lol right? The military is why divorce rates in the military are so high.

JΔS Georgia 70894 posts
30th May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting All The Panties:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting 2Air Force ... [snip!] ... the divorce rate is so high."</blockquote> Lol right? The military is why divorce rates in the military are so high."</blockquote>



Exactly. Military families are unique and go through situations that civilian families never have to deal with.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
30th May '13

The divorce rate is high even for "civilian families"... which to me, makes the question of millitary marriage even more of a puzzle... but I guess there's many reasons (right or wrong) as to why it is done in the 1st place.