Reply
So do I do this relationship? Charlie's Lovely Mommy 1 child; Granville, Massachusetts 1794 posts
1st Jun '13

Should I give up?



BD is currently homeless and recovering. But f**k. I love that beautiful, stupid man. I love him fiercely. Our connection is so strong is insane. When I picked him up from rehab we had the running into each others arms and kissing scene haha. He is everything I could hope to find in a partner. I think I should stick it out. Not give up on him. Make things work, so that when they're better he will remember how I was always there for him. And we can begin the next beautiful chapter of our lives.



Or am I just bat-shit crazy and head over heels in love? Honest opinions.

lise ♡ TTC since Jan 2013; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Cold, Ol, Canada 64763 posts
1st Jun '13

That's kinda tricky.



I would say you are very dedicated to him to still be with him after rehab and still feel the way you do.



You have to think of long run. What if he relapses? What if right now is just a comfort thing and not the real deal?



I would be very confused in that situation. Best of luck!!

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
1st Jun '13

As long as you realize that he needs to rebuild himself first.



And as long as you can accept that he MAY decide that he doesn't want to be with you after.



Not always, but sometimes people decide that ANY part of their old life is a trigger for how they used to be.



Tread lightly and go with the flow and just see how things go.

I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49254 posts
1st Jun '13

As long and he's genuinely TRYING to better himself and making progress, no. But it may take a LONG time.

j0des(+2) 18 kids; Virginia 5095 posts
1st Jun '13

Give him time and give him space..



And prepare yourself, it could end badly.

Christan_89 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8043 posts
1st Jun '13

If you guys relapsed together, I think you should take a break. Work on your own sobriety. Relationships have enough stressors as it is without both parties being in recovery.

user banned 3 kids; Portland, Michigan 15675 posts
1st Jun '13

It sounds like you're really in love with him and if he's willing to try to work things out and better himself and you better yourself then I don't see why you'd want to give up on him and your relationship.

Juggernog-aholic 4 kids; 2 angel babies; P, AR, United States 20213 posts
status 1st Jun '13
Quoting Drunk Blair Waldorf:" As long as you realize that he needs to rebuild himself first. And as long as you can accept that he ... [snip!] ... part of their old life is a trigger for how they used to be. Tread lightly and go with the flow and just see how things go."


I couldn't have said it any better myself!!

Charlie's Lovely Mommy 1 child; Granville, Massachusetts 1794 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting j0des(+2):" Give him time and give him space.. And prepare yourself, it could end badly."


That's what I'm afraid of. I mean he really put me through hell. He did. And I just need for him to realize that and make up for it. But I also don't want to get my hopes up because he may not. Making it up to me could come in the form of getting clean and STAYING clean. For good. And not dragging me down with him everytime he relapses. Like he did last time.

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15535 posts
1st Jun '13

How big of a role did he play in your relapsing? Do you honestly think you would have relapsed even if he wasn't in the picture?

Vicki McDonald Due September 28 (boy); 3 kids; Belleville, Ontario 927 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:" If you guys relapsed together, I think you should take a break. Work on your own sobriety. Relationships have enough stressors as it is without both parties being in recovery. "


If this is the case I definitely agree. Recovery together is a recipe for disaster. Work on yourselves first and then worry about a relationship, never both at the same time!
Otherwise proceed with caution, love but not blindly. Be supportive but not enabling, and make sure that you surround yourself with support as well. Find a group or a counsellor so that you can get objective insight.
All the best!

j0des(+2) 18 kids; Virginia 5095 posts
1st Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Charlie's Lovely Mommy:</b>" That's what I'm afraid of. I mean he really put me through hell. He did. And I just need for him to ... [snip!] ... of getting clean and STAYING clean. For good. And not dragging me down with him everytime he relapses. Like he did last time. "</blockquote>




It's really hard. Especially when you love someone so much. I've been there, did that..for a couple years. I stood by him. He loved me for it. But, he couldn't stay clean FOR me. He needed to do it for himself. It didn't matter how much I loved him or was there for him..he had to be the one who wanted to stay well for those who loved him.

ღSheila Lynnღ 3 kids; Weed, California 47383 posts
1st Jun '13

May i ask what he was using??? they say in recovery not to be in a relationship for at least a year....is him using any temptation for you to use? and are there kids involved?? because dcfs will have no problem opening a case...

Charlie's Lovely Mommy 1 child; Granville, Massachusetts 1794 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting j0des(+2):" <blockquote><b>Quoting Charlie's Lovely Mommy:</b>" That's what I'm afraid of. I mean ... [snip!] ... didn't matter how much I loved him or was there for him..he had to be the one who wanted to stay well for those who loved him."


I never really thought about it like that. ^And I had gotten a little frustrated with him went over to his sister's and her boyfriends. Talked it out. His sister's bf said I shouldn't trust him. His sister said she know's that he's using and lying about it. When I questioned him he was surprised but honest. Then I cried because I thought he was sober. We talked and hugged for a while. I asked if he had anything on him. He did. We used together, and it went down hill from there. I enabled him so much and I feel terrible for it. I'm a selfish person.

Charlie's Lovely Mommy 1 child; Granville, Massachusetts 1794 posts
1st Jun '13
Quoting ღSheilaღ:" May i ask what he was using??? they say in recovery not to be in a relationship for at least a year....is ... [snip!] ... him using any temptation for you to use? and are there kids involved?? because dcfs will have no problem opening a case..."


Heroin. We are both junkies. I do love him though, I really do. But maybe that's not good for him. I just don't want our son to not have him in his life. And honestly out of the two of us I have always been the more responsible, so I would always have to monitor. Especially since I am vowing to NEVER use again. It's so disgusting I can't even stand myself for being hooked in the first place.