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I think my husbands best friend has a crush on me. Vivalawierdness 2 kids; Texas 8 posts
2nd Jun '13

So, weird situation. I love my husband and I would never cheat on him. He's gorgeous, faithful, smart, and a good man.
We do fight but mostly that's because we are both stubborn and don't want to relent but I know we are still in live because we are best friends and we both get jealous when people hit on the other one.
A bit of background, all of boyfriends friends have had crushes on me so yes I worry about it sometimes.
So yeah, this situation is a problem. I met my husbands best friend the same night I met him so we have all known each other a long time and are close. His best friend has always been flirty but things are getting weird. We have always joked around about flirting because we are close and its a no go (especially on my end). He's super cool and one of my best buds but I love my husband and our friends fiancee.
Lately he has been texting me more and asking me to hang out alone. Again shouldn't be weird because we are close friends. However, I had a strange conversation with him where he talked very candidly about sex and told me very intimate things about what he had done with other girls. I have heard it all and my best friends are men and punk rock chicks. However, my husband was asleep on the couch in the same room.
He began to tell me how much he missed his platonic girl friends who cuddled with him. He named two of my husbands exes which is a subject I am really uncomfortable about. My husband and I don't talk about our exes (the past is the past and those people are gone and suck anyway.) His friend knows this. I have seen him manipulate other women that way and I don't like it. I am nothing like my husbands exes and I don't like being compared.
When he left he kissed me on the cheek which again.......
When my husband woke up to go to bed he acted strangely and asked how I got our friend to stay out so late. I'm worried that he thinks something is going on when I don't want it. Im not sure how to approach this because they are so close and he's around a lot. I don't want to get blamed or accused of doing something wrong when I'm not. I'm worried about this. Has anyone had this experience and does anyone have advice?

Tara plus 3! Due October 10 (girl); 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Missouri 2773 posts
2nd Jun '13

Yes I've had some very similar experiences.. I'm not going to say much or the relation to my SO but anyways I suggest stop flirting or letting him flirt with you and the sex talking.... No!

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
2nd Jun '13

Ok first off your dh should NEVER take his friend's side over your's. If he does then he isn't worth being with. Second if you are uncomfortable with the behavior then it needs to stop and you need to tell your dh. if you don't tell him it will look like you are trying to hide something.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
2nd Jun '13

First, why are you even texting him about sex & shit. That's definitely crossing the line. You're just as wrong and guilty for going along with it. Second, yes an acquaintance of DH confessed his "love" for me once at a party when he was like super drunk. Told me he'd never be able to mention it sober because he had been keeping it since the first day he saw me. (DH introduced us) I didn't go behind DH's back & text him. I told DH what he said & we both felt uncomfortable so I stopped hanging with DH when he was around him and DH told him he did not want him talking to nor being anywhere near me.



He apologized but respected us. It's been about a year and a half. DH still hangs out with him here and there. I've just recently started hanging out with them too. He apologized & we made our peace with each other.

Minion 3 kids; ., GA, United States 21802 posts
2nd Jun '13

You are wrong for allowing him to text you and talk to you like that. That's not ok to have conversations like that behind your SO's back.
And you shouldn't hide it from him because it makes you look guilty.

Vivalawierdness 2 kids; Texas 8 posts
2nd Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Now and Forever:</b>" First, why are you even texting him about sex & shit. That's definitely crossing the line. You're ... [snip!] ... here and there. I've just recently started hanging out with them too. He apologized & we made our peace with each other. "</blockquote>




OK. First of all he did not text me about sex and I DO NOT reciperocate. This was one conversation and I was confused because he talks to everyone like that. I am a good wife and I love my husband. Ugh. Some people lie all the blame on the woman and its sexist. I did not bring it up and I was uncomfortable. I guess I should mention that we also work together so I have to talk to him. So yeah, maybe you should have read it all the way through before a cussing me of doing wrong. Some people.....sigh....

Vivalawierdness 2 kids; Texas 8 posts
2nd Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Minion:</b>" You are wrong for allowing him to text you and talk to you like that. That's not ok to have conversations ... [snip!] ... ok to have conversations like that behind your SO's back. And you shouldn't hide it from him because it makes you look guilty."</blockquote>




Again, laying theon me. And no texting about sex. I am in a room full of sexist women. Why is it not his fault? For that matter I have told him I don't like it. Thanks for making me feel worse. Would you blame me if he raped me?

Tara plus 3! Due October 10 (girl); 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Missouri 2773 posts
2nd Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vivalawierdness:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Minion:</b>" You are wrong for allowing him to text you and ... [snip!] ... fault? For that matter I have told him I don't like it. Thanks for making me feel worse. Would you blame me if he raped me?"</blockquote>



Are you seriously asking that? What the hell is wrong with you?

Minion 3 kids; ., GA, United States 21802 posts
2nd Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Vivalawierdness:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Minion:</b>" You are wrong for allowing him to text you and ... [snip!] ... fault? For that matter I have told him I don't like it. Thanks for making me feel worse. Would you blame me if he raped me?"</blockquote>



I'm not laying all the blame on you, but you DO have the obligation as a good woman to shut him down completely. Tell your SO everything an how he is making you uncomfortable.
Be mean to the man if you have to to make him leave you alone.



Stop being so defensive.

Lin Brown 2 kids; Tunnel Hill, Georgia 1805 posts
2nd Jun '13

well you can't really put the blame on him since you are texting him back and making him think its ok to talk like that to you. if your uncomfortable then you would be upfront with him and tell him to stop. if you don't want the blame on you then you will also be upfront with your dh and if he doesn't believe you, then show him the texts. who cares if you work with the guy, that doesn't fully mean you are obligated to talk to him. my husband used to work with a bunch of girls that had a crush on him and flirt with him, he would come home every day and tell me about it and we would just laugh about what the girl did or said, if he tried to keep it from me and i found out later on then you bet i would be very upset with him.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
2nd Jun '13
Quoting Vivalawierdness:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Now and Forever:</b>" First, why are you even texting him about ... [snip!] ... to him. So yeah, maybe you should have read it all the way through before a cussing me of doing wrong. Some people.....sigh...."


I did read it all & unless he texted you all his personal details with other women in one whole text, yes you are talking to him about sex. It's not always the woman's fault but in this case it is your fault if something was to happen. You are the one who is married so therefor you have the last word. He is single he has no commitments with any other person, he obviously doesn't give a fuck about your husband or else he wouldn't be trying to hit on you.

Vivalawierdness 2 kids; Texas 8 posts
2nd Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Now and Forever:</b>" I did read it all & unless he texted you all his personal details with other women in one whole ... [snip!] ... with any other person, he obviously doesn't give a fuck about your husband or else he wouldn't be trying to hit on you. "</blockquote>




Once again. You have refused to listen. NO! I DONT TALK ABOUT SEX WTH HIM. PERIOD. He talks to everyone like that even my husband. I don't reciperocate. I never once said he texted me about details about sex.
Texting is not an issue. Why does that keep coming up? You are causing drama and are judging me about something you have misunderstood. I don't feel like its appropriate for him to speak to me like that. Damn. You are cussing at me and being a c*&t to a stranger. I think you are making this my fault so that you can feel superior to someone on the internet because your life is hollow while I have a great life. I have my dream job, a dream husband and two awesome kids. I wouldn't think to be cruel to someone just to get emotional validation. You are just mean and I have a feeling that you are pissed because I called you out. You obviously are in no way qualified to shoot your opinions out there when you don't know anything a.d you keep focusing on the wrong things. That being said I'm going to blow you off because you are angry and obviously can't express your thoughts coherently.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
2nd Jun '13
Quoting Vivalawierdness:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Now and Forever:</b>" I did read it all & unless he texted ... [snip!] ... things. That being said I'm going to blow you off because you are angry and obviously can't express your thoughts coherently."


You must have a pretty high opinion of yourself if this is his normal behavior and you think he is hitting on you. You can't eat your cake and have it to hun. Either he is hitting on you and you are idiot and bitch for letting it continue and not telling your dh. Our you have such a high opinion of yourself that you think every man wants you when they don't. Which is it?

Vivalawierdness 2 kids; Texas 8 posts
2nd Jun '13

THERE WAS NO SEXTING!!!! Texts have nothing to do with this.

Minion 3 kids; ., GA, United States 21802 posts
2nd Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" You must have a pretty high opinion of yourself if this is his normal behavior and you think he is hitting ... [snip!] ... telling your dh. Our you have such a high opinion of yourself that you think every man wants you when they don't. Which is it?"</blockquote>



Well didnt she say in the OP that every boyfriend she ever had, their friends crushed on her too.



I think she just has a high opinion of herself.



Surely she'd have enough common sense and decency to put a stop to all that mess the friend is doing. It's not hard to say stop it.