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Mommy to B&B 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Texas 912 posts
31st May '13

I did :) me an DH started dating my freshmen year I was 14 he was 15 we got engaged when i was 16 and he moved away for a year and a half but we kept our long distance relationship :) then we got married at 18 as soon as I legally could lol and yes we go through rough patches for sure :/ we have a girl and a boy and I wanted another one and he didnt....he talked me into the essure so I can't have anymore....I got the essure 2 months after my DS was born and have regretted it ever sense but it sounded like a good idea at the time since my DH was the only one working and he made min wage. But shortly after he got a huge promotion and now we can easily afford a 3rd so I'm still a little bitter about it but we talked through it....

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
31st May '13
Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:" Having another child is vital for me. Marriage, I can throw on the back burner if having another child ... [snip!] ... like a year. But I want to be able to get off birth control one day in the future and him be happy if we got pregnant again. "


See, IMO you need to just be upfront and honest. You NEED to have more kids to be happy. That's why I was asking. Some people may want more, but they could be happy with what they had. You can't be happy with your bf and child right now, you NEED to have more to be happy, so it's a deal breaker. If he doesn't want more kids, then IMO I'd be done. It is a deal breaker to you> He might change his mind, but he might not and he is being honest in saying he doens't want more. So then it becomes up to you. You can stay with him knowing he won't want more or leave.



Others may say he might change his mind, but you can't expect him to, you know? And if you wait five years it will be a constant battle and then you'll likely be in the same place in five years; without more kids, with a man who doesn'tw ant more kids, and probably resentful of the fact you've spent another five years with him.



However, be honest with yourself. You seem unhappy in general right now. Is one reason you want more kids partly to make up for what you feel is lacking in the relationship. Is the idea of more kids a band-aid you think? I only ask this because of how meloncholy you seem about it all. It almost feels liek you're looking for a reason to be unhappy or want to leave.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3798 posts
31st May '13
Quoting she nan igans:" See, IMO you need to just be upfront and honest. You NEED to have more kids to be happy. That's why ... [snip!] ... of how meloncholy you seem about it all. It almost feels liek you're looking for a reason to be unhappy or want to leave."


a lot of this is true. I am very, very happy right now. I'm not like totally done with my relationship or anything lol I love my son more than anything and they both make me sooo happy.



But I know I want more. I know I do. That is something I cannot change, just like not wanting more is something he cannot change (I hope)

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
31st May '13
Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:" a lot of this is true. I am very, very happy right now. I'm not like totally done with my relationship ... [snip!] ... I want more. I know I do. That is something I cannot change, just like not wanting more is something he cannot change (I hope) "


That is true. Which is why I said there is a difference between WANTING more and NEEDING more. A person may want five kids, but be able to have a good life and be happy with only having two. You can want thigns but not need them. That's what I mean, that you have to really decide if you can be happy without more kids. If ten years down the line, you have no more kids but a loving husbandand (bf, whatever) and a happy child and a great life, would you be happy? Or would you always be resentful and unhappy because you didn't get more kids? It's a really hard question to answer, but IMO it's an important one.

S ♥ J ♥ L 1 child; 3 angel babies; Philadelphia, PA, United States 3798 posts
31st May '13
Quoting she nan igans:" That is true. Which is why I said there is a difference between WANTING more and NEEDING more. A person ... [snip!] ... resentful and unhappy because you didn't get more kids? It's a really hard question to answer, but IMO it's an important one."


and this is my problem :/ I really won't know I guess until I am there but the thought of it scares me. Like my mother, she wanted more, but my dad didn't and part of her resents him - but she IS happy with her life.



I don't want to be her, I don't ever wants to resent SO. I think I could be totally happy with I had a loving DH and a happy son, I am with it now. But in ten years, if it's something I really wanted, and I sacrificed what I wanted to make him happy, I'm scared I won't be happy.



It's such a shitty situation to think about lol.



I just never thought I'd be in my early 20s, with a child and a SO.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
31st May '13
Quoting S ♥ J ♥ L:" and this is my problem :/ I really won't know I guess until I am there but the thought of it scares ... [snip!] ... It's such a shitty situation to think about lol. I just never thought I'd be in my early 20s, with a child and a SO. "


If you think you could be happy, then honestly I'd stick with it. I think people imagine things better than they are. The grass is always greener and all that. If your SO was a bad person, I'd feel differently. You seem mostly happy though, and I can't see throwing away a relationship that is good for a potential possible future child, you know?



But, you can't change him. He might change his mind eventually, but you're the one who has to decide if you can be happy with what you have or not.

Iyahna :^P Southern California, CA, United States 12775 posts
31st May '13

I was in high school when we first met.I was 15 and he was 18.We dated when I was 17 and he was 20.So technically I was pregnant my whole SR year.So I consider him my high school sweetheart.We had our problems but we got over them..I mean big problems to the point he kicked me out our house and I filed for child support.It was a b***h to stop the Cs payments and get our relationship together.I am glad we did.We are a bit older I'm almost 22 and he is almost 25.We are now married and having our third child.

MzDENISE 1 child; California 15288 posts
status 31st May '13

I met SO my sophomore year his junior and we officially got together my senior year.
We currently have 7 years together.



I have never felt like it wasn't going to work out. That's just not an option for us.
We live, we learn and we grow together.
The key for us is communication and compromise.



We talk everything out and we meet in the middle and compromise.



With kids, SO wants to have 4, I want to have 2. We decided to compromise and will be electing to have twins our next go around and they will be it for us. So three kids in total.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
31st May '13

I did and I'm now kind of struggling with having married so young. I think he knows it too. :(



It will pass for me. I'm not going to throw away 10 years for a flight of fancy.