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who married their high school sweetheart? S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13

Me and SO have been dating since I was a junior and he was a senior in high school. We fell in love fast, and love deep. And we still deeply love each other.



My question is, did you ever have "phases" where you just feel like it's not going to work? Or that since you've been together since you were so young, that you might grow together, but change?



SO and I always use to talk about marriage, a lot. Even when I was pregnant, we talked about getting married. But ever since DS was born, he babrely even wants to talk about it, like he doesn't want to do it now. I feel like his views on getting married totally changed. Earlier his mom joked asking "so when you are 2 just going to tie the knot already!?" and he just totally ignored it and changed the subject. Before, he would talk about it and at least say "soon" or something.



He's said to me before he doesn't see the point in getting married anymore, since we live together. He calls us "ghetto married" in a joking manner a lot.



Even with having a second child down the line, he flat out said he doesn't want it. And I do. To me, that can be a breaker on whether or not 2 people can stay together.



I know we're still younger, and I know things change and down the line he might want another, but I don't want 10 years to pass and we end up never having another because he doesn't want it, and me resent him. Or, I get pregnant unexpectedly again and him resent me.



I'm not trying to rush anything, but it's worrying me that he feels this way now after all the talk and such he had before. He has asked me to marry him, a few times actually. But it seems like the actual fact of getting married is off the table. I just want a little intensive that it's something he would want.



What do I do? Should I talk to him, tell him how I feel? I mean, I've done that and he just says "in time" or "one day.' He always brushes it off and gives dumb reasons.



Sorry, for this vent. It's been on my mind lately.

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60983 posts
31st May '13

I did, and yes, we go through phases. We've been together since I was 15, 11 years now.

Captain Obvious 2 kids; Havana, Cuba 25634 posts
31st May '13

I married my high school sweetheart. We were together since freshman year. We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. I have never felt that it wouldn't work out between us. We're pretty much made for each other. We choose to grow together and not apart.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13
Quoting homes cool:" I did, and yes, we go through phases. We've been together since I was 15, 11 years now."


Did you ever have different views on the future? Me and SO just have such different views on marriage on more children now than we did before and that scares me. I know it might change, but what if it doesn't? kwim?

nutmeg. California 22281 posts
31st May '13

I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" is one of the unintended consequences of moving in together and falling into "married routines" before actually marrying.
He's reaping certain benefits of marriage without having to make a real commitment and that probably feels comfortable for him.
As for phases. All relationships go through them. Everyone changes over time. The goal of marriage is to change together and to adapt with your partner.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13
Quoting nutmeg.:" I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" is one of the unintended consequences of moving ... [snip!] ... go through them. Everyone changes over time. The goal of marriage is to change together and to adapt with your partner."


this is exactly what I think he is feeling. So many people hoke about how I should just get my last name changed because we act like we've been married for so long.



What can I do to change this? Anything?

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16286 posts
31st May '13
Quoting nutmeg.:" I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" is one of the unintended consequences of moving ... [snip!] ... go through them. Everyone changes over time. The goal of marriage is to change together and to adapt with your partner."


Agreed and very well said.

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60983 posts
31st May '13
Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:" Did you ever have different views on the future? Me and SO just have such different views on marriage ... [snip!] ... on marriage on more children now than we did before and that scares me. I know it might change, but what if it doesn't? kwim?"


I mean, we've had certain differences of opinion...but we've always been on the "same side". We've really worked on growing together, even when that means we have to work through whatever hardship may come by.

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60983 posts
31st May '13
Quoting nutmeg.:" I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" is one of the unintended consequences of moving ... [snip!] ... go through them. Everyone changes over time. The goal of marriage is to change together and to adapt with your partner."


Totally agree.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13
Quoting nutmeg.:" I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" is one of the unintended consequences of moving ... [snip!] ... go through them. Everyone changes over time. The goal of marriage is to change together and to adapt with your partner."


He's so happy with how we are, and me - not so much.

user banned 4 kids; Mueang Phuket, Thailand 30487 posts
31st May '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting nutmeg.:</b>" I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" is one of the unintended consequences of moving ... [snip!] ... go through them. Everyone changes over time. The goal of marriage is to change together and to adapt with your partner."</blockquote>




I will vouch for that. 8 years and 4 kids and he still hasn't gotten on one knee. I'm over marriage at this point. I just want the party.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13
Quoting ☮ Phuket:" <blockquote><b>Quoting nutmeg.:</b>" I think that people feeling like marriage is "pointless" ... [snip!] ... for that. 8 years and 4 kids and he still hasn't gotten on one knee. I'm over marriage at this point. I just want the party."


See, I don't think I could wait 8 years with so intensive to want to marry me. I want marriage, I want a wedding, I want ALL of that. I also want more children, at least 1 or 2 more.



And he doesn't seem to want ANY of that. Right now at least. But how long do I wait? I know girls that stayed with their men/husbands even tho they didn't get to have more children, and part of them does resent their men for it. I don't want that.



I don't want to split down the road either.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13

When I talk to my mom about it, she was in the same situation. She had my brother and me, and wanted one more so bad. My dad didn't and she does say that she gets upset that he never want another.



I don't want to resent him. And my mom always tells me "oh you 2 are so young, you have plenty of time to change your minds and want another."



but how long of a time do I wait to see what he wants?

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
31st May '13

I married my high school sweetheart. We got together when I was 16 I think. We were one anothers first kiss, first boyfriend/girlfriend. Everything.



We've been together 10 years and are celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary next month.



There was one point where we thought it might not work. We had both quit trying. We actually sat down and discussed if we wanted to stay together and make it work or not. We decided to, and we both really recommitted ourselves, since we'd both grown lazy.



We waited until we were both sure we wanted to get married and long eough that we felt it was the right time. For us that was nearly 7 years I think. Maybe six, lol.



The question you need to ask yourself is how important are these things to you? As in, having another kids or getting married. If they are vital, then that's your answer. If you can't be happy without them, then that it is your answer. He might change his mind, but you can't force him to and holding on hoping he changes his mind is just asking for heartbreak in my opion.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3835 posts
31st May '13
Quoting she nan igans:" I married my high school sweetheart. We got together when I was 16 I think. We were one anothers first ... [snip!] ... his mind, but you can't force him to and holding on hoping he changes his mind is just asking for heartbreak in my opion. "


Having another child is vital for me. Marriage, I can throw on the back burner if having another child is an option. I want more. I know I was destined to have more. It's just something that is very important to me.



I wouldn't be happy if I just "settled" to make him happy, and have no more children. Then, I wouldn't be happy. kwim?



I wouldn't even know where to talk to him about this, or how to bring it up. I'm not saying I need to have another in like a year. But I want to be able to get off birth control one day in the future and him be happy if we got pregnant again.