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what would you do Secret Service Texas 759 posts
1st Jun '13

Ok so lets say youve been dating someone for almost a year and are now engaged. Your SO will be moving in next month. Ok here the thing though SO has HUGE insecurities and won't let you talk to the opposite sex. You gave up a lot of things and people for SO. Now you have a best friend of the opposite sex for years and years. Your best friend is one of the people you have the most history with. SO won't allow that, what would you do??

ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
1st Jun '13

I wouldn't have let the relationship go for a year & got engaged with a man who didn't "allow" me to talk to whoever I wanted...
Insecurity is the most unattractive trait in a person.

lovemylittleladies 2 kids; Michigan 1271 posts
1st Jun '13

You should never have to give up friends/family for a boyfriend/girlfriend.

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
1st Jun '13

I would never be with someone that felt they could have control over my personal decisions. I'm a grown woman, I need a husband, not a dad.



I should not have to give up friendships for his insecurities. I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, whom I have known for longer than I have known DH. They're amazing friends.

mommy2thing1&thing2 Due November 11 (girl); 2 kids; Phoenix, Arizona 3064 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting ma ♥:" I wouldn't have let the relationship go for a year & got engaged with a man who didn't "allow" me to talk to whoever I wanted... Insecurity is the most unattractive trait in a person."


this! if he loves you he should trust you. if hes this insecure now it can only get worse.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36693 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting ma ♥:" I wouldn't have let the relationship go for a year & got engaged with a man who didn't "allow" me to talk to whoever I wanted... Insecurity is the most unattractive trait in a person."


This! It honestly sounds like a start of a unhealthy relationship.

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56009 posts
1st Jun '13

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who tried to tell me that I couldn't talk to someone based on thier genitalia.

I certainly couldn't marry someone like that

susanesque 2 kids; Georgia 8425 posts
1st Jun '13

I'd tell SO to suck it. There is no way I would date someone who wouldn't "allow" me to have whatever friends I chose. No trust = No relationship.

Secret Service Texas 759 posts
1st Jun '13

I'm actually the friend :/. He still.talks to me.but has to do it secretive

user banned Due November 7 (boy); 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
1st Jun '13

Seek counseling.
But as the friend you don't get to do anything about it.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36693 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting Secret Service:" I'm actually the friend :/. He still.talks to me.but has to do it secretive"


wtf... That is horrible. I would try to get him out of that relationship or put his foot down.



I have a guy friend that is like that. He started talking to me and I was mad because he didnt talk to me for 2 years because he was in a relationship and he was like because I was in a relationship and Im respectful of her wishes. its like wtf. lol.

ℕightingale 1 child; Mississippi 8211 posts
status 1st Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ma ♥:</b>" I wouldn't have let the relationship go for a year & got engaged with a man who didn't "allow" me to talk to whoever I wanted... Insecurity is the most unattractive trait in a person."</blockquote>



:!:

Super Mommy! Pasadena, CA, United States 13971 posts
1st Jun '13

I don't agree with people who have that type of insecurity to get in a relationship. They're not stable and it's not fair to the other person. As the friend you don't have any say in what goes down in that relationship. I think.it's unhealthy, he should move on.

mommiel 2 kids; Japan 68 posts
1st Jun '13

I should say that must be tough to decide if you will let go of the person you are engaged with, once you find out that he has lot of insecurities that he cant even allow you to talk to your bestfriend or to anyone you like to talk to. But I think it would be harder if you would still continue the relationship with that person who is obviously making your world smaller.It looks like there is a problem already. You better think a lot of times before you decide if you'd still like be with him for the rest of your life.

Vitameatavegamin 19 kids; League City, Texas 5829 posts
1st Jun '13

DD1's Dad was like that. When we met, my best friend was in a halfway house in another state so it wasn't an issue until he came home after 6 months or so. He tried to tell me I couldn't go hang out with him or talk to him, even when I told him we could all hang out together, he didn't even want to do that. But I stood firm and told him he was a good friend long before I met him and that I wouldn't stop being his friend. He begrudgingly accepted that and met him.



DH doesn't particularly like me having male friends, but as long as I'm not trying to hang out with them without him, it's all good. In fact, he literally STOLE my best friend. :evil: Now THEY talk all the time and my "friend" barely notices me at all. he almost never talks to me. When he comes over I might get a "Hi" and that's it :?. It kind of... really hurts actually. They seriously have a bromance going on lol. I'm jealous now. But I guess I prefer that than him trying to tell me who I can be friends with or not.




But anyway. You should not have to give up friends you had before your relationship. I can see him being suspicious if you were making new male friends and hanging out with them without your SO, I can see the jealous/suspicious factor in that. But if he's been your friend, you should not have to give up that friendship. If DH was trying to control me that way, I don't think I would have let it go on long. We'd have been broken up pretty quickly.